#mcdonalds

Why did the chicken cross the road? To see his girlfriend on the other side, but then he got taken by McDonalds and crushed for chicken nuggets.

Slogan A High School teacher was lecturing her class on why companies advertise and what they do to make people remember them. ""That's why companies have slogans,"" he explained. ""For example, who can tell me which company says, 'I'm loving it!'"" To which the students reply, ""McDonald's!"" All the students knew that one. ""How about 'My Baloney has a first name.'"" To which some of the students said ""O-S-C-A-R."" He mentioned a few more, and discovered that his class was pretty savvy about …

What do Michael Jackson and Mcdonalds have in common? They both stick their meat between 13yo buns.

I wish lucid dreaming was more controllable Not the duration of lucid dreaming but the destinations I visit. I'm tired of going to McDonalds at 2am

What does Michael Jackson and McDonalds have in common? They both stick their raw meat into five year old buns. It's been almost 6 years...is it okay to make jokes yet?

If Bernie doesn't get the nomination, I'm voting Trump... Also, if McDonalds is out of Chicken Nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions.

Excuse me, miss. I'm sure you hear this everyday but... ... do you know where the nearest McDonald's is?

What do a Catholic Priest and McDonald's have in common? Both like to stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

Mcdonalds will be serving a new burger which you cant touch. Its called the Mchammer.

I'd like to be eight again. A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife, who was looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off, he asked what she'd like as a gift. ""I'd like to be eight again,"" she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her birthday, he rose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her to Adventure World theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the…

Why doesnt McDonalds serve snail? Because of sanitation reasons.

My buddy Bob got fired from McDonald's He just couldn't ketchup in the training.

What do pedophiles and McDonalds have in common? They are both bad for kids, but *I'm lovin it!*

The Pope Walks Into a Mcdonalds The Pope walks into a ghetto Mcdonalds. Two guys jump him and steal his big mac. They then hop into the car and begin driving off. The pope realizes he can't catch them. What does he do? He mutters the phrase, ""Jesus, take the wheel!""

PSA: BE CAREFUL SHOPPING AT HOME DEPOT SHOPPING AT HOME DEPOT A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing yo…

I believe i can fly i believe i can flyyy got shot by the pizza guyyy all i wanted was some onion ringggss from McDonald's or Burgerkinggg I believe i can soarrrr mom slapped me in the grocery storeee Even though im 24 I still got an imaginary dinosoarrrrr I believe i can falllll I tripped on a bouncey ballll Thought id post this funny jokes. Even though i got no votes.

A joke my mom heard a priest tell in church today: An elderly couple to decide to live a little and go to McDonald's... When they order the food, the old man divides the fries in half and splits the burger in two. Some students see this and offer to buy some more food so that they can both eat a whole sandwich. ""No, no, that's fine,"" says the old man, ""We share everything."" So the old man starts eating his half-burger and his half-order of fries-- but his wife is sitting there, not eating he…

Did you know that clumsy people are more likely to be obese? That's because they keep walking into things.........like McDonald's.

Cam Newton Just signed a contract with McDonalds. He will be promoting turnovers.

Whenever I go to McDonalds, they always ask me ""What can I get you?"" and I always say ""Give me a second."" And they always give me the number two.

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, ""I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?"" ""About 35,"" was the reply. ""I'm actually 47,"" the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, ""Oh you look about 29""…

""McDonald's sales soar thanks to all day breakfast"" In unrelated news toilet paper stocks have risen and plumber businesses have been unable to keep up with demands for work.

What does Jared from Subway have in common with McDonald's? They put their meat in 10 year old buns.

Which NBA team likes McDonald's the most? Denver Nuggets

What is McDonald's demolition service called? Quarter pounder.