#donald

What's Donald Trump's favorite dessert? Vladimir Puddin

Classic jokes modified to Donald Trump and Putin One day while walking through the countryside the President of Russia discovered an old lamp. He started to polish it and out came a genie who told him that for freeing him from the lamp he would grant him one wish. Putin thought for a minute before declaring, ""I am a poor simple man with simple needs, therefore I wish that Putin pee vodka!"" The Genie exclaimed that Putin's wish was granted and disappeared in a poof of smoke. Putin runs home and…

Obama, Hillary and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, ""Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in."" God asks Obama first: ""What do you believe?"" He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, ""I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen."" God can't help but see the essential goodness of…

What has 100 legs and 50 brain cells? The front row of a donald trump rally!

Donald Trump's favorite movie is the Big Lebowski. It's about trying to find the perfect rug while sucking down strong white Russians.

Heaven Obama, Hillary, and Trump are standing at the throne of heaven. God looks at them and says, ""Before granting you a place at my side, I must ask you what you have learned, what you believe in.""God asks Obama first: ""What do you believe?"" He thinks long and hard, looks God in the eye, and says, ""I believe in hard work, and in staying true to family and friends. I believe in giving. I was lucky, but I always tried to do right by my countrymen"". God can't help but see the essential good…

One of Donald Trump's slogans is America First! We'll rob the other countries later.

What do you call a cross between a bulldog and shitzu? Its called ""Whatever comes out of Donald Trump's mouth"".

The Secret Service has come up with a new plan for protecting our president-elect. In the event of an armed attack, they will yell ""Donald, duck!""

President Trump and the Pope. President Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just floated in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the h…

Why is Donald Trump's pet bee so unwilling to share information? It's a cagey bee.

President-Elect Trump invited the Pope for lunch on his mega yacht, the Pope accepted and during lunch, a puff of wind blew the Pontiff's hat off, right into the water. It floated off about 50 feet, then the wind died down and it just stayed in place. The crew and the secret service were scrambling to launch a boat to go get it, when Trump waved them off, saying ""Never mind, boys, I'll get it."" The Donald climbed over the side of the yacht, walked on the water to the hat, picked it up, walked …

Using high powered gamma rays, creatures on Mars have established total mind control over Donald. And Hillary. And the liberal press. And the Alt-right. Hey, all I know is what I read on Facebook. (But it explains everything!)

A man asked his neighbour Donald -I've noticed that so many women come to your house, how do you to seduce them? -Well I try not to call them by their real names, it helps to build the relation faster. The man returns home and knocks on the door to try this method with his wife, he shout : It's me Jeyjey She replies : the door's open Donald, come i'm in my bed.

Donald Trump goes on a fact-finding visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and dies. The undertaker tells the American Diplomats accompanying him, ""You can have him shipped home for $50,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land for just $100."" The American Diplomats go into a corner and discuss it for a few minutes.They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Donald shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, ""Why would you spend $…

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done. Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife. Donald's hair gets finished first, and when the barber tries to apply some cologne to it, Donald goes nuts ""Are you out of your mind? I can't go to my house smelling like I've been in a brothel. Melania would go crazy"". Right at that …

An advisor runs up to Trump and says ""Sir, the people are revolting!"",... So Donald looks down from his 58th story office window at the protest on his doorstep. With his arms crossed in disgust he says: ""They sure are!""

What's Donald Trump's favorite drink? A white Russian.

What did the Secret Service agent say to the President-elect when someone tried to take a shot at him? Donald, Duck!

If someone tries to assassinate Trump what will the secret service shout? ""Donald, duck""

Donald Trump's first act in office will probably be to illegalize all shredded cheese. He will Make America Grate Again.

It was Donald Trump's first day in office, and he had no clue what to do... He decided to call upon the ghosts of previous great presidents to ask for their advice. ""What do I have to do to become a great president?"" Trump asked the ghost of George Washington. ""You must never tell a lie,"" Washington responded. Trump scoffed. ""No way! do you really expect me to do that? You're useless Washington."" The ghost vanished, only to be replaced by the spirit of Thomas Jefferson. ""What must I do to…

As Hillary is leaving to go vote... ...she says to Bill, ""tonight there will be two presidents sleeping in this bed."" The next morning Bill says ""so, is Donald coming here tonight or are we going over to his place?""

What's three feet long and keeps a twat warm? Donald Trump's scarf.

If Donald Trump's Hair turns out to be a wig then... There'll be hell Toupee.