#russia

Why couldn't the American leave Russia? He was snowden

What do you call a creamsicle in Russia? A hammer and cream-sickle

Want to hear a joke about Russia? Soviet

Why did Russia sign the non-aggression pact with NazI Germany? They were Stalin for time.

How do you call a gay person from Russia? Sergei.

What does it take to make Mother Russia pregnant? A soviet seamen

Why shouldn't you get asylum in Russia? Cuz you'd be snowed-in

Why did Edward miss his flight out of Russia? Because he was Snowden.

What's the difference between Texas and Russia? One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold.

Russia: Why did the chicken cross the road? Ukraine: I don't know Russia why? Russia: To rescue oppressed Russian minority

What song did Russia send Ukraine for its birthday? Crimea a river

How did the Allies have time to prepare D-Day? Because Russia was Stalin

Who's the top selling author in Russia? Salman Rush B

Did you hear Vladimir Putin made a travel sized Russia? It is the perfect country to Putin your pocket.

What do you call an NSA whistle-blower spending the winter in Russia? Edward Snowed-in

What do you call a journalist in Russia? An ambulance.

When travelling between Russia and Alaska, you must first get your Bering Strait. Opening a new funeral parlour can be quite an undertaking.

Russian Russia is a combination of incompetence and evil – like the Post Office with tanks. Emo Philips Did you hear about the new chain of coffee shops in Russia? It's called Tsarbucks.

Teacher: “In 1940, what were the poles (of Poland) doing in Russia?” Student: “Holding up the telegraph wires, sir!”

There was a Russian, a Cuban, an American and a lawyer on a train. The Russian started the conversation with, "Mother Russia has the best vodka ever and we have so much we can just throw it away." So the Russian throws a bottle out the window. Then the Cuban speaks up, "Cuba has the best cigars and we have so much we could throw them away." So the Cuban throws some cigars out the window. Well, the American doesn’t say a single thing but gets up and walks over to the lawyer and throws him out the…