#politics

I met a girl last night with an AOL email address. She also had no idea women could vote and that we have a black president.

Hey kids! Make your voice heard this election day by hiding your parents identification! (Not applicable in some states)

Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in??

Always note whether a politician is wearing a lapel pin of a flag, as they are the only way to display patriotism.

I just hope the government doesn't have my Angry Birds scores. All in all they're pretty embarassing.

If the government keeps doing nothing for much longer, it will get its own reality show on E!

what did president abe lincoln call his journal? ...his lincoln logs

I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president.

If Donald Trump becomes president, we could finally out-crazy North Korea.

I applied for a loan from the U.S. Government, but was turned down because I had a legitimate repayment plan

Reporter: How do you feel that your proposal was turned down by Congress? Obama: Well, I've alw-- Biden: [grabs mic] TURNED DOWN FOR WHAT?

Mr. Trump, what will you do as President? TRUMP: I'll outlaw shredded cheese and only sell blocks Why? TRUMP: To make America grate again

When you're in the voting booth this fall, remember that Abe Lincoln didn't slay all those vampires so that Trump could become President.

Is Miley Cyrus pregnant? Will The government stay shut down? Will the GTA online servers work? Find out on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z

Having a favorite politician is like a homeless guy having a favorite can.

This election feels like Tim Burton was writing and directing it and halfway through Quentin Tarantino took over.

Under Bush we had 3 Shrek movies. Under Obama we had 1. Can we really trust a president whose #1 goal was to bring down the Shrek franchise?

President Obama just signed a law banning mobile phones in prisons. Well there goes about half of my followers

Imagine if Trump becomes President and we are invaded by aliens. Alien: Take us to your leader. America: *Looks ashamed* Are you sure?

trump is putting everyone who works at goldman sachs in the government so that there's no one left to run GS and they go out of business

Republicans: Don't let Syrians in! Trump: Don't let ANY Muslims in! Republicans: TOO FAR (dude be cool, we've got an election to win)

Me: Can I bet $20 on the Panthers to win the Super Bowl? Government: Sorry, no Me: Ok, can I buy 1k in powerball tickets? G: Lol, of course

If you were writing a TV show about politics and wrote it w/the storyline of this election people would write it off as unbelievable.

Thousands of stoners give up smoking weed to avoid having any association with Justin Bieber. Cleverest. Government. Propaganda. Ever.

For just $28,000, I will teach any politician or politician's wife to wave like a normal human being.