#ferrari

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a 1999 Ferrari GTO. It is also most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped (both looking about 75 years old) pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, ""What kind of car ya' got there, sonny?"" The young man replies, ""A 1999 Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"" ""That's a lot of money, ""says the old …

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting all alone at a nearby table. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her, knowing that, if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly brings it over to the woman, saying this is from the gentleman over there. She looks at the wine and sends a note over to the man. Her note reads: ""For me to accept th…

An unemployed guy goes door-to-door looking for work. One home-owner hands him a brush and a tin of paint and offers him $50 to paint his porch. A few hours later the guy goes to the home-owner and says, ""I've finished!! but I reckon you should know your car's a Ferrari not a Porsche!""

A man was walking on the beach one day and he found a bottle half buried in the sand. He decided to open it. Inside was a genie. The genie said"" I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only."" The man thought about his first wish and decided ""I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account. POOF! Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color. POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him. He asked for his final wish "" I wish I was irresistible to women."" POOF! He…

After seeing a documentary on how inner city youths can remove the wheels of cars in under 4 seconds with no specialist equipment the McLaren team decided to fire their pit crew and hire four of the youths as most races can be won or lost in the pit lane. The first race came along and the car came into the pits. The youths went to work but the McLaren team boss noticed a real problem. Not only had the youths replaced all four wheels within four seconds but within 10 seconds they'd re-sprayed and…

A salesman walking along the beach found a bottle. When he rubbed it lo and behold a genie appeared. ""I will grant you three wishes"" announced the genie. ""But since Satan still hates me for every wish you make your rival gets the wish as well -- only double."" The salesman thought about this for a while. ""For my first wish I would like ten million dollars"" he announced. Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and assured the man that $10000000 had been deposited. ""But yo…

One day the wife comes home with a spectacular diamond ring. ""Where did you get that ring?"" her husband asks. ""Well she replies ""my boss and I played the lotto and we won so I bought it with my share of the winnings. A week later his wife comes home with a long shiny fur coat. ""Where did you get that coat?"" her husband asks. She replies ""My boss and played the lotto and we won again so I bought it with my share of the winnings. Another week later his wife comes home driving in a re…

So a blonde is looking for some work... So a blonde is looking for some work and is going door to door to see if there is any small chores she can do for money. She goes up to this large house with a nice car in the driveway but a rather old and rickety looking porch that went all the way around the house. She walked up the stairs and round the house to get to the front door and rang the doorbell. A rather tall gentleman answered the door. "Can I help you?" he said. "Im in need of some work …

A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany... His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email: "Father, I love the way the Ferrari drives but it's so embarrassing, all the other students take trains to school! What should I do? Your loving s…

A teacher asks her kids in class.... "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importanc…

Three men die and go to heaven Three men die and go to heaven. They meet St. Peter at the gates. St. Peter calls up the first man. He says, "Heaven's a big place. I'll give you a car. How nice the car is will depend on your faithfulness to your spouse on Earth. You were not very faithful. I will give you a station wagon." St. Peter calls up the second man. He says the same thing. He gives the man a midsize car, because the man was pretty faithful to his spouse. St. Peter calls up the third…

Little Billy One day, a teacher asks the kids in her class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Billy: "I wanna be a billionaire, have a beautiful bitch on my arm, give her a Ferrari worth a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel the world, a 200-foot yacht, an Infinite Visa Card, and I want to make love to her three times a day." The teacher, shocked with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and co…

A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double." After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO." "Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket. "I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man…

Do you drink beer? Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 …correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past …

An 18-year-old Italian girl tells her Mom that she thinks she is pregnant. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test results show that the girl IS pregnant. Shouting , cursing, crying…the mother says, “Who wassa dah piga that do thisah to you? Ima wanna know!!” The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferarri stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with grey hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit …

