#mcdonalds

A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement"".

Two american tourists are having lunch at a McDonald's in Leicester square They are arguing how to pronounce Leicester. To solve their dispute, they decide to walk up to the counter and ask the cashier. ""Excuse me ma'am, but can you tell me where we are? But can you pronounce it slowly, as you see, we're not from around here."" The cashier nods and says ""Mic...don...alds""

My Magic Green Hat Earlier this year while on vacation to escape the snow and cold, I passed through Florida on my way to the Caribbean cruise. The day after returning from my cruise, I wasn't feeling very well and decided that I really needed some medical assistance... and decided to visit the emergency room at the closest medical facility. Realizing that it would likely be very crowded and not wanting to sit there waiting for 4-5 hours to be seen, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT. As soon as I ente…

If Mcdonald's served hotdogs You could ask them to upsize your McWiener

How hungry do you have to be to eat feces? ...just hungry enough to get McDonald's.

What's the difference? What's the difference between a McDonald's burger and a Priest. Answer: none. They both put meat between two 10 year old buns..

NEWS FLASH Actor/photographer Ron Howard was found dead in his domicile earlier today. Strewn across the room where he lay dead, police report, were both emptied vials of heroin and discarded McDonalds hamburger wrappers. ""We no too sure what-a kill him,"" said Officer Bernie Piccolo, ""but we sure that-a opiate too much.""

What does a neckbeard eat when he is in a Mcdonalds in France? Le Big Mac

I could sense something was wrong... I woke up this morning at 8:00am and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found my wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30am.

An American and a European were playing Dark Souls... They both noticed their character was rolling too slowly, so the American thinks it must be the crossbow bolts he has equipped. He unequipps the crossbow bolts but nothing changes. Then the American gives up because he is thinking too hard xD. The European being much smarter realizes it is actually the crossbow itself so he unequipps the crossbow and now his character has less weight on him so he is not as fat or stupid as the american. The A…

My dad's favourite joke. This is the joke that my dad has been telling for as long as I can remember: A robber goes into a McDonald's and points a gun at the cashier. ""This is a robbery. Give me all the money!"" The cashier looks at him with a blank stare and says: ""Would you like fries with that?""

Caucasian fries So to day I took my grand kids to Popeye's restaurant for lunch. I told my grandson (who is mulatto) to place his order and get what he wants. He steps up to the counter and says ""I want chicken strips."" The lady taking his order says. ""what do you want to drink?"" ""Coke"" he says. What side do you want? she asks. ""I want Caucasian fries."" says my grandson. As I start to step forward (mortified) the lady (an African/American) says ""Sweetie your going to have to go to McDon…

McDonald's is coming out with a Michael Jackson burger... ...it's a 40 year-old piece of meat sandwiched in between two eight year-old buns.

Taking advantage of older men (scam) Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Si…

Lunchtime at McDonald's A fat girl served me in McDonald's at lunchtime. She said 'sorry about the wait'. I said, 'Don't worry, you'll find a way to lose it eventually'.

A Blonde, Brunette, and a Redhead... were driving down a desert road when the car runs out of gas. Realizing the gas station is still 10 miles ahead, they each decide to take one item with them. The Blonde asks the Brunette, ""What are you going to take?"". The Brunette responds, ""I am going to take these sodas with us just in case we get thirsty, we have something to drink."" The Blonde then asks the Redhead, ""What are you going to take?"". The Redhead responds , ""Well I guess I'll take the …

Yo mama is so fat.. When she goes to McDonalds and order 20 Burgers , 30 fries and 100 pieces of nuggets, they still ask her . ""Having here or take away? "".

So this bear is walking along and all of a sudden he gets hungry so he decides to go into Mcdonalds and get something to eat. He walks up to the counter and the lady asks him ""What can i get for you?"". He responds ""Yeah, can i get a big

The person who took my sneakers while I was on the jumpy castle at McDonald's Please grow up.

Mc'Donalds in hurricanes No wonder McDonalds places are still open during hurricane sandy. None off their customers can blow away anyways

I forgot to turn my SWAG off before I went to bed. I woke up poor and working at McDonald's.

A blonde walks into a library.. she goes up to the librarians desk and says, ""I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."" The librarian looks at her in disbelief. ""Uh, honey, this is a library, and not McDonalds."" The blonde is totally taken aback as she looks around and see everyone quietly reading books. She says, ""Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!"" *whispers* ""I'll have a quarter pounder with cheese, fries, and a diet coke please."" Edit: Grammar

McDonald's is opening their first restaurant in India. Employees must ask if you want flies with every order.

I saw a fat guy with a ""M.O.B."" tattoo on his arm. I asked ""money over b*tches?"" He said ""No, McDonalds over Burger King.

A fat girl just served me at McDonald's earlier. She said, ""Sorry about the wait""... I said, ""Don't worry hun, you'll lose that eventually.""