#donald

A man died and went to heaven As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, ""What are all those clocks?"" St. Peter answered, ""Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."" ""Oh,"" said the man, ""whose clock is that?"" ""That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."" ""Incredible,"" said the man. ""That's Abraham Lincoln's …

Donald Trump goes to a bar for a drink. Donald Trump goes to a bar for a drink when he noticed a Mexican looking at him. Donald wanted to spite the Mexican so he told the waiter, ""Serve everyone here with the most expensive wine that you have besides the Mexican over there."" The waiter did what he asked but the Mexican man only smiled back at Donald Trump. Annoyed Donald Trump told the waiter, ""Serve everyone with the most expensive Cognac that you have besides that Mexican over there."" Agai…

Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and a young girl all board a small plane... Midway through the flight, the pilot has a stroke and the plane starts to go down. There are only three parachutes on board and the four passengers quickly discuss who of them will take them. Immediately the Donald says, ""I'm the first human orange to be nominated for president, I should be given the chance to live!"" He quickly grabs the first chute, slings it on his back, and hops out of the plane. Befo…

Stephen Harper's Campaign Against Trump ""Donald Trump: He's just too old""

The Donald Trump Song Who's got the bestest disposition? One guess -- guess who! Who never never starts an argument? (Woman: Hmmmm?) Who never shows a bit of temperament? Who's never wrong but always right? (Donald: Yeah?) Who'd never dream of starting a fight? (Donald: That so?!) Who gets stuck with all the bad press? No one... (Donald quacks angrily) but Donald Trump ! (Donald: Yeah!) PS : The funniest thing is that I didn't have to change a lot of the original Donald duck song.

Why don't Donald Trump's fans care that his wife ripped off Michelle Obama's speech? Because none of them got to the point in school when they explained plagiarism is wrong

""Donald is intensely loyal. To family, friends, employees, country."" -His 3rd wife

What is donald trumps biggest fear? Mexican ghosts that can walk through walls

Melania Trump immigrated to America in 1996 And after her speech I now see why Donald says that ""all immigrants are thieves""

Donald Trump's has said his favorite movie is Citizen Kane It's about a guy who inherited his wealth, flirted with fascism, and ended up a delusional, sad man. I really don't have anything to add to that.

Donald Duck walked into a bar. He drinks three whiskeys and then buys Goofy a beer. The barman asks 'Do you want me to put that on your b' Donald stops him in his tracks because his old friend, a horse, walks in. The barman greets him 'Why the lo' Again Donald stops him and anounces 'I like my women like I like' Noe goify stops him 'Ok, ok, we get it. r/jokes has crashed again.'

donald trump's immigration policy If he doesn't use #Mexit when describing his immigration policy it will be a missed opportunity.

donald trump joke Donald Trump is speaking at a campaign event in South Carolina. He asks if the crowd wants to hear a joke? The southern crowd goes ""USA! USA! USA!"" What do you call 10 illegal immigrants on the moon? A problem. What do you call 100 illegals on the moon? A problem. What do you call 1000 illegals on the moon? Still a problem. What do you call all of the illegal immigrants on the moon? Problem solved.

What is Donald Trump's biggest fear? Mexican ghosts who can walk through walls.

Did you hear that Donald Trump's new hair will cause riots due to its connection to satanic rituals? If he confirms the change, they'll be hell toupee. I'll show myself out.

Did you hear Mexico agreed to help Donald Trump build his wall? They've gotta keep all those Americans out once Donald gets elected. Sorry, super liberal grandpa told me this one on Father's day. Couldn't help but share.

What is Donald Trump's favourite song? Another brick in the wall

HAHAHAHAHAHAH donald trump and hillary are stranded on a boat, and it sinks, so who survives? AMERICA

Donald trump already has a private jet he plans on putting in production for his presidency. He's calling it the hair force one.

What is Donald Trump's favorite type of cheese? White American.

Donald Trump's Library Burned Down... In a disastrous fire that destroyed Trump's library huge damages were sustained and all his books were lost. The real tragedy is that he hadn't finished coloring one yet!

What's another name for a boxy plow pulling baby maker? A Mexican. Make America great again! Vote the Donald!

A fish runs in to a wall and says... ""Dammit Donald!""

Why do Donald Trump's hands seem to act erratically and sometimes seem to stop where they are at the worst times? He suffers from low-handwidth...

Donald Trump goes to meet the queen... ...while there he is most impressed with the service she recieves from her butlers and staff and he asks her how she gets such good employees. She says she screen them for intelligence and proceeds to demonstrate by summoning David Cameron: ""Come here, David. Now answer me,"" she starts, ""if your mother and your father have a child and that child is neither your sister nor your brother, who is that child?"" David looks a bit flustered but answers: ""Why M…