#school

Saw a sticker that said "my son was an honor student". I almost got sad, but then I thought maybe he's not dead, maybe he's just stupid now

Pretty sure you can see me practicing my "not all Muslims are bad" Thanksgiving talking points in the bg of a student film in Wash Sq Park.

In your bed, it's 6AM, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 7:45. At school, it's 1:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes, it's 1:30.

Sometimes I worry about the kid who always carried a yoyo in high school

I envision my high school English teacher reading my tweets, lighting up cigarette after cigarette and putting each one out on her arm.

In high school I was voted Most Likely to Be Shot Dead While Trying to Steal Something of Moderate Value From a Texan.

"Mommy, what's a butterfly?" "When a girl loves many boys in a short time during college, she gets a tattoo reminder for her future husband"

"I didn't go to grad school to assemble agenda folios for the quarterly board meeting" I think as I drizzle Dawn into the CEO's coffee pot.

John Cusack will always have "I didn't do my homework but I love you" face.

Nothing like listening to old school rap on the way to the office to make you want to smack a bitch.

Don't hand out condoms to high school students. Take away their deodorant and toothbrush. That'll cut down teen pregnancy

The girl that just walked by gave my dog a double take like she thought she might've gone to high school with him.

[a 2nd grade classroom 5 yrs from now] TEACHER: Khaleesi M, please leave Khaleesi S alone. Khaleesi T, I still need your permission slip

A lot of the parents at my kids' school don't really seem into sharing a laugh about the inescapability of death.

FACEBOOK: Hey, remember me? I'm a girl you met in college, in that one class. We never really talked. Anyway, here's 97 pictures of my baby.

Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.

[commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?

A pregnant girl from my high school made her unborn child a Facebook and added me as a friend. I AM FRIENDS WITH AN EMBRYO YOU GUYS.

hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend's been kidnapped "stay calm sir, what's ur girlfriend's name" oh she goes to another school u wouldn't know her

School says strangers are handing out lick on LSD tattoos. I told my kids not to worry, no one is giving out good shit like that for free

I'm close to $100,000 deep in student loans for my English degree and I just used the word "awesome" 10 times in a row to describe a guy.

homework? decent grades? the bible said adam and eve not adam and achieve

I got hooked on Italian food in high school after my dealer sold me a bag of oregano.

I bet Pocahontas' name was actually Hontas but everybody just knew her by her high school nickname.

People who tweet a lot of motivational stuff on here are the same people who reminded the teacher she forgot to give out homework.