#dad-joke

Happens to all new Dads A proud new dad sits down to have a drink with his father ""Well son, now that you've got kids of your own, I think it's time I give you this"" ""Dad you don't mean..."" ""Yes son, I do"" Dad pulls out a copy of 1001 dad jokes, 5th edition ""Dad I'm honoured..."", he says, tears sparkling in his eyes. ""Hi honoured"", replies his father, ""I'm dad"".

Geography teacher dropped this dad joke on us in the middle of class Context: talking about permafrost. They way vegetation thaws out is called polygons (cause they look like them) So he says: on the exam if I ask what polygons are... I'm asking about the permafrost ground. Not a dead parrot! I think I'm too tired cause I laughed way too hard!

Dad Joke: Help! There's a letter coming out of the water! It's an emerging 'C'.

A dad joke which you can use.. Young Man: I've come to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage. Girl's Father: You've got to take all of her or it's no deal.

I think my girlfriend might be pregnant... ...I just laughed at a Dad joke.

Worst dad jokes are emoticons Had a group message with family and my sister wanted to go get coffee. So my dad sent this *$ Enjoy

I became a father late last night. Reddit, what are your best dad jokes?

Best dad joke Dad goes to his son and says: ""Son I want you to marry a girl I have selected for you"". The son says ""No way"". The dad says, ""She's the daughter of Bill Gates"". The son says ""Ok then"". The father goes to Bill Gates and says: ""I want your daughter to marry my son"". Bill Gates says: ""No way"". The father says, ""He's the ambassador of the World Bank"". Bill Gates says ""Ok then"". The father goes to the World Bank head and says ""I want you to make my son the international…

What kind of jokes does a priest tell? Dad jokes

I heard a great dad joke in the emergency room the other day at work. So the nurse and I walk into the room and there's a nice middle aged gentleman He seemed nervous so the nurse asked what the matter was: ""well did you hear about the guy that died at this hospital last week?"" *Nurse and I glance at each other nervously ""No? well he had to be rushed to emergency surgery the moment he showed up!"" *More nervous glances ""Well when they sewed him up they left a sponge in him by accident"" ""..…

The Dirtiest Dad Joke Every time my dad drives by a Little Caesars Pizza he says ""5 dollars hot and ready....I used to know a girl like that"" he says it EVERY TIME and thinks he's hillarious

Son dad joke Grandpa - you should try this. It's out of this world Son - sorry grandpa I don't like food from space. He's 8

Have you heard the best dad joke? He was the groom's father. Not part of the joke: Yes I made that up in the shower this morning.

When I was 8 years old, my dad got me with the worst dad joke ever. He said he was going to the store and would be back soon...

I happily dad joked my fiance While on her way to work, she texted me saying she only put deodorant on one side. To which I replied, ""At least you won't smell half bad!""

While at work in the wound care center today... The doctor walked in with a fresh hair cut. Me: Hey, you look different. Did you get a hair cut? Doctor: No... I got them all cut. Me: ... Doctor: ... Smh dad jokes

Dad joke I work with this guy in his 60s and every time he comes in late he always says ""Well I came in late so I have to leave early to make up for the time."" and he loves it no matter how many times he says it.

An Alien walks into a bar....Classic Dad joke An Alien walks into a crowded bar and takes a seat. Naturally, all the punters are curious and a little scared at first, but as the night wears on and people get more friendly, soon everybody is gathered around him drinking beers and listening to his stories of inter-galactic tourism. Feeling so welcomed, the Alien declares 'The drinks are on me from here on out!'. The people in the bar are obviously overjoyed and drink beer after beer until the enti…

The twins on their travels (dad joke) Identical Twin boys, one called Jamal and the other called Juan go off exploring the world on their gap year, whilst their very protective mother sits at home worrying. After 10 months of just hearing their voices through phonecalls, she wants to see a recent picture of them to make sure they're still really ok. In the next few weeks a letter with an international stamp arrives and it's a letter from the boys. There is also picture but it's just of Jamal and…

Dad joke... Two hobos were walking from one town to the next. They were very hungry, not having eaten in days. They come across some fresh roadkill, at which point one hobo excitedly races over to it, gets on his knees, and begins tearing into the mess with gusto. After a couple of minutes of ravening, he notices that his friend hasn't joined him in the feeding frenzy. ""Hey, what's wrong?"" he asks, puzzled by his friend's reticence, ""I thought you were hungry too!"" ""Oh, I am,"" he replies, …

What's the difference between white time and black time (Warning. Dad joke) The size of their clock.

A toast to Dad jokes... Two women knocked at my door and asked what bread I ate. I said white and they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes. I think they were those Hovis Witnesses.

A sad dad joke A woman is at her father's deathbed. She hasn't seen him in years and now they only have a few moments left. ""Dad, I'm sorry,"" she whispers. ""Goodbye, Sorry,"" he says, ""*I'm dead*.""

Dad Jokes Who can make a good dad joke?

Terrible Dad Jokes Share your best (worst) jokes that only a dad would tell their kid! Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty. Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday! Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says ""you can't eat your own food in here!"" so they swapped sandwiches.