A redditor walks in to bar... The bartender says, "what'll you have?" "It's been so long since I've had a good laugh", replies the redditor. "I'll give you $100 if you can tell me a joke I haven't heard before." "That sounds easy enough", replies the bartender. "I should warn you", the redditor says, "I browse /r/jokes so I've heard them all over and over and over again". Curious, the bartender pulls out his phone and browses /r/jokes for a few minutes. "How about this?" he asks, "A m…

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Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton set aside their differences to talk to a group of third graders... So Hillary tells the students, "Today we are going to talk about the difference between a tragedy, a great loss, and an accident. Can anyone give me an example of a tragedy?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "If a kid runs out on the street after a ball and gets hit by a car?" Donald goes, "No, that would be an accident, can anyone else try?" A little girl raises her hand and says, "If a …

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Donald and Hillary go into a bakery .. Donald and Hillary go Into a Bakery on the Campaign Trail As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Donald, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't see anything and I don't even need to lie.” I will definitely win the election. Donald says to Hillary, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you…

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A man brought his son to a grocery store... A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance. Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon." A nearby mother was very impres…

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A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks for?" St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move." "Oh", said the man. "Whose clock is that?" "That's Mother Teresa's", replied St. Peter. "The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie." "Incredible", said the man. "And whose …

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The trump family is flying from New York to DC Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?" So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?" EDIT: Thank you for the gol…

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Donald and Melania live in the same house in Florida, but they don't like each other. One day, they come across a golden frog who offers them three wishes each. Donald wishes that all the other people in Florida were hot women. Melania looks disgusted, thinks for a minute and wishes for a motor cycle helmet. Donald's second wish is that everyone in the neighboring states were hot women too. Melania smiles and wishes for a motorcycle. Donald’s final wish is that all the other people in the cou…

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Bubba Once When Bubba got a new job, he says to his new boss, β€œBoss, I know everyone in the whole world!” His boss doesn't believe him, so he says β€œNo you do not know everyone in the whole world.” Bubba says β€œYes I do!” Bubba's boss says β€œWell prove it!” Bubba says β€œPick someone and I know them!” Bubba's boss thinks for a minute and then comes up with a name. β€œTom Selleck! I bet you don't know Tom Selleck!” Bubba says β€œTom Selleck! Tom and I were in boy scouts together…

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A collection of humorous anecdotes from the world of education >TEACHER: Maria, please can you find North America on the map. > >MARIA: Here it is. > >TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? > >CLASS: Maria. ​ >TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? > >JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. ​ >TEACHER: Glen, how do you spell 'crocodile'? > >GLEN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L > >TEACHER: No, that's wrong. > >…

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