#siberia

Anyone who claims on the internet that the President is a Communist, should be forced to spend a year in 1934 Siberia.

Eastern Europe - 1989 "If we leave the Soviet Union, we might have to get visas to visit Siberia and turnips will be more expensive"

While we're on the subject of Russian jokes... Here's one I have heard about the gulag. A little background: many jokesters ended up doing time in Siberia, and obviously couldn't be heard telling jokes while they were there. So, they invented a system where each joke was identified by a designated number. Let's call [this joke](http://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/wpeyj/a_joke_my_russian_friend_told/) #39. Here's how this one goes: A couple of prisoners are sitting around the gulag, telling ea…

A man from Moscow decides to move to a new collective farm in Siberia. His family is excited at the possibility of leaving their cramped flat in the city for a nice country house, but they have heard mixed things about the new Siberian farms so the man agrees to go on his own first, and write back to let them know if they should follow him or not. They know the government censors will read the letter, so they agree in advance to use a simple code: anything written in blue ink is true, but anythi…

Deep in Siberia, three prisoners huddle around a small fire and discuss their sentences. ""Every day, I arrived five minutes late to work,"" says the first. ""Because I was careless, I was arrested for sabotage."" ""Do not fool yourself,"" says the second. ""Every day, I arrived five minutes early to work. I was arrested for spying."" The third stares quietly at the fire, rocking his head back and forth. ""Every day I arrived precisely on time,"" he says. ""My record was perfect. It was in this …

Workinhg in Soviet Siberia a German worker gets a job in Siberia; aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: 'Let's establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false.' After a month his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink. 'Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the West, t…

Latvia in WW2 Latvian man sent to front in Great Patriotic War. No potato, much shooting. Is captured by Germans. Germans send to POW camp. Get own potato as prisoner! But Soviets liberate camp, take all potato. Man dies in Siberia.

Is funny because joke does not work in Russian. Guy is loading missile onto truck at silo in Siberia sometime in middle of night. He stops to take shit in freezing cold. Next day, investigator leans over shit and says ""It would appear thief took *two* ICBM""

Latvian joke. Are three. Latvian go fish. Catch fish. Is excite for food! Boat tip over. Lose fish. Also catch sickness. Die. Leave family only half potato. Latvian very hungry. Go to neighbor, beg for food. Neighbor very nice, give half potato wrapped in paper. Latvian go home. Too late. Family all starve. Also, not potato wrapped in paper. Is rock. Also very cold outside. Latvian meet magician on road. Magician offer to do trick. Latvian ask Magician to send him to America, where there many po…

Why did a anowman send his father to Siberia? Because he wanted frozen pop !

The Pretzel Hold. Back in the days of the Cold War, the United States and the Soviet Union played out their battle for world domination at the Olympics, and the signature event was heavyweight wrestling. Both sides wanted the bragging rights in that event, and they stopped at nothing to get the edge. And so, deep in the wastelands of Siberia, the Soviets brought all of their knowledge of genetics and selective breeding to bear and created the fastest, strongest wrestler they'd ever produced. …

USSR jokes about America My dad told me this one was a classic when he lived in the former Soviet Union: So as you know, Russia and America would send spies against each other frequently. All American spies were mandated to learn Russian and all Russians English. Well so, the American spy gets dropped off in the middle of Siberia. Freezing, he goes to the nearest house and knocks. When the owner gets to the door, the spy says, "May I please have some shelter and food?" The owner of the ho…

The Russian brothers hear the propaganda about Siberia... how beautiful the weather is, how the shops are stocked with all necessities and luxuries, and prices are low. Boris worries "Maybe they're just saying that to get people to move out there and work in the salt mines. How can we tell?" Vladimir thinks a while, and comes up with an idea. "Hey! How about I move out there, and I'll write home and tell you how it really is!" Boris is pessimistic. "Suppose the censors see it? …

An old joke from East Germany A German worker gets a job in Siberia. Aware of how all mail will be read by censors, he tells his friends: "Let’s establish a code: if a letter you will get from me is written in ordinary blue ink, it is true; if it is written in red ink, it is false." After a month, his friends get the first letter, written in blue ink: "Everything is wonderful here: stores are full, food is abundant, apartments are large and properly heated, movie theaters show films from the W…

Putin and Obama meet in Moscow They're debating the merits of their respective societies. They argue about moral values and which country is doing better. Obama: I've heard that all Russian are alcoholics. Putin: That's a Russophobic myth. I bet there's not a single drunk out in Moscow tonight. Obama: I don't believe you. I bet if we take your limo out for a spin I'll see some drunks staggering around. Putin: Okay, let me prove you wrong. We'll drive around and if you see a single drunk y…

Soviet joke Three men have to share a hotel room in Chelyabinsk during a congress. Naturally, in the evening, they start drinking. One thing leads to another, and they find themselves telling political jokes. Concerns that any of the others may be KGB informants or that the room may be bugged are readily dissolved in alcohol. Everybody is having a great time. One is tired and really feels like sleeping; he decides to pull a joke on the others. He excuses himself, runs to the lobby and gives th…

Is it true that in Siberian towns you can see polar bears on sidewalks? No! They are lying. We don't have sidewalks in Siberia!

A Russian had a talking parrot that constantly trashed Putin. When the man's friends came over he'd take out the parrot and bird would stuff like "Putin is a moron", "Putin without a shirt looks like a ballerina", and "Putin cannot swim cuz sh!t floats". one day banging on the door, "KGB open up!" The man panics and hides the parrot in the freezer. The KGB ransack the house and can't find the parrot. After they leave the man takes the parrot out of the freezer and says "you see how stupid the g…

A reporter goes to make a documentary in a small village in siberia So a reporter goes to a small village in siberia to make a documentary about it. So he interviews the oldest man in town and asks him to tell him a story that happened in the village. So the old man goes : ""Well

Why do you have to nuke siberia twice? The first one is just to break the ice.

An old joke from East Germany A German worker gets a job in Siberia. Aware of how all mail will be read by censors

Is it true that in Siberia, bears walk on the streets?","Nah that's bullshit. There are no streets in Siberia.

Is it true that in Siberia, bears walk on the streets? Nah, that's bullshit. There are no streets in Siberia.