#red-sea

moses: watch me split the red sea in half red sea: i've got a boyfriend

As a Jew, I have heard many Jewish jokes, here are a few... Why do Jews have big noses? because air is free... Whats the difference between a Jew and a Pizza? Pizza's don't scream in the oven.... What's faster than a speeding bullet? A Jew with a coupon... How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 6 million in the ash tray... Why did Hitler kill himself? he saw his gas bill... Why did Moses split the red sea? He saw a nickle at the bottom... If you all have any I f…

A man sets off for adventure in Egypt to search for an an ancient tomb. After many long weeks of endless searching in the desert, the man finally found the ancient Pharaoh's tomb he had for so long been seeking. He descended. Down, down through the chambers he went, marching tirelessly in exciting anticipation of his groundbreaking archaeological discovery. There was nothing that could deter him now! Well, maybe one thing: He remembered hearing a story while in town about the ghost that supposed…

Moses and Jesus reminisce about the their days on Earth. Moses and Jesus are reminiscing about their time in Earth. Jesus says to Moses ""let's go back for a bit! Where would you like to go?"" Moses told Jesus ""I've always like the Red Sea."" So they go to the Red Sea and wander around a bit. Suddenly Moses find a long stick and looks at Jesus and says ""remember this Jesus?"" and then he splits the Red Sea. ""I loved when you did that!"" Jesus said. ""Do you remember this?"" and Jesus starts w…

The Glue Truck A truck owned by a commercial glue company is driving through London when it accidentally collides with a lamp post, causing it to swerve out of control and flip on its side. During this collision, the tank holding the glue explodes and 1000kg of glue falls upon a poor pedestrian. He's firmly stuck to the road. A crowd gathers around the helpless pedestrian, all wanting a look at the man and thinking about how to help him, although he's in a sticky situation that looks quite inesc…

What happens when you throw a green stone into the Red Sea? It gets wet.

What method does the Australian god use to part the Red Sea? Oz Moses.

An Irishman running frantically late... for a court appearance was having trouble finding a parking spot down town. In solemn prayer he asked the Lord of Heaven to help him find a parking spot. In return he would give up his Irish whiskey and go to Sunday Mass for the rest of his life. Suddenly there, like the Red Sea parting, appeared a parking spot! ""Never mind Lord, I found one. Tanks anyway.""

What happens if you drop a blue marble in the Red Sea? It sinks. (Courtesy of my 9 year old daughter)

Why did the Red sea not find a good husband? because she was too shallow.

If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?

They call me Moses. Cause I parted that Red Sea last night.

Moses talking to a burning bush was child's play ...compared to the miracle of getting a hundred thousand Jews to voluntarily go in to the Red ~~sea~~.

It was at the height of world war II... ... and Hitler decided to invade Britain. So he asked the head of the Kriegsmarine to study plans for a water assault on Britain and carrying ground troops. After a brief study, the admirals conveyed with the Fuhrer, and told him that it was absolutely impossible, there was no way the Reich could muster enough ships to carry all the troops and the logistics necessary. The only way would be to do like Moses, and part the water of the English channels like …

TIL the Hebrews were betrayed and captured by the Egyptians after walking through the Red Sea The event was named ""Moses' double cross"".

Four braggarts in a bar Julius Caesar, Hannibal, Moses, and Bob are sitting in a bar bragging. Caesar starts, ""I and my army forded the Rubicon to face destiny."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a portentous crossing."" Hannibal says, ""I and my army traversed the Alps with elephants to gain a strategic advantage against Rome."" The bartender replies, ""That sounds like a prodigious crossing."" Moses says, ""I and my people parted the Red Sea to walk to freedom."" The bartender replie…

Since it is ethnic joke day and all here's a Greek one. Little Jim comes home from Sunday school. Mom: What did they teach you today, honey? Jim: Today they taught us about Moses. God sent him on a secret mission to free the Hebrews from Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea Moses had his mechanics build a bridge so everyone could pass but when the Egyptians arrived and started crossing the bridge he called for backup from his radio and his mine squad blew the bridge up, drowning the Egyptians and…

The teacher was quizzing the bible students... and she asked ""Who parted the Red Sea?"" Just then, rotten little Johnny poked Suzy with a pin, causing her to exclaim ""Holy Moses!"" The teacher said ""Very good, Suzy!"" Then the teacher asked ""Who turned water into wine?"" Johnny pokes Suzy with the pin again, who hollers ""Jesus Christ!"" The teacher can't contain herself, and asks Suzy ""What did King Davids wife say to him as they retired for the night?"" Johnny pokes Suzy yet again, bringi…

Red sea. Dolphins for some reason can't stop vacationing in Japan. Seriously, who told them that the coast was to die for.

Jesus and Moses are hanging out by the Red Sea (this takes place present day...). So Jesus asks moses, ""hey Moses...you still got da funk?"" Moses says ""yeah buddy!"", and walks out to the sea, holds up his staff, and majestically makes the Red Sea part in the middle. He puts his staff down, walks back, and asks, ""so how bout you JC? do you still got da funk?"" Jesus replies, ""I don't know man, its been a long time, but let me try"". Jesus walks to the sea and begins to walk on water. He tak…

Mosses did not parted the Red Sea. Chuck Norris did. The Bible got confused because Mosses and Chuck Norris sound so much alike.

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. ""Well mum our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. ""When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."" ""Now Johnny is that really what your teacher t…

Splitting the Red Sea Moses was leading the Jews while being chased by the Pharaoh and his men. In a moment of foolishness, he walked right up to the Red Sea. They were trapped. "God dammit," said Moses. So God did.

Moses and Jesus are standing on the bank of the Red Sea in their retirement Jesus turns to Moses and says, "Hey Moses, remember when you parted the Red Sea? That must've been amazing to see! So upset I missed it. Do you think you'd be able to do it again?" Moses blushed, "for you?! Of course!" So he stands up and hobbles over to the water and hit his staff on the ground. And nothing happened. He turns back to Jesus, a little embarassed, "Let me try that one more time.." He moves closer to the …

Moses Nine year old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. “Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.” “ “Now, Joey, is th…