#india

How did Christopher Columbus find India? He used Apple Maps.

Just now, from my dad: Have you heard the new Christmas carol from India? We Vishnu a Merry Krishnas.

What do you call a bunch of Indians running down a hill? A: A mudslide How do you make one? A: Roll a coin down a hill Who is the richest man in India? A: The guy who got the coin

Why doesn't India celebrate halloween? No Gandhi

What's the difference between Walmart and India? Well, one is filled with cows. And the other is in Asia.

What do they call cunnilingis in India? A punjob.

Why US didn't attack India, after twin-tower incident, looking for terrorists ? Because it didn't happen in 7/11

Did you hear about the murderer in India? he was a very sikh man

You call comcast and end up speaking to apu in India, how do your problems get fixed? When they transfer you to steve.

What are the similarities between a donkey and a Sikh? They both look incredibly cute when they are little. They both grow up and go into the transportation business. Note: sikhs - or sardarji as they are commonly known in india - are the largest ethnic group in the truck driver profession. Punjabi food is available on highways across the country.

Boss: Where were you born? Santa : India. Boss: which part? Santa : What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India.

What do they call divorce in India? Re-arranged marriage

Question: What river separates China and India? Answer: the Fraser River (which separates Richmond and Surrey)

Why is India surprised by the Brexit vote? They didn't know you could get Britain to leave by voting.

How do you fix a car in India? Get Atul to do it.

What time is it in India? 7-Eleven on the dot.

A young man arrived home in a state of exhaustion. "Are you okay?" asked his mother. "How did your day out with grandma go?" "Never again!" he said. "I've never been so embarrassed in my life. I couldn't believe some of the things she said, things like: 'What are you doing here? We don't want your sort in this country! Go on, get back to Africa, get back to India!' Everybody was staring at us. Eventually I had to tell her: 'Gran, it's a zoo.'" WEDDINGS

A man parked his car outside Buckingham Palace, and immediately a parking attendant ran over and told him: "You can't park there." "But I'm here to cut Prince Charles' hair," said the man. "Have you got a permit?" "No, I've gotta take a bit off the back and sides." Prince Charles and Camilla went on tour to a really rural area of India. The locals must have thought, 'Diana's let herself go a bit.' Frankie Boyle

An American was playing golf in India on a remote country course. The local people had not seen many Americans before, so his presence soon attracted a sizeable crowd who watched his progress enthusiastically. He seemed to respond to the attention, making a succession of low scores, which his new-found fan club applauded warmly. On the eleventh hole, he surpassed himself by holing a thirtyfoot putt for a birdie. As the ball went in, the crowd shouted: "Tiger Woods! Tiger Woods!" He thought such …

A man went into a fish and chip shop but was dismayed to receive only a small portion of chips. He asked the girl behind the counter: "Are you sure this fish is cooked properly?" "Yes. Why?" "Because it's eaten all my chips!" When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste. When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton. Jimmy Carr How a Real Woman Interprets Handy Hints From British TV Cook Delia Smith Delia's Way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bott…

A little old lady tried to phone her local bank but was put through instead to the bank's call centre in India. "Is that the High Street branch?" she asked. "No, madam," replied the voice at the other end. "It is now company policy to deal with telephone calls centrally." "Well, I really need to speak to the branch," said the old lady. "Madam, if you just let me know your query, I'm sure I can help you." "I don't think you can, young man. I need to speak to the branch." The call centre operator …

An Alabama state trooper pulled over a pickup truck on the highway. He said to the driver: "Got any ID?" The driver replied: "'Bout what?" In Alabama and India, there are similar symbols for married women. In India, a red dot on the forehead means you're married. In Alabama, it's a black eye. Mark Saldana

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a planeticket and took a trip to china. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American tha…

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!! After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanes…

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said,“Doctor I am on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.” Doctor : I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board. Man : No, Doctor, I have come to you only. Doctor : But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings. Man : I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only... Doctor: I can not, because you speak li…