#patrick

"Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick

I swear to drunk im not Patrick.

I bet Patrick Swayze's "Ghost" ghost & Bruce Willis's "6th Sense" ghost make beautiful pottery together in movie heaven.

Patrick: "Did you see my underwear?" Mindy: "No." Patrick: "Do you wanna?"

The reason Patrick is always clueless Is because he lives under a rock.

Spongebob might be the main character.... but Patrick is the star.

Why is the show called SpongeBob when... Patrick is the star. Hurr durr. Tee-hee.

Mortgage For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ""Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."" The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ""Son, where are you going?"" Little Patrick told him, ""I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you …

Do you smoke cigarettes? Paul: Do you smoke cigarettes? Patrick: Oh yes. Paul: How many sticks a day? Patrick: 7 packs. Paul: When did you start smoking? Patrick: 18 years ago. Paul: How much does a pack cost? Patrick: 10 dollars Paul: So you spent 70 dollars a day on cigarettes? Patrick: Yes. Paul: If you had saved the 70 dollars a day for 18 years, that would be $460,000 and you could be driving your own Ferrari right now. Patrick: Can I ask you a question? Paul: Go ahead. Patrick…

Read it in an Irish accent for full effect !? Teacher asks her class to give her a sentence containing the word CONTAGIOUS ! Little Mary says, "" my mum has flu and it is very contagious "" ! ""Very good"" says the teacher, "" what's your sentence Patrick "" ? ""The Black Plague killed thousands of people because it was contagious "" ! "" Excellent "" says the teacher aware that little Johnny had his hand up ! She couldn't ignore him anymore and eventually asks Johnny what his sentence is ! "" O…

Just some jokes I found. Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn't jump at all. Doctor: ""I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."" Patient: ""What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"" Doctor: ""Nine."" A man asks a farmer near a field, ""Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train."" The farmer says, ""Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you'll…

A man and his girlfriend are finally at their wit's end... They have been in a relationship for 5 long years, and it's clear that they must break up. The woman is a very serious person, and feels that her boyfriend can't take her needs seriously, as he is constantly making jokes. She looks at him and in a broken voice asks, ""So...is this it?"" The man looks back, and a tear leaks out as he looks at her and replies, ""No, this is Patrick.""

Mother gets trolled by his son Mother, ""How was school today, Patrick?"" Patrick, ""It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"" Mother, ""Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"" Patrick, ""What school?""

Why is Patrick so dumb? He's living under a rock.

Patrick wants a bike... For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ""Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."" The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ""Son, where are you going?"" Little Patrick told him, ""I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I hear…

It was Patrick Whack's first day in his new role as a loan assessor at the bank... ...and his boss, being not an arsehole, tells him that it's okay to ask him questions if he runs into trouble. His first customer of the day, an Italian with a strong accent, is after a personal loan, but doesn't have that much in the way of assets or a decent credit rating so Patrick is iffy on granting the loan straightaway, but asks the customer if he has any collateral. ""Oh-a, just a few knick-knacks, I'm afr…

Two Irish brothers are applying for Work Visas to Australia. The first brother enters his interview, quickly walks out, gives a thumbs-up and says to his brother ""I'm in!"" The second brother takes this as a sure sign that he will join him, and walks confidently into his interview. ""So Mr... Patrick O'Malley"", the interviewer begins. ""What skills can you bring to Australia?"" Patrick explains: ""Well, I'm a turf cutter. The best there is! My father was a turf cutter. His father was a turf cu…

""is this the Krusty crab?"" No! This is Patrick!

Patrick and Bruce Patrick Bateman and Bruce Wayne are having a business lunch together. Suddenly, Bruce senses something is wrong, and looks at his watch. ""Sorry to be so rude, but I've got to Bale"".

Seamus and Patrick were building a house. Seamus was hammering the cladding onto the walls on one side of the house, while Patrick was doing the same on the other side. After a wee while Seamus begins to notice that Patrick was swearing away a good deal more than he usually did, so he decided to wander over to the other side of the house to see what was wrong. ""Hey, Patrick, what's troubling you so mightily?"" asked Seamus. ""Well, you see, it's these nails,"" said Patrick, gesturing towards th…

A dog walks into a bank and asks for a loan... The teller says ""What collateral are you offering?"" The dog leans across the the counter, looks at his name tag and says ""Here's the thing Mr. Wakk, can I call you Patrick? I'm actually Keith Richard's son. So you know I'm good for it."" The teller says ""I'm sorry Mr. Dog we're still going to have to ask for collateral."" The dog hands him a ceramic elephant. Confused the teller goes to his manager and tells him the story. He says ""I don't know…

(I suck at jokes) It only Takes 1 An older Irishman is sitting at a Rural bar looking depressed. A regular at the bar notices, and asks the old-timer what's the trouble? [Old-Timer] See that road over there? [Regular] Aye [Old-Timer] I built that road. Carried the stones and put them in place my own sweat and blood. Do they call me Patrick the Road layer??? No... And the Bridge down that road... I built that bridge... Did anyone help me, no... Do they call me Patrick the Bridge-Builder?! No... (…

I recently broke up with a girl. She wasn't very happy about this and to show how sad she was she wrote this as her Facebook status: ""What's Mickey without Minnie, What's Tigger without Pooh, What's Patrick without Spongebob, What's me without U???"" So I commented: ""That would make you a Fcking Stpid Dmped Cnt""

Two Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer, and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his buddy, Shawn, ""O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for ye."" Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels. ""Shawny ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving 'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."" O'Brian burst into tears, ""Anything Patrick, anything ye wish. It's done."" ""Well…

For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, ""Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it."" The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, ""Son, where are you going?"" Little Patrick told him, ""I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you to wait becau…