#japan

2 Japanese men walk into a bar The first guy says ""Hey, I am japanese"". The second guy says ""I am Japanese too!"". Then the bartender says ""What a coincidence, I'm Japanese as well."" It was a bar in Japan.

Japan Q : What do people in Japan call fat people ? A: ""Double Buddha""

Russian referendum. Russia initiates a referendum in Crimea about returning Crimea back to Russia. Ukraine initiates a referendum about returning Kaliningrad to Germany, Sakhalin and the Kuril Islands to Japan, Kazan - to Tatar, Karelia - to Finland, Siberia to Yakuts, and everything situated east from Ural mountains - to ingenious people.

Red sea. Dolphins for some reason can't stop vacationing in Japan. Seriously, who told them that the coast was to die for.

Datsun cogs There was a farmer, who owned a Datsun Ute. He used this Datsun for all his farm work, feeding the horses.. Throwing bails of hay out the back of it.. Carrying firewood and what not. When all of sudden one day, *chug chug chug* it breaks down. So he decides to go back to the shed to grab his tractor and tow it back. He pulls apart his Datsun Ute and does all the fault finding and diagnostics you can imagine. He pulls apart the gearbox and finds a broken cog. So he calls up the Datsun…

X-Post from /r/Standup: If I ever got on stage I'd give my version of the Teletubbies... Here's my skit on the Teletubbies. So I hate the Teletubbies. It's one of the most mindless children's shows I've ever seen. I sometimes had to watch it because my ex's nephew loved the show and when we baby sat him that's all he wanted to watch. To me all it is, is a bunch of weird looking giant different colored babies dancing around on an acid trip, with dumb shapes on their heads. How is this informative…

Future Plans! A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils` answer by reciting a short poem. The first kid sat in the first row was a teachers pet. He stood and said, ""My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."" The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, ""My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby if I can, …

Apple Salesman A man has just moved from Japan to America and doesn't speak a word of English. He accepts a job as an apple salesman only because his boss is Japanese - American and speaks both English and Japanese. It's his first day on the job and he has his first customer, the customer asks ""How much are these apples?"" Not knowing what to say, he goes to his boss and asks what to say. His boss tells him to say ""Fifty cents! Fifty cents!"" So he returns to the customer and responds ""Fifty …

Cut off at an intersection A woman is driving her car at an intersection with her husband in the passenger seat. Another car seemingly appears out of nowhere and cuts her off. ""Where did that car come from?!"" she yells in anger as she slams on the breaks. ""Japan,"" her husband says, ""It's a Toyota.""

After a big tsunami in Japan, the Chinese began to hoard soy sauce. So I guess you shouldn't Kikkoman when he's down.

There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar. They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too. It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, ""Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so many useful things. But you still eat seaweed!"" Then it was the Englishman and the Japanese man who spoke about France. They said, ""Fr…

A Japanese and American businessman are closing a deal..... The American was new in Japan and did not know the customs or language. He was a quick learner though and after weeks of negotiations, he sealed the deal. The Japanese man says, ""ask for anything to make your last couple of days more enjoyable."". The American says, well I'd love a beautiful Japanese woman if you know what I mean. The Japanese businessman fulfilled his promise and that night he had a japenese beauty in his bed. They st…

Have you heard about that new therapy they're using in Japan? Soy lattes up the rectum. It's supposed to have amazing health benefits. Enemame.

Barely amusing Japanese joke Why are snakes so difficult to pick up in Japan? Because in Japan, snakes are hebi.

Where do pots go on vacation? JaPAN! From my 9 year old.

What did the American call Karl Marx when a shrine was dedicated to him in Japan? A Kami.

Chuck Norris can be unlocked on the hardest level of Tekken. But only Chuck Norris is skilled enough to unlock himself. Then he roundhouse kicks the Playstation back to Japan.

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, ""Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"" After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, ""Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!"" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the…

Whack There was a little guy sitting in a restaurant, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK! -- knocks him off the stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, ""That was a karate chop from Korea."" The little guy doesn't like this, but he gets back up on the stool and begins to mind his own business again when all of a sudden -- WHACK! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, ""That was a judo chop from Japan."" So the little guy has had …

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled ""Honda very fast! Made in Japan!"" After a while a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled ""Toyota very fast! Made in Japan!"" And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time the Japanese …

An American businessman goes to Japan on a business trip but he hates Japanese food so he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get American food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened and they deliver. The concierge gives the businessman the phone number and he goes back to his room and orders a pizza. Thirty minutes later the delivery guy shows up to the door with the pizza. The businessman takes the pizza and starts sn…

A tiny racing car was developed by American scientists. The Americans then sent the car over to Japan to see what the Japanese could do to better the car. The Japanese added sport wheels and an aero kit to the car they than sent it to the U.K. The British scientists to better the car added a sound system and window tint. They then sent it over to the Chinese who added on a lowered suspension to the tiny car. The Chinese then sent it over to India. The Indian scientists looked at the tiny car a…

A Japanese guy is at Los Angeles International Airport waiting for his flight back home to Japan. While he's waiting he goes to the currency exchange counter to change his remaining dollars. He counts his money at the counter. ""Wait a minute"" he says to the clerk ""When I came here I got more dollars for my yen. What's going on here?"" ""Fluctuations."" says the clerk. The Japanese man stiffens. ""Well! Fluck you Americans too!""

A limerick about limericks There was a young poet from Japan Whose limericks did not easily scan When asked why this was, He said, "It's because IAlwaysTryToFitAsManySyllablesInTheLastLineAsEverIPossibly can."

Maglev train hits 310mph in Japan. Critics say it has barely left the ground.