#sears

No thanks, World Cup. If I wanted to watch dudes run around for 3 hours and leave with a tie, I'd just go to Sears.

"Can you believe I got something decent at a piece of shit store like Sears?" - every Sears commercial

He said I won his heart and I was all "Ugh can I just win like $20? How about a sweater from Sears? A pencil? I could really use a pencil."

Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum

So there's a little guy sitting at a bar....(heard this years ago, hope it isn't a repost) ...when a much larger, muscular guy walks in who seems to have a chip on his shoulder. The big guy sits down next to the little guy and orders a beer, after a bit the big guy jumps up and completely out of nowhere punches the little guy, knocking him to the floor. ""That's boxing, from Las Vegas."" The little guy picks himself up off the floor, dusts himself off, gets back on his stool and just quietly goe…

[Loong] Big red trike. A young boy named Jimmy, 5 years old, is looking through the Sears catalog. His birthday is coming up and he wants something great this year. Something *awesome*. So he's flipping through the catalog, going through all the Lego bricks, toy sets, whatever right? Well on the very last page of the section, Jimmy spots his heart's greatest desire. A big red metal trike. You know it. He just can't stop thinking about it. Day in day out, big red trike. Nap time? Big red trike. H…

Where do fortune tellers buy their clothes? Sears.

New Chandelier One time they called a deacons' meeting at the East Fork Church. Uncle Versie Ledbetter was up in years, and he didn't go to many of the deacons' meetings no more because he thought the young folks, them about fifty and sixty, could take care of the church business. But he got word they was fixing to spend some money, and he got Newgene, his grandson, to take him over to the church house in a mule and wagon for the deacons' meeting. The deacons got in a big discussion about buyin…

Crowbar from sears There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in andWhack!knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, ""That was a karate chop from Korea."" The little guy thinks ""Geez,"" but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a suddenWhack!the big dude knocks him down again and says, ""That was a judo chop from Japan."" So the little guy has had en…

Some of my favorite Scandinavian UFF DA jokes Ole and Lars were business partners and good friends. One day Lars started off for work and discovered he'd forgotten his tools. Returning home, he looked around for his wife, Lena, and finally found her in the bedroom. To his surprise, she was on the bed with no clothes on. ""Vat in the vorld are you doing vidout any clothes, voman?"" Lars asked. ""Vell, I yust don't have any clothes to vear, dat's why,"" answered Lena. ""Vat you talking about,"" sa…

Karate chop A huge guy walks into a bar, approaches a little guy and karate chops him in the back. When the little guy gets up, the huge guy says, ""That was a karate chop from Korea."" A little later, the huge guy walks back over to the little guy and karate chops him in the back. The huge guy says, ""That was a karate chop from China."" The little guy leaves the bar, comes back and hits the huge guy on the back. The huge guy lies unconscious on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender, ""…

Sawing Wood So a gentleman walks into a Sears store to buy a saw. The store employee recommends to the customer a smal entry level chainsaw insisting that it will make the man's job much easier. The customer is reluctant at first but upon being assured that anyone can use a chainsaw he decides to make the purchase. So he took his new saw home and started cutting wood. But it took forever and was much slower than his trusty old hand saw. Irate, the man took his saw back to the store to complain t…

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house, Every creature was hurtin', even the mouse. The toys were all broken, their batteries dead; Santa passed out, with some ice on his head. Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor, While upstairs the family continued to snore. And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans, I went into the kitchen and started to clean. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew…

Shortly thereafter Jesse Jackson went to a Sears and started raising all kinds of hell in the appliance aisles... A store clerk, not knowing what to do, contacted the manager who came and asked ""Jesse, why are you in here causing all this crap in my store?"" Jesse Jackson replied ""Your store is a racist store. You see all these washing machines are white and you don't sell black washing machines so you're a racist!"" The manager, thinking quickly replied, ""Yes Mr. Jackson all the washing mach…

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ''That was a karate chop from Korea.'' The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate choped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted him…

Whack There was a little guy sitting in a restaurant, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK! -- knocks him off the stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, ""That was a karate chop from Korea."" The little guy doesn't like this, but he gets back up on the stool and begins to mind his own business again when all of a sudden -- WHACK! -- the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, ""That was a judo chop from Japan."" So the little guy has had …

""Great news Mr. Oscarson"" the psychiatrist reported. ""After eighteen months of therapy I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again."" ""Gee that's great Doc"" the patient replied. ""And just to prove it I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever."" ""Oh Doctor whatever can I do to thank you?"" ""Well"" suggested the psy…

Al Sharpton at Sears Al Sharpton was in Sears. He was there to protest the fact that most all of the washing machines were white. So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, 'What's the problem here, Reverend? Sharpton pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that most of them were white. The manager replied, 'Well, Reverend, it's true that most of the washing machines are white, but if you'll open the lids, you'll see that all the agitators are black.'

When I was a kid, if I wanted to jerk off, I had to use a Sears catalogue But now, with the internet, when I want to jerk off, I can just go to Sears.com.

I Work At Sears And Some Black Guys Came In Asking For Polyester Pants It's weird because they usually pick cotton.

Relapse "Great news, Mr. Oscarson," the psychiatrist reported. "After eighteen months of therapy, I can pronounce you finally and completely cured of your kleptomania. You'll never be trapped by the desire to steal again. "Gee, that's great, Doc," the patient replied."And just to prove it, I want you to stop by Sears on the way home and walk the length of the store. You'll see - you'll feel no temptation to shoplift whatsoever. "Oh, Doctor, whatever can I do to thank you? "Well," suggested the…

A physicist sees a man about to jump off from the top of Sears Tower... He yells to him ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!""