An elderly couple. A long one but good An elderly couple is worried that they are starting to fprget simple things, so they go to a doctor for a check up. The doctor looks them over top to bottom but doesn't find anything. ""It seems you two are perfectly fine so all that I can suggest is anytime you want to remember something, simply write it down"". The couple believe that's a great idea amd so they go home with renewed confidence. Later that evening, the couple are watching television and he

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Rabbi in a restaurant... There once was a rabbi who had been a rabbi for many years and, all his life, he'd tried to be a good Jew. He obeyed the ten commandments, he read the Torah frequently and he kept kosher but, secretly, he'd always wanted to try pork. Everybody made so much fuss about pork and bacon and ham and he always wanted to taste it, to see if it lived up to the hype. So, one day, he said to himself ""I'm getting on in years, I've always done my best to be good, so if I do this one

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There was this old Irish couple... The husband is sitting at home, watching tv. The wife comes in the door from her doctor's appointment. Husband looks up and asks, ""How did the doc go?"" She says ""It went foin, but ah got embarrassed before it ended."" He says, "" Whatcha get embarrassed fer?"" She says ""Well, he came in and took me blood pressure and ev'rything, and then finally he asked me for a specimen. For the life of me, i couldn't think what a specimen was. Do you know what a specimen

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Three engineers were trying to make smarthome devices (from a friend) Three engineers and a manager are sitting around some appliances to help make them smarthome compatible. The first engineer turns his attention to the refrigerator, ""We should connect this fridge to the internet and make it tell you when food is going bad, I will need an Intel i7 if we want this to constantly notify you."" the manager thought for a while and finally grumbled, ""ok, we could fit that into the budget"" The seco

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Jerome the Scholar Jerome was a high school all star wide receiver at an inner-city school...however he was failing math and was in danger of losing his scholarship to Alabama. Due to his popularity, Mr. Cooper, the principal, decided to give him a chance to boost his grade and called him down at a school assembly. ""OK Jerome, if you can tell me what the square root of 81 is, I'll pass you in math"". ""Uh 8?"" Jerome guessed. ""Aww c'mom Mr. Cooper, give Jerome another chance!"" the student bod

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A cop amd a little girl A Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!" **Edit** and not amd

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A smart scientist amd a blonde girl sit down on a plane. A very smart man boards a plane and sits down. A blond girl sits next to him. He is bored so he says to her "Let's play a game, I give you a riddle if you cannot find the answer you pay me 5 dollars. If you answer it though you give me a riddle and I don't answer it I'll give you 300$" She says "OK, I'll go first." "What goes up a hill on 1 leg and goes down on 2?" He thinks about it for a while but after about 10 minutes can't find

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Mom and Dad go away on vacation Mom called her son every day to see how everything is going at home. Her son explains "Hi Mom, mostly fine here - but the cat died on Monday." Mom was distraught: "How can you break news like this to me so nonchalantly!? Are you a psychopath??" The son replies "I'm sorry Mom, I didn't know how to break it to you." Mom then explains "In future, if you have bad news to break, you need to break it gently. You could have told me that the cat climbed up on the roo

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