#mcdonalds

I remove my license plates before using the McDonald's drive-thru in case I need to throw my drink in the cashier's face.

House Hunters: "We want a slide, cheeseburgers, a clown." Realtor: Are you describing McDonalds? "haha no" *3 kids tumble out of trenchcoat*

me: maybe those nazi salutes... we're just them reaching for the stars... McDonald's manager: this is the fastest I've ever fired someone

One of the rudest things you can do is make eye contact with someone eating McDonald's in their car.

My high school bully just made my McDouble, so I guess I won; but then again I am eating at McDonald's so I guess it's a tie.

In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH.

My problem with McDonalds is I can't go retrieve my kids in the play tubes because I can't fit in the play tubes because I eat at McDonalds.

McDonalds ...closing thigh gaps since 1967.

Dreading going to gym. It's kinda late. Open 24hrs, tho. Hey, you know who else is open 24hrs? McDonalds. Yeah. I'm going to McDonald's.

When tragedy strikes your community, McDonald's will still be there to take your money.

McDonalds could burn to the ground and I bet the fries would still be cold

The cashier at McDonald's was more than happy to warm up some Diet Coke for my baby's bottle.

McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window.

My facial tattoo is going to look so cool when I'm working as a janitor for McDonalds.

Me: *quickly flips through each layer of a Big Mac like a wad of cash* McDonald's employee: [nervously assuring me] it's all there I swear.

I'll have a whiskey please. "Ma'am, this is McDonald's." Sorry, a McWhiskey.

This baby at McDonalds may have started the screaming competition, but I guarantee I'm going to win it.

McDonald's is like if Ke$ha were a restaurant.

McDonald's being the official restaurant of the Olympics is like smoking being the official medicine of cancer.

I'm always behind the person at McDonald's who acts like they've never seen the menu in their life

There's both a McDonald's and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.

Then: Me: I want McDonald's Mom: Do you have McDonald's money? Now: Mom: I want grandkids Me: Do you have grandkids money??

Life hack: McDonald's will deliver if you tell them that you are holding Ronald hostage for a ransom of [your desired food order]

McDonald's french fries are not real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect. Tasted fine, too.

I always eat at McDonald's when they do the Monopoly pieces. 1 in 4 wins obesity.