#hillary-clinton

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed... Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that, if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die."" God thinks f…

What do Hillary Clinton and The Queen have in common?..... They're both hated by republicans

What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a factory-grown chicken? They're both getting beaten by the name of Sanders.

Living with a person that writes biographies must be really boring... Imagine living with someone that spends all day researching information about someone else... His whole life is dedicated to that... They'd talk exclusively about it, because it's their job, so you meet them in a party or something and the guy can tell you like 20 different facts about Hillary Clinton..

Regarding the 2016 Presidential Elections As we get closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time she had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky. And Monica blew it!!!

The Pope and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in Yankee Stadium in front of a huge crowd. The Pope leans towards Hillary and said, ""Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in the crowd go wild with joy? The joy will not be a momentary display , but will go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice."" Hillary replied, ""I seriously doubt that with one little wave of your hand that is possible; show me."" His Holiness then backh…

Hilary clinton President Obama said Hillary Clinton is approaching one million frequent flier miles in her job as Secretary of State. Though even that can't get her upgraded to the seat she really wants."" Jimmy Fallon Hillary Clinton says she and her family stay in touch by e-mailing a lot. Bill said, 'Yeah, that's why I'm always alone on the computer in my room, e-mailing my family.'"" Jimmy Fallon Hillary Clinton visited Egypt today for the first time since the uprising. When asked why she we…

Oldie but good Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find outt hat she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator of New York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming, ""How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what haveyou got to say…

Why will Hillary Clinton make a bad president? Because she is a woman.

Monica Lewinsky just released a statement on the presidential candidacy of Hillary Clinton... She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth.

Old cows eventually make for the best glue So if Hillary Clinton becomes president, there's hope that our divided country can once again stick together.

Hillary Clinton is running for president. She just sent the announcement via email.

Hillary clinton was driving past the whitehouse and ran over obamas dog. She pops out of the car and holding her face says: what ever am I going to do? Just then she notices a golden lamp on the ground near the dog and gives it a rub. The genie jump out and says thanks for freeing me! You get one free wish. She says- ok, I want this dog to be back alive! The genie looks at the dogs smashed head under her tire and says Whew, that dog is too far gone to save. Do you have another wish? Hillary clin…

Hillary: I Was Beta Testing Yahoo's Password-less Login Scheme Piggybacking on today's announcement of Yahoo's ""On-Demand"" password-less password system, Hillary Clinton revealed the real reason that she had been using a private email account to conduct government business. ""Now that Yahoo has announced they're doing away with passwords, I'm finally at liberty to set the record straight,"" said Clinton. ""The one and only reason that I have been using a personal email account to conduct matte…

Hillary Clinton and the Email Hillary: ""At least I, unlike Lindsay Graham, USE email! <drops mic>

An airplane was about to crash with Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, an old man and a young boy... Unfortunately there were only 3 parachutes left for the 4 of them.   Barack Obama said ""I am the president of the United States, and I have a great responsibility, being the leader of nearly 300 million people, and a superpower!"" So he takes the 1st parachute, and jumps out of the plane.   Hillary Clinton, said ""I am the future first female President of the United States and I am…

What did Hillary Clinton say when Bill wanted a new Saxophone ""Not until you get rid of that HarMonica.""

So an airplane was about to crash..... An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4 parachutes. The 1st passenger said, ""I am Kobe Bryant, the best NBA basketball player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to die."" So he took the 1st pack and left the plane. The 2nd passenger, Hillary Clinton said, ""I am the wife of the former US President, a NY State Senator and a potential future President. I deserve to live"" And she took the 2nd pack and jumped out of the pl…

Hilary Clinton is pregnant.... Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find outthat she's pregnant! She is furious. Here just became the senator ofNew York and this has happened to her. She gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming: ""How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! Howcould you? ? !!! I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault!!! Your fault!!! Well, …

Topical Jokes for 6/17 (For best results, imagine these in the voice of your favorite talk show host) In Michigan, a man was arrested after he tried to toss a football filled with drugs into a prison. Prison guards knew something was wrong when they heard 700 inmates shouting, ""I'M OPEN! I'M OPEN!"" The United States announced they've arrested the mastermind of the 2012 attack in Benghazi. When Republicans heard the news, they said, ""Oh great! They caught Hillary Clinton!"". Coca Cola is testi…

The economy is doing really bad... Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.

President Obama had lunch today with Hillary Clinton. Hillary told the president, ""After phoning my top advisers, I think I'll run for office."" And the president said, ""I know. I listened in.""

Why did Trump insist on Hillary Clinton as Secretary of state? He doesn't believe women should get above secretary

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. ""Al, what do you believe in?"" Al replies, ""Well, I believe I won that election, but that it was your will that I did not serve. And I've come to understand that now."" God thinks for a second and says, ""Okay, very good. Come and sit at my left."" God then addresses Bill. ""Bill, what do you believe in?"" Bill replies, ""I belie…

Hillary Clinton is out jogging. she passes a young boy selling puppies. ""Buy a puppy Ma'am?"" asks the lad. ""Oh no sorry,"" says Mrs. Clinton. "" We have a cat already you know."" ""But they are Democrat puppies, Ma'am"" asserts the enterprising lad. Clinton smiles, but again declines. The boy nods, Clinton jogs on. The next day Clinton is jogging by the same spot. There again is the boy still trying to sell the puppies. As Clinton jogs by she over hears the youth telling the potential custome…