#politics

Reports are indicating that Ivanka Trump may take on some roles of the First Lady. Still no word on who will handle the duties of President.

It's nice to know that even people who are running for President are shitty at answering "What is your greatest weakness?"

It's weird that America has never had a bald eagle president but Australia has had several kangaroo prime ministers (I assume).

*toy container falls off ship* *Lego bricks wash ashore on a beach full of barefoot swimmers* *president declares a national emergency*

What if the Government invented cheese to distract us from reality? *gets arrested*

Hillary: if we aren't careful donald trump could be our next president. Let that sink in Clinton Aide: *opens door* Sink: sorry i'm late

"You can't tell me what to do! I do what I want!"- toddlers, teenagers and US congress

Movie idea: Channing Tatum and Chris Hemsworth are called on by the US government to take their shirts off and punch people who read books.

Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something.

It'd be nice if the pre-requisite to being a politician in the United States of America didn't involve being a lying sack of shit.

[GOP Debate] MODERATOR: this question is for Senator Cruz. How will you handle zodiackillersayswhat? CRUZ: what? MODERATOR: I knew it!

If I had to pick between being a hardcore Democrat and being a hardcore Republican I would definitely choose a noose.

Maybe stop asking 20yo beauty queens how to solve problems the government hasn't even been able to figure out in 200 years?

Sorry you didn't win Best Picture, "Mad Max: Fury Road," but if Trump wins the election, you can re-submit for "Best Documentary."

Clinton and Trump now enter the part of the election where they each have to spend a week looking after an egg with "America" written on it.

Government Shutdown: Day 4 3am: Monkey House, National Zoo A door crashes open. A triumphant screech. Ben Stiller escapes into the night.

in kindergarden i pooped my pants and got insanely mad when another kid asked me about it, and that's also the president's PR strategy

Dear President of Mexico, DO NOT fall for Trump's old trick where he mumbles "guypayingtobuildthewallsayswhat?" and you say "What?"

I used to think that Banana Republic was actually a government run by bananas

According to the 25th Amendment, if the President is incapacitated, the Vice President becomes the executive producer of "The Apprentice."

I work for the government which means I have to enter 2 passwords in order to print documents that are open to the public.

How come the Government knows when I don't file my taxes, and when I leave the country, and when I take a shit - but still needs a census?

My kids have voted, and the results are in. It's official, I've been elected the President of Empty Threats.

We're shutdown, but not 'stop collecting taxes' shutdown. - the government

*dog runs for president* *dog sits for president* *dog rolls over fo