#patrick

The Best Toast of the Night Patrick O'Reilly hoisted his beer at his regular pub and offered the following toast: "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me lovely wife!" That won him top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and proudly told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." "Aye, did ye now," said Mary. "And what was your toast?" Thinking quickly, Patrick said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in…

Patrick was drinking heavily on a Tuesday night at his local pub. He raised his glass and proclaimed, in toast, "here's to spending the rest of me life, layin' in bed next to me wife." The toast was met with raucous cheers and applause. Patrick was given the toast of the night award, given out on every Tuesday at the pub. When he brought the trophy home to his wife Patty she asked him what he said to get the prestigious award. Treading carefully, he replied "Here's to spending the rest of me …

A Drink for Each of My Brothers Patrick walked into a pub and sat down at the bar. He asked for three individual shots of whiskey, and the bartender said "you know, I can put that all in one glass for you." Patrick said, "no no, see, I have two brothers who live far away. This drink is for Finnigan, this one is for Fergus, and this one is for me. And when I drink them, it's like we're all together again." So a few months go by, Patrick having his three drinks in the bar on a regular basis, and…

the most famous person in the history of the world The teacher addressed his class,"I'll give five dollars to anybody who can name the most famous person in the history of the world." An Irish boy raised his hand and said,"St. Patrick." "Sorry Seamus, that's not correct." Then a French boy raised his hand and said,"Napoleon." The teacher replied,"I'm sorry, Jean, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and answered,"Jesus Christ." "That's right, David! You win the five d…

Patrick wants a bike... For his birthday, little Patrick asked for a 10-speed bicycle. His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this house is $80,000 & your mother just lost her job. There's no way we can afford it." The next day the father saw little Patrick heading out the front door with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?" Little Patrick told him, "I was walking past your room last night and heard you telling mom you were pulling out. Then I heard her …

Today we made explosives! Mother, “How was school today, Patrick?” Patrick, “It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!” Mother, “Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?” Patrick, “What school?”

Patrick's School Mother: "How was school today Patrick?" Patrick: "It was great mom! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Wow, they do really fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

I never understood why they named the show "SpongeBob" Patrick was literally the star of the show

""How was school today Patrick?""

Why I don’t play golf with Patrick anymore. My wife asked me why I don’t play golf with Patrick anymore.

Mother: ""How was school today Patrick?""

Patrick's School Mother: ""How was school today Patrick?"

Patrick brings home his new fiancé to meet his parents. Patrick brings home his new fiancé

Patrick wants a bike... For his birthday

Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news. "We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned." "Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer." "Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."

Is this the Krusty Krab?,"No this is Patrick.

Is this the Krusty Krab? No, this is Patrick.

Who is Patrick Swayze's favorite author? Wodehouse!

Psst, hey Patrick, what's funnier than 24? 15511210043330985984000000.

Two Irishmen are sitting in a bar. Mick's looking particularly sad and Patrick asks him what the matter is. mick says, "Well, I knew that my grandfather had died in the war, but I've just found out that he actually died in the Auschwitz concentration camp." Patrick says, "That's terrible, did he go to the gas chamber?" and Mick replies, "No, he fell out of the machine gun tower."

Patrick went to the emergency room with the tip of his index finger blown off. “How did this happen?” the doctor asked. “Well I was trying to commit suicide,” Patrick replied. The doctor asked, “Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?” “No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid $1000 to get my teeth straightened. So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going to make a loud noise…