#mcdonalds

What does a bee get at McDonalds ? A humburger !

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night.

On the way to preschool the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. 'Be still my heart' thought my friend 'my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!' Then the child spoke to the instrument: ""Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?""

So a man owns a pet giraffe... ...and one day decides that he is peckish. So he goes down to his local McDonalds, giraffe in tow. He decides that he will have a hamburger; he buys one for the giraffe too. Then decides he's still hungry, so he has some fries. Again, the giraffe gets the same. The man then decides he is thirsty, and the giraffe and the man have a milkshake each. Satisfied, the man leaves with the giraffe. However the mixture has taken its toll on the giraffe, which falls down wit…

Guess how old I am? A man decides to have a face-lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you …

A Bear walks into McDonalds A bear walks into Mcdonalds and goes up to the register. "How can I help you?" (lady at register) "yeah can I get a milk..............shake?" (bear) "uh of course you can but I have to ask you....What's up with the pause?" (lady at register) "Paws?.......Well I am a bear"

An old lady gets a plastic surgery... She is glad with the results so much, that she decides to give herself a test. She goes around town to ask people if they could guess her age. First, she goes in a local McDonald's. She asks the cashier: - Excuse me, young man. Can you guess how old I am? - Hmm.. I don't know.. 32 maybe? - No! I'm actually 45! She's glad. Then she goes to buy some shoes. She asks the lady showing her a pair: - Oh sorry! Can you by any chance guess how old I am? - Hm.…

An elderly couple walks into McDonalds... ...and they order a single meal. A man sitting nearby watches as they carefully divide the burger and fries in half. He feels sorry for them and offers to buy them another meal. "It's ok," says the husband, "we share everything." After a few minutes the man notices that the wife has not touched her food while the husband is busy scarfing away. "I'm serious, it's no trouble," he says. "I can buy you guys another meal." "And I'm serious," replies the hu…

Guess my age? A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, "Oh you look …

How old do you think I am? A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," is the reply. "I'm exactly 47," the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. She replies, "I guess about …

Taking advantage of older men (scam) Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping…

A fat woman just served me at McDonalds... ... and said "Sorry about the wait". I replied and said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually".

Lenin, Stalin, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Gorbachev are sitting together on a train... The train breaks down. Lenin tries to rally the workers to work together and get the train running again. When that fails, Stalin lines up all the workers and shoots them. When that doesn't help, Khrushchev tries to reform the workers back to life. When that also fails, Brezhnev pulls down all the curtains in the rail car and says "let's just pretend the train is moving." After sitting in the dark for a while,…

How old do you think I am? A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonalds for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. H…

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell today! Technically he said, 'Less McDonalds' but I'm pretty sure I knew what he meant.

Sweet Old couple A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night. Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!" The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. …

A middle-aged woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends $8000 and feels great about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32," was the reply. "I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily. A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl,"How old do you think I am?" "I guess about 29." The woman excitedly…

"How old do you think I am?" A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied,…

Older Men Scam Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quit…

A lifetime supply of McDonalds is actually pretty short

A middle-aged woman saves money... ...for a plastic surgery. She wants to have a facelift. Finally, the big day arrives on her 47th birthday. It costs 5,000 dollars, but she feels like it was worth it. Her face is extremely beautiful and young again. She wants to test it, though, so she goes for a walk in the city centre. She stops at the post office and asks the employee: "Don't take this the wrong way, but how old do you think I am?" "Let's say 32" comes the answer. "I'm exactly 47!" says…

A man walked into McDonald's and saw a black woman with 8 children running all around her. "Mike, stop that!" she shouted at one. "Mike, stop bothering your brother," she yelled at another. "Mike, how many times do I have to tell you not to pick your nose," she chided yet another. "I'm sorry ma'am," the man said, "but... are all your boys named Mike?" "Yes sir," she replied. "Isn't that confusing?" he asked. "No, they all have different last names."

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, …

Guess My Age A woman decides to have a face-lift for her birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels really good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving, she says to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35," was the reply. "I'm actually 47," the woman says, feeling really happy. After that, she goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. The reply is, "Oh, you look a…

A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am…