#bp

Just saw a touching BP commercial where BP congratulates BP for doing some of what BP was legally required to do after it wrecked the earth.

I hear they finally plugged Bristol Palin. Oh, the other BP. Ok, I'll shut up now.

According to this white t-shirt, I'm the BP of red wine.

Don't you just hate it when you BP red wine on a white tablecloth? [New verb. Make it so.]

Border patrol: Why do you have 100s of DVDs of Top Gun stuffed into your seat cushions Me: *sweating* BP: They aren't even illegal

Let's all meet at BP headquarters and pee in their lobby.

I am so glad that BP is easier to spell then Eyjafjallajokull

When BP says, "We have the spill under control" is the new "I promise not to come inside you."

[start of interview] Me: hi sir nice to meet you *i go to shake is hand but spill his coffee everywhere* Interviewer: ...welcome to BP

Thousands of people are attacked by sea creatures every year. We at BP are dedicated to bringing that number down. You're welcome!

is thinking that with their track record, buying condoms at a BP station is just taking too big a risk!

2 Bees and a Dog 2 Bees and a dog are in a car together, Driving along they suddenly run out of fuel. One of the bees gets out of the car opens the fuel cap and takes a piss in it. They continue on for another 100 miles until they run out of fuel again. The second bee then gets out and also takes a piss in the fuel tank. They continue on for another 100 miles but run out of fuel again! So the dog hops out, starts taking a piss in the fuel tank as well. One bee yells out to him ""there's no point…

A man was out of gas on the side of the road... A man was pulled over on the side of the road, out of gas and stranded. He rolled down his window and a bee flew in. It landed on his dashboard and asked, ""Why are you pulled over?"" ""I'm out of gas"", said the man. ""Alright, just wait right here"", said the bee. It flew away and returned a few minutes later with a whole swarm of bees. The bees flew into his gas tank and, a few minutes later, flew back out. ""Try it now"", said the bee. The man …

""Angry Notes"" Courtesy of Saurabh on Fropki.com Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns Dear Twilight fans, Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get it up. Enjoy dreaming about that. Sincerely, Logic Dear Icebergs, Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch. Sincerely, The Titanic Dear America , You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment. Sincerely, Canada De…

According to a new report from BP, the earth will run out of oil in 53 years. Luckily, thanks to BP, the ocean will still have plenty...

Where do bees go to the bathroom at? at the [BP Station](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Bp_station_zanesville_ohio.jpg) *Sorry, I know...its a Dad joke.*

A man was driving down the road... ... and ran out of gas. Just at that moment, a bee flew in his window. The bee said, "What seems to be the problem?" "I'm out of gas," the man replied. The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his gas tank. After a few minutes, the bees flew out. "Try it now," said one bee. The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up. "Wow!" the man exclaimed…

I was able to lose a ton of pounds this summer! I’m never investing in BP stock again…

Where do bees go to the bathroom at? at the [BP Station](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/b8/Bp_station_zanesville_ohio.jpg)

Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)

Where do bees go to the bathroom? The BP station.