#juan

"Oh man, Juan Valdez died this morning." Ok, so it's not a 'joke' joke, but that's what you say. Maybe at work, at the bar with friends. Say it in a lull in the conversation. If you're really good, say it while scanning the paper or a news site. Some people go, "oh!" And some people say, "wait, the Colombian coffee merchant?" and some people say, "oh my god, he *did?*" People always say something. And then *you* say, "he did, he was assassinated. Someone from a drug cartel shot him with a …

a golfer stabbed a Mexican the other day.... it was a hole in Juan

So Juan, Pablo, and Jose are all attempting to cross the border legally... A border guard stops when he sees only one of them has the correct papers, and says 'Whoa whoa whoa there can be only Juan!' I'll see myself out

The tale of twins A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

Two identical twins separated at birth... ... And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal. Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series of coincidences they had found eachother and had tracked down their address. Enclosed was a picture of Juan smiling happily with his adoptive Mexican parents. …

A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs.. so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan.

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!! The 20 Worst Jokes Ever! 1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything." 3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6. Two canniba…

Juan, the Mexican Farmer There once was a guy named Juan. He was a really nice guy....didn't beat his wife, didn't beat his kids, didn't beat the aardvark in the backyard. He lived in a small country in South America. Juan lived a simple life, and was simply happy. One day, he was sitting in a coffeeshop with a few friends, when the topic of the election for mayor came up. One of his friends said 'Hey Juan, why don't you run? You're a really great guy!' Juan smiled and thanked his friends for …

The bacon tree. Juan and Carlos have been stranded in the desert for 2 days. They are on the verge on dying of thirst when Juan sees something in the distance. He gets closer to confirm his suspicions - off in the distance is an incredibly juicy bacon tree. "Mira!!" (Look!) "Carlos! Up ahead, it's a bacon tree!! A juicy delicious bacon tree!" At this point Juan takes off in a sprint towards the bacon tree when out of nowhere he is gunned down! Carlos runs to Juan's side as he lay there dyin…

A woman gets accidentally pregnant as a teenager and ends up giving birth to twin boys... Unfortunately, she is forced to give them up for adoption since she doesn't have the resources to support them, and the father wants nothing to do with them since he is a teenager himself. In the hope that she will get to see them some day, she leaves her personal information with the adoption agency just in case the boys want to meet their biological mother in the future. One of the boys gets adopted by a…

A collection of lightbulb jokes How many Mexicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Just Juan How many Irishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Two. One to hold the lightbulb and one to drink until the room spins. How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Just two but who knows how they got in there. How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb? -Change? How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? -Oh, it's an obscure number, you've probably nev…

A husband and wife are unable to have children, so they decide to adopt... They eventually find a boy from Spain named Juan, and bring him back to America to live with them. Years later, they learn from the adoption agency that Juan has a twin brother, who was raised by an Arab family. His parents were tragically killed, so the boy, named Amal, needs a home to live. So, since they wanted another kid anyways, they decide to adopt him. The husband and wife are looking through the adoption pape…

Twins. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

I was at the mall with my friend looking for a 'Learn to speak Spanish' book. [apologies in advance for what I hope is OC] My friend speaks Spanish fluently and he is great with numbers so we were looking for cheap books when we came to the table that advertised, 5 books for the price of 3. I found the books we needed on another table and surprised when I saw the same offer. "Oh Look, 5 for 3 too Juan." [Again, sorry. I tried. :) I was going to work 'sticks' and 7 ate 9 into it but have a g…

A Mexican man is found unresponsive... A Mexican man is found unresponsive on the roadway outside Tijuana. Local authorities call for an ambulance and he is rushed to the nearest hospital. Unfortunately, the doctors determine that he has consumed a lethal amount of drugs and there is nothing they can do to save him. He dies within a few minutes and the attending physician marks the cause of death as "1/2". Curious, the nurse asks him what this seemingly unrelated fraction has to do with this ma…

Top 10 worst jokes! The 20 Worst Jokes Ever! 1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. 2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything." 3.Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted. 4.A dyslexic man walks into a bra. 5.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road." 6.Two cannibals are eating…

What do Mexicans play at their funerals? Another Juan Bites The Dust

Two twins were separated at birth One of them lived in Cuba, and was named Juan. The other lived in Egypt, and was named Jamal. 10 years after their birth, their birth mother was sent a picture of one of the twins. "I wish I could see the other one," she said. The adoption mother then said, " If you've seen juan, you've seen jamal."

Mexican jokes and black jokes are all the same. Once you've heard Juan, you've heard Jamal.

Mexican and Black jokes are all the same... You've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

The two mexicans, lost in the mexican desert.. Juan and Pablo had been wandering aimlessly around the mexican desert for three days now. Without food and water their hopes of finding civilisation were fading fast.. When through the mirage they sight a bacon tree! The tree meant food, water and shelter so the two began running towards the tree. "Juan, we are saved" Exclaimed Pablo "sí Pablo, we are!" Suddenly bullets began flying all around them, dashing into the sand at their feet, the two …

Now that Donald Trump having a real shot at the presidency, who is most afraid? ​Every Juan!

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Amal.' The other goes to a family in Spain, they name him Juan'. Years later; Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, ''But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, yo…

Mexican jokes are like black jokes Once you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal