#sunday-school

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing,stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered…

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, ""If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?"" ""NO!"" the children answered. ""If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"" Again, the answer was, ""NO!"" By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! ""Well, then, …

Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, ""We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?"" ""Sure,"" said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, ""Now go out and …

God the Artist A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question. ""Boys and girls, what do we know about God?"" A hand shot up in the air. ""He is an artist!"" said the kindergarten boy. ""Really?! How do you know?"" the teacher asked. ""You know - 'Our Father, who does art in Heaven...""

Little Johnny & the Devil A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, ""Do you believe in the Devil?"" ""No,"" said Little Johnny. ""It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy.""

A Sunday school teacher of preschoolers asked the students to learned one fact about Jesus by the following Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what he or she had learned. Susie said ""He was born in a manger."" Bobby said ""He threw the money changers out of the temple."" Little Johnny said ""He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it."" Curious the teacher asked ""And where did you learn that Johnny?"" ""From my Daddy"" said Johnny. ""Yesterday we were …

Johnny was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School. ""Well mum our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. ""When he got to the Red Sea he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and saved the Israelites."" ""Now Johnny is that really what your teacher t…

The Sunday School teacher asked if any of the children's parents had quoted from the Bible in the past week. Little Timmy paused but then spoke up ""My daddy doesn't have any hair on his head. Daddy says that God put hair on everything that he was ashamed of.""

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping ""Tell me Mary who created the universe?"" When Mary didn't stir little Johnny an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ""God Almighty!"" shouted Mary and the teacher said ""Very good"" and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary ""Who is our Lord and Savior"" but Mary didn't even sti…

A certain little girl when asked her name would reply ""I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."" Her mother told her this was wrong she must say""I'm Janey Sugarbrown."" The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School and said""Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?"" With her mother standing just a few feet away the little girl replied ""I thought I was but Mommy says I'm not.""

Little Johnny is in Sunday School, and little Mary Margaret in the front row pipes up, "Sister Jean, what part of our body gets to heaven first?" And the sister Jean smiles and asks, "Well what do you think, class? What part of your body gets to heaven first?" Tommy raises his hand, "I think it's your hands, 'cuz that's what you pray with." "Oh lovely, Thomas." says sister Jean Then little Mary Margaret chimes in again "I think it's your heart, 'cuz that's where Jesus lives" Sister Jean c…

A Sunday School Teacher . . . A Sunday School Teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

Good Sunday On their first date, a man asked his companion if she'd like a drink with dinner. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said. Later, he offered her a cigarette. "Oh, no, what would I tell my Sunday school class?" she said again. On the drive home, he saw a motel. Figuring he had nothing to lose, he asked if she wanted to stop in there. "Okay," his date replied. "What will you tell your Sunday school class? he asked, shocked. "The same thing I always t…

Little Johnny fell asleep in Sunday school... The teacher asked, "Johnny, who is our Lord and savior?" The boy behind him poked him in the back with a pin. Johnny shot upright and shouted, "Jesus Christ!" "Correct," said the teacher. Johnny then fell back asleep. The teacher called on him again, "Johnny, who was Jesus's mother?" Again, the boy behind Johnny poked him. Johnny woke up again and exclaimed, "Mary mother of God!" "Correct," said the teacher once more. Johnny fell back asleep. The t…

Where is Jesus today? A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, **"Where is Jesus today?"** Steven raises his hand and says, *"He's in Heaven."* Mary answers, *"He's in my heart."* Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, **"He's in our bathroom!"** The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. **"Well,"** Little Johnny says, **"every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom d…

Little Lucy & Little Johnny Little Lucy was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Lucy, who created the universe?" When Lucy didn't stir, Little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty! " shouted Lucy and the teacher said, "Very good," and Lucy fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Lucy, "Who is our Lord …

So a man is set up on a blind date with a Sunday school teacher... He was worried about possibly going out with a prude but decided to give it a shot anyway. He took her out to dinner and asked what kind of wine should they order. She responded "Oh no, I couldn't have a drink. What would I tell my Sunday school?" Disappointed, he realized this date was getting a little lame. As they left the restaurant he offered her a cigarette. "Oh no, I couldn't have a cigarette. What would I tell my Su…

Little Johnny... Finding Jesus A Sunday school teacher is concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus, so he asks his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raises his hand and says, "He's in Heaven." Mary answers, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny waves his hand furiously and blurts out, "He's in our bathroom!" The surprised teacher asks Little Johnny how he knows this. "Well," Little Johnny says, "every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door and yell…

Sunday school Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April d…

What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked …

Adam and Eve Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?" When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary, and the teacher said, "Very good," and Mary fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior," but…

Little Johnny at the playground Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprimand the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

Little Mary Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good'' and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'…

Susie wasn't the best student in Sunday school... Susie was sleeping in class when the teacher asked her "who created the universe?" Timmy, who was sitting behind her, poked her with his pencil to wake her up and she yelled out "God Almighty!" Very good, said the teacher. Later, when Susie was sleeping again her teacher asked her "Who is our lord and saviour?" Again Timmy poker her with a pencil and she yelled out "Jesus Christ!" Well done, said the teacher, who was clearly impressed. Even la…