#school

[dentist chair] how's school? *I start talking, dentist notices his hand isn't in my mouth* oh sorry *puts hand in my mouth* how's school?

*holding cardboard sign by intersection* NOT POOR JUST ON MY WAY TO BREAK DANCING SCHOOL

My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I'm 1 million percent sure this is Adele's fault

[robbery in progress in the store I'm at] *quickly remembers training from karate school* *bows to robber* *is kicked in head so hard*

Mugger: "Hand over your stuff! No funny business!" *I give him my wallet and phone but not my business proposal to open a clown college*

When my doctor gives me a prostate exam I like to moan "Mmmm, deeper." Freaks him out, but not as much as when I try to cuddle afterward.

Kanye goes to law school just so he can yell THE DEFENSE WESTS YOUR HONOR and moonwalk out of the courtroom. The defendant is executed.

Me: Hurry up kid. We're gonna be late for school 6 y/o daughter: *begins eating each Lucky Charms marshmallow individually*

I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80's cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.

Wife: It's date night! Me: So, a movie, and... You still have that school uniform? W: Yes. *winks* M: Maybe you can get a student discount.

Oh yeah I was in a gang in high school! Well not like a real gang, it was more of a Trigonometry Club. But we still flashed sines.

Pretty nervous about the guy who dropped out of mechanic school the second they showed us how to cut a brake line.

Girl at engineering school: I'm like the single-most clumsy person [5 male engineering students emerge from bushes] "Did you say single?"

Our kitchen is starting to look like a middle school science fair

[First day of class at law school] *raises hand* Hi, yes. When do we get our white, curly wigs?

Instead of going to college, just read a pile of books and barely do your laundry. Same thing.

5-year-old: I'm supposed to find out more about my hero for school. Me: Aw, you came to me. 5: Yeah. Can you tell me more about Batman?

school sucks 2/10 stars would not recommend

*school reunion* Guy: Reporter is cool I spose. I became a doctor so I could actually help people ya know Clark Kent: *fist clenched* mmm hm

High school prepares you for real life! For example, show choir taught me how to put on eyeliner and lip liner in a car on the freeway

When boy scouts leave a campsite better than they found it, I like to picture a bear who went to interior design school like, "Oh HELL naw."

How's school, Hannah? "Really tough, dad." They're calling you Hannah Banana, aren't they? "No-" WHY THE HELL NOT

"My homework ate my dog" -student in python breeding class

Autocorrect is like that person who just graduated college and think they know everything.

Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don't end up like everyone I went to high school with.