A man finds a magic lamp A man finds a magic lamp while cleaning out his attic, he rubs some of the dust off of it and out pops a genie. "I'll grant you 3 wishes, but whatever you wish for, your ex wife will get twice as much" Bitter about his recent divorce, the man thinks for a bit and says "Alright, I want a mansion with a triple garage." The genie says "Here is your mansion with the triple garage, your ex wife has 2" Next,the man says "I want a BMW, a Ferrari and a Lamborghini for my …

Three men die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that he will ask each of them a question and that their answer will determine how they will get around in heaven. He asks the first man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “No, never!” St. Peter says, “Good man, I will give you a Ferrari for your loyalty.” St. Peter then asks the second man, “Have you ever cheated on your wife?” The man answers, “I did once and regret it to this day!” St. Peter says,…

My favorite clean joke - the Old Man and the Ferrari A young investment banker goes out and buys the car of his dreams - a brand new Ferrari GTO. After paying $500,000, he takes it out for a spin and stops at a red light. While waiting for the light to change, an frail looking old man on a yellow moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the Ferrari and asks, "What kind of car ya' got there, Sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!" "Wheeew…

A man asked a waiter to take a bottle of Merlot to an unusually attractive woman sitting alone at a table in a cozy little restaurant. The waiter took the Merlot to the woman and said, 'This is from the gentleman who is seated over there'. . . and indicated the sender with a nod of his head. She stared at the wine coolly for a few seconds, not looking at the man, then decided to send a reply to him by a note. The waiter, who was lingering nearby for a response, took the note from her and convey…

Three man dies and goes to heaven.. Three man dies and goes to heaven where it has been decreed that to each will be given a vehicle to use in heaven according to their deeds. First man arrives and St. Peter asks "How long were you married for?" "20 years" answered the first man. "And how many times did you cheat on your wife?" "5 times" He said.. "So be it" answered St. Peter, "You may enter, but you will receive only a Toyota Corolla" Second man arrives, St. Peter asks the same ques…

An Arab student e-mails his dad Dear Dad, Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari 599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train. Your son, Nasser. The next day, Nasser gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad: My dear loving son, Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account. Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too. …

A Lawyer Walked Into a Bank to Get a Loan... ...and a bank employee assisted him with the requirements. The employee asked, "How much are you going to borrow, sir?" "Five thousand dollars," the lawyer said. "And when do you intend to pay it?" the bank employee asked. "In 30 days." "Okay, sir, we have a standard 18% annual interest on short-term loans. Is that agreeable to you?" After a few moments of staring blankly at him, the lawyer nodded. The bank employee continued, "We would also nee…

Positive... James finds a friend whom he hasn't spoken with for a long time, so to be nice, he breaks the ice: " -Hey Oscar, how are you doing?" " -Terrible." " -What?! What about your Ferrari?" " -Wrecked in an accident... and the insurance had just expired." " -Well, you win some, you lose some... And what about your son, the intelectual one?" " -He was the one driving the Ferrari. Died upon impact." " -But what about your beautiful daughter, didn't she say she wanted to be a model or …

3 guys die and go to heaven... St. Peter was at the gate and said, "However faithful you were to your wife, that will determine the vehicle you will get in heaven". The first guy comes up to the gate and says, "I never, ever cheated on my wife; she was the love of my life and I told her every day. ". St. Peter smiled and handed him the keys to a brand spanking new Ferrari. The next man stepped forward and said, "I cheated on my wife just once. It was the biggest regret of my life, and I sti…

Three men turn up at the Pearly Gates of Heaven. Saint Peter asks the three men: ' Did you commit any adultery during your lifetime?' 'NEVER! I have lived a pure and virtuous life!', The first man shouts. 'All right, you may enter heaven en drive a golden Ferrari for eternity!', Saint Peter says. The second man says: ' Well you know... I've had a fling with my secretary. But, I am remorseful'. 'For this sin, you shall drive a golden Ford for all eternity', Saint Peter says. The third man s…