#school

Why didn't we learn about essential oils in school? I mean, that shit is ESSENTIAL. Should've been the first lesson!

If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college.

*Dentistry school* Here's your final: *stabs student* Why is he bleeding "Because you stabbed him?" FAIL "Because he doesn't floss" CORRECT!

Condoleeza Rice went by Condoleeza Couscous in college.

Bartender: What will you have? Me: Whiskey BT: Straight? Me: Except for that one time in college. BT: Me: BT: Me: How 'bout them Red Sox?

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up? 2-year-old: An eagle! I'm going to save so much money on college.

An honest driving school would name itself How to Drive When Cops Are Around School.

Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences

Me: You never told me you were on the debate team in college.. Her: Yes I did. Me: No you didn't. Her: Yes I did. Me: Oh you're good!

My oldest son & his gf were cooking & asked me how many 1/4 cups are in 1 cup .... Gonna write a nasty letter 2 college & ask for a refund

A guy with a locked account just asked me why I never retweet him. Stay in school kids.

PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?

People are rough on gym teachers, but let's not forget all the years they spend in college, learning how to yell a last name in a scary way.

I guess the Tupperware lids in my house just graduate and go off to college or something.

To my future kids: I apologize for the lack of college funds... Blame mom, she INSISTED on organic produce from Whole Foods.

I sent my kids to public school because I didn't want them to be spoiled. Turns out I didn't want them to be educated either.

Make sure you finish all of your math homework, there are dumb kids in America who can't add - parents in China, probably

[Jedi Training] TRAINER: Any questions? STUDENT: Can the Force be with me? TRAINER: I don't know...CAN it? STUDENT: Oh right...May the Force

do I wanna smoke? sure I'll smoke. I'll smoke u fools on the court when ur lung capacity is severely compromised. stay in school, be active

Two types of people from small towns: 1. Let's leave after high school and find culture! 2. Where is everyone? Better make some new people!

3 hours until I get to pretend I know how to do 6th grade math homework.....

DOCTOR: Don't be embarrassed. Taking trousers off is normal for a prostate exam. ME: Err yeah I guess. Should I take mine off too?

"And the guy's name was Anthony WEINER? Come on" - high school AP U.S. history student, 2046

[high school reunion] Amanda: wow, you haven't changed a bit me: [covered in acne and wearing faded Pokemon shirt]: yeah I know