#sunday-school

Little April and Sunday school Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and …

Little Johnny at Sunday school. Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and…

Little johnny's intelligent answer Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, ""Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."" Little Johnny looked up and replied, ""Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.""

Little Johnny is at Sunday school and his teacher asks him ""If I went to Church every week, and tried to live my life following the ten commandments, would I get into heaven?"" ""No!"" answers little Johnny ""If I sold my house, my car, and all of my other possessions, and gave all the money to the church, would I get into heaven?"" Little Johnny replies ""No!"" ""Ok, well if I spent my whole life being charitable, loving my family, and being kind to everyone I met, would I get into heaven then…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?"" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty! "" shouted Lucy and the teacher said, ""Very good,"" and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, ""Who is our …

Where is Jesus today? A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, **""Where is Jesus today?""** Steven raises his hand and says, *""He's in Heaven.""* Mary answers, *""He's in my heart.""* Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, **""He's in our bathroom!""** The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. **""Well,""** Little Johnny says, **""every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom…

Since it is ethnic joke day and all here's a Greek one. Little Jim comes home from Sunday school. Mom: What did they teach you today, honey? Jim: Today they taught us about Moses. God sent him on a secret mission to free the Hebrews from Egypt. When they got to the Red Sea Moses had his mechanics build a bridge so everyone could pass but when the Egyptians arrived and started crossing the bridge he called for backup from his radio and his mine squad blew the bridge up, drowning the Egyptians and…

Little Johhny in Sunday school Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ""Tell me, April, who created the universe?"" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""GOD ALMIGHTY!"" shouted April and the teacher said, ""Very good"" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, ""Who is our Lord and …

The Anti-English Irish priest There was once an Irish priest named Father Patrick, full of passion and zeal, who hated the English. While his congregation just accepted it as part of his eccentricity, it started to make them uncomfortable when this bigotry seeped into mass. It got to the point where a small group of them arranged to meet with a cardinal, with whom they shared their discomfort. The cardinal, also Irish, calls in Father Patrick - ""Faith, Paddy me lad! I understand that you don't …

Two schoolgirls are coming home from Sunday school one day... One turns to the other and says, ""Do you believe in the devil?"" The other one says, ""Don't be silly, of course not, the devil is like Santa; it's only your dad."" Season one episode two of the BBC's Luther. **** *http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Luther/70175633

Rabbi Nakayama A small Jewish community in the north has been waiting for a Rabbi for years. Finally, they get word that the Rabbinical Council found someone, and the entire community goes out to the one-runway airport to meet him. When the plane lands, a Japanese man steps out and tells them he's Rabbi Nakayama. They're a little confused at first, but he immediately addresses the needs of the community and slides into their religious life. Over the next year, he becomes their favourite Rabbi of…

A Sunday School teacher was teaching her young students When she decided to ask them where Jesus lives. A young little girl raises her hand and says ""Jesus lives in heaven with God!"" A young boy says ""Jesus lives in our hearts!"" The teacher was quite pleased with their answers until she saw Little Johnny raise his hand. She calls on Johnny and he says ""Jesus lives in my bathroom."" The teacher was confused so she asked him where he got his answer from, too which he replies ""Every morning I…

Susan at Bible Shool Susan was a good little Christian girl, but one Saturday night, she stayed up way to late. So when Sunday rolled around and it came time for Sunday School, she finally forced herself to go. Upon her arrival she figured it wasn't all that important as it was the same lesson from 3 weeks ago. She dozed off, and when the teacher asked her, ""Who is the Son of God?"" The boy next to her poked her with a pencil. She immediately woke up and exclaimed, ""Jesus Christ!"". After this…

Johny has a test for Sunday school, so he asks his older sister to check up on him. Johny: All right, I'll start with the eight deadly sins. Sister: The deadly sins are seven. Johny: Huh? Weren't the gospels seven? Sister: No, the gospels are four. Johny: Seriously? I thought the apostles were four. Sister: The apostles are twelve you idiot! Johny: What? I could swear the ten commandments were twelve.

How do you get out of Sunday school? You tell your mom you're Sikh.

Little Mary #1 Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher asked her while she was napping, ""Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary. The teacher said, ""Very good,"" and little Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ""Who is our Lord and Savior?""…

What part of the body goes to heaven first? In Sunday school, Sister Mary asked the class: ""What part of the body goes to heaven first?"" In the back of the class, nasty Billy waved his hand frantically, but Sister Mary, suspecting a wrong answer, turned to another child. ""Yes, Susan?"" ""The heart goes to heaven first because that's where God's love lives."" ""Excellent,"" said Sister Mary, ""and you, Charlotte?"" ""The soul, Sister Mary, because that's the part that lives beyond death."" ""V…

A Sunday School teacher read a passage from the Old Testament book of Jonah to her class: ""And the Lord appointed a great fish to swallow up Jonah; and Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights. Then Jonah prayed to the Lord his God from the belly of the fish, saying 'I called to the Lord our of my distress and He answered me.' ... and the Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited out Jonah upon the dry land."" (Jonah 1:17 -- 2:2, 10) When she had finished reading, the teacher…

A young boy came to Sunday School late. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church. The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing, To which the boy replied, ""Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us.""

The Nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, ""When you die and go to Heaven... which part of your body goes first?"" Suzie raised her hand and said, ""I think it's your hands."" ""Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"" Suzie replied, ""Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"" ""What a wonderful answer!"" the Nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, ""Sister, …

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the Kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, ""Johnny, what is the matter?"" Little Johnny groaned and responded , ""I have a pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.""

A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc. So he asked his class, ""Where is Jesus today?"" Steven raised his hand and said, ""He's in heaven."" Mary was called on and answered, ""He's in my heart."" Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, ""I …

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'

Two cars were waiting at a stoplight. The light turned green, but the man didn't notice it. A woman in the car behind him is watching traffic pass around them. The woman begins pounding on her steering wheel and yelling at the man to move. The man doesn't move. The woman is going ballistic inside her car, ranting and raving at the man, pounding on her steering wheel and dash. The light turns yellow and the woman begins to blow the car horn, flips him off, and screams profanity and curses at the …

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, ""Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."" Johnny looked up and replied, ""Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.""