#ferrari

A husband asks his wife what she'd like for her birthday, she responds with: ""I want something red that goes from 0-100 in a second"" So he buys her a red weight scale. For americans, 0-100Kmh is similar to 0-60Mph, so she implied she wanted a Ferrari or something, the husband bought her a scale, 100kg being around 200 pounds, a lot.

Little Johnny jokes A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give imp…

Sheikh's son goes to University A rich billionaire Sheikh sends his son to a university in the US. He buys his son a gold plated Ferrari so that he can commute from his house to the university everyday. A couple of weeks in, he gets really upset and sends an email to his dad: Dad, all my friends in the university use the public transport .. usually a train .. to come to university. I feel really embarrassed to be driving around in a gold Ferrari. Next day, the Sheikh responds: Don't worry son. I…

A guy walks into a car dealership... ...and two cars are picked out for him by the dealership. A car salesman explains, ""Every 4 years you can ask to keep the car we picked out for you, or you can swap it for another car we picked out for you"". So, the man thinks it's interesting, he does this and after 4 years he comes back in. ""I didn't really like this last car."" he says. The car salesman responds, ""Ok, well not a problem. You can keep that car, or replace it with this one we selected fo…

whats the difference between a Ferrari and 5 dead children? i dont have a Ferrari in my garage.

Three old ladies are boasting about their children. One says: ""I am so proud of my son! He worked very hard to become a lawyer, and now he is very successful, earning a lot of money. But he is also very generous. Recently, he just gave one of his fiends a brand new ferrari as a present!"" The other says: ""I am very proud of my son as well. He has started a company, worked very hard, and now he is a president of a large corporation. Be he is very generous too, recenty he gave one of his friends…

Did you hear about the snail who bought himself a Ferrari and painted a big yellow ""S"" on the side? Now wherever he drives, people watch and say ""Look at that S-car go!""

Three men arrive at heaven... Three men arrive at heaven. There God tells them that each part of their experience in heaven will be based off of how they behaved in their lives. He says that their transportation around the streets of heaven will be based on how faithful they were in their marriages. The most faithful man who never even thought about cheating on his wife was given a Ferrari, the man who would think about cheating but never did was given an average sedan, and the man that cheated …

A man dies and is waiting to enter heaven. Talking to St. Peter St.Peter explain that he will grant him access to heaven if he answers some basics questions... So St-Peter asks: ""How many time did you cheat on your wife ?"" ""Well... to be honest I have always been faithful to her and never cheated on her"" ""Hmm... Ok.. let me check in my book..... Hmm yes my son! You do are saying the truth !"" ""May I ask you why this is relevant?"" ""Well, here in Heaven the more you have been good with you…

Funny but old fake adopt an Enron Exec email from way back. Remember that whole Enron Scandal? I was looking through some old computer back up disks and found this. Probably wont be funny to younger kids but some old farts like me might get a chuckle: **Adopt an Enron Executive** Dear kind-hearted friends...Now that the holiday season has passed, please look into your heart to help those in need. Enron executives in our very own country are living at or just below the seven-figure salary level. …

Male logic!! is it working? MALE LOGIC Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day, which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 ...correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, the past 20 years puts you…

I leant my Ferrari to my friend Carlos and never got it back.

A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie. ""I'll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much"" Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says ""Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage."" The genie says ""Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2"" Next,the man says ""I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my garage"" The genie says, …

Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)

Dream Big A teacher asks her class, ""What do you want to be when you grow up?"" Little Johnny says ""I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day"". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to…

Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, ""Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon."" St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse. St. Peter calls up the third man. He repeats what he said befor…

Three men were discussing the presents they gave their wives... Guy 1: I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 4 seconds Guy 2: What? Guy 1: A brand new Porsche 911 Guy 2: Well I gave my wife something that goes from 0-60 in 3.2 seconds Guy 1: What? Guy 2: A brand new Ferrari Guy 3: That's nothing I gave my wife a present that goes from 0-250 in 2 seconds Guy 2: Wow what? Guy 3: A weight scale

A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway... A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway speeding slightly above the limit when he sees cop lights flashing in his rear mirror. In a instant of madness, the man thinks ""what the hell, I'll just outrun him"". After a few moments of extreme speeding the man comes the his senses, realizes he is acting crazy and pulls over. As he rolls down his window the cop tells him ""I should arrest you on the spot for that but you know what, it's the end of my…

A genie in a bottle grants a man all his wishes ""But"", says the genie, ""of all the things you wish, your wife gets double."" ""I wish for a hundred million dollars!"", orders the man. ""So it shall be. Your wife gets $200 million"", replies the genie. ""I wish for a Ferrari!"" ""A Ferrari for you, two Ferraris for your wife."" The man is not satisfied, so after a minute of thinking, he wishes: ""Beat me half dead!""

Father Knows Best! An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, ""Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!"" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably d…

Tiny Blue Dot A rich kid is taking his newly acquired vintage Ferrari out for a spin. He starts putting the pedal down as he gets out into the rural areas, just having a blast. His fuel starts running a bit low so he pulls into an old gas station. An older fellow wearing faded jeans and a blue shirt with the gas station logo comes over to the side of the car. ""What'll it be?"" he says, hooking his fingers into his suspenders. ""Premium, and fill 'er up,"" says the young man. The gas station att…

Other students come by train A student to his father: Dear father, Berlin is a fantastic city, people are nice and I really like that city. But, I am a bit ashamed to come to school with my golden plated Ferrari whereas professors and other students come by train. Love, Your son Next day, an answer comes: My dear son, I transferred 20M to your bank account. Please buy your train quickly. Your loving father.

Dark Jokes? What's worse than 18 dead babies in a bucket? 1 baby in 18 different buckets. What's the difference between a Ferrari and a pile of dead babies? I dont have a Ferrari in my Garage. EDIT: They don't have to be about dead babies

Three friends die and go to heaven... and meet God at the gate. God tells them that he will give them cars to drive into heaven, but first they have to tell him how many times they cheated on their wives, and they shouldn't bother lying because he has a big record book of every person's actions. God turns to the first man and asks how many times he cheated on his wife, to which the man responds ""twice."" God flips through the big book, and sure enough, the man was telling the truth. ""Since you…

People ask me why I don't have any tattoos. I tell em "" would you put a bumper sticker on your ferrari?