#russia

A Russian comes home after fishing trip A Russian comes home after fishing trip and hears the news that Russia is at war. He asks another Russian what is going on, and he tells him: "We are at war with NATO!" "Oh wow, how many troops have been lost?" "Well, we have lost 45,000 troops, almost 2000 tanks, a thousand artillery pieces, several hundred helicopters and aircraft, several generals have been captured, our economy is in shambles, and the Moskva was sunk. "And NATO?" "NATO hasn't sho…

Russian freedom is not different to US freedom. An american and a russian both praise their homeland. \- Russian freedom is not different to US freedom. The american says: \-Now look, I could go right now in front of the white house and hold a protest against president Biden and nothing would happen to me. \-My friend, it is exactly the same in Russia. The red square is open to all those who wish to protest against president Biden.

A great tragedy befalls Russia At a state dinner dozens of high ranking officials have died. After eating a mushroom cream soup generals started falling to the floor left and right. The investigation is quick: the official cause is mushroom poisoning. Members of the press are invited to the scene of the tragedy. "As you can see by the foaming and throat scratching it is clear that some poisonous mushrooms accidentally made it into the soup" says one official. One brave reporter points out t…

Some Russian anti-war jokes 1. "Partial mobilization" is when you are drafted in whole, and returned back in parts. 2. "Dad, why are we hauled off to the trenches?" "I don't know, son, I'm not into politics." 3. For a long time, the government told us, "if you don't like Russia, go to another country." Now they tell us, "if you like Russia, go to the trenches." 4. We gave Putin our freedoms in exchange for prosperity and security. Now we have neither freedom, nor prosperity, nor security. …

What's the difference between Ukraine and Russia? Ukraine's president is a comedian. Russia's president is a clown.

Vladimir Putin visits a school... He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, why do you look so depressed?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "Feels sad to know that my father is screwing my mother in front of the whole world".

In America, you go to recruitment office In Russia, recruitment office go to you!

What do Peter the Great and Vladimir Putin have in common? They both lead Russia to the 18th century.

Zelensky is the best comedian He turned the whole Russia into joke

Recent combat maneuvers and successes have shown that Russia has the second strongest military ...in Ukraine

Two scientists were walking around in Russia during winter Scientist one: It's really cold outside, how many degrees? Scientist two: it's -40° Scientist one: Celsius or Fahrenheit? Scientist two: Yes.

A worker in Russia has been standing in a liquor line for hours…. He grows tired of waiting around for so long, so he suddenly says to his friends around him “That’s it, I cannot take this anymore, please hold my place in line, I am going to shoot Putin.” They agree to hold his place and he walks off hastily. Two hours later the worker returns. One of his friends asks him “Well, did you do it?” The worker says, “No, the line there was much longer than the line here.”

Vladimir Putin visits a school... He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mother Russia of course!", says the boy. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". "You, great president!", replies the girl. Putin then asks the quiet kid sitting at the back: "You there, what do you want to be when you grow up?". The quiet kid thinks for a moment and says: "An orphan!".

In the 70s... A Russian asks for a meeting with the President \- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man \- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president \- Hm, really, I can't complain \- So, maybe you don't like your work there? \- Hm, really, I can't complain \- Maybe it is the life there that you don't like? \- Hm, really, I can't complain \- Then it is socialism that doesn't satisfy you? \- Hm, really, I can't complain \- But now I'm confused. …

Vladimir Putin Visits a School One Day And he gives a lecture about how great the government is, and how Russia is the best country in the world. At the end of the lecture he invites people to ask questions and one kid stands up and says: “Hello my name is Sasha and I have two questions” Putin: “go ahead” Sasha: “Why did Russia invade Ukraine? And why haven’t we won the war yet?” At that moment the bell rang and everyone went to lunch. At the end of lunch the Q&A continued and another kid…

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician... "Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy." The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I …

An American, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are flying together in a plane. The American gets up, goes to the window pulls a wad of money out of his pocket, and throws it out the window. "In America, we have plenty of money. We can just throw it away." The Russian, not to be outdone, rummages in his carry-on bag, pulls out a beautiful fur coat, and throws it out the window. "In Russia, we have plenty of furs. We can just throw them away!" The Ukrainian gets up, picks up the Russian, throws him …

A German in a Bar A German walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender tells him : "20 euros!" The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !" "Well, today it is 20 euros." \- "But why 20, damn it?" Bar tender : "I'll explain it, \-3 euros is beer, \-3 to help Ukraine, \-4 assistance to European countries who have imposed sanctions and are not members of the EU. \-4 euros in aid to the UK, for successful implementation of sanctions against Russia. \-Then 3 eu…

A Medieval polish farmer is out working in his fields one day, and digs up an old magic lamp. He begins to wipe off the dirt, thinking to sell it at market, when suddenly a Genie flies out, offering the astonished farmer 3 wishes. "Oh Noble farmer, you have freed me from my prison, and for that I grant you 3 wishes! What say you?" The farmer thinks hard about his first wish, and finally says "I wish for the Mongol hoard to come invade Poland." The Genie looks at the farmer, puzzled for a mome…

Calling a friend in Ukraine “Hi, what is going on ?:” “Well, Russia is in war with NATO here.” “And how does it look like ?” “Russia lost a missile cruiser, over 600 tanks, 25000 soldiers.” “And NATO ?” “Did not arrive yet.”

I heard Russia ordered 1,000 septic tanks from Belarus Once they figure out how to drive them, they’ll invade Moldova

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.

Despite Putin's recent crackdowns a new streaming service for banned movies has launched in Russia.

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

I was hacked by Russia Edit: I no hacked by Russia. Russia do no such thing. Have nice day.