#school

Before you have kids, practice yelling "GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!" & see if it's right for you.

There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook.

(Mayday) PILOT: I didn't go thru 9 years of flight school to crash ME: *relieved* Thank G- P: I went through 0, so the crash will make sense

Trump University is getting a bad rap. My nephew went there and he can poop in a toilet AND say the N-word.

COLLEGE MEMORIES: After the girl I was kissing used my bathroom, I noticed my toilet seat was left up. So I asked if I could suck her dong.

"Hey mom can Kyle come over?" mom: Kyle from your school or Kyle who is really bad at finishing other people's- [From outside] LOOFAS!

A group of Asian kids at our local high school were busted recently for running a math lab.

My daughter's school was closed for fog. Back in my day, Godzilla could be destroying the city & the principal would be like "2-hour delay"

Hey, guys. Love college basketball? You should see this thing CBS is doing this weekend. Crazy!

A group of kids asked me to make a donation to their school & I was so moved I had to reach in my pocket & slowly pull out my middle finger.

"Hey kids, you like candy?" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time.

An ice bucket challenge ... But for when teenagers don't want to get out of bed and get ready for school.

The cool thing about driving 15 mph in a school zone is that it makes it so much easier to text.

You ever see your kid looking so dirty at school and don't wanna pick him up? I just drove pass mine now like, 'Hell no, that is not my kid'

Remember "pantsing" people in high school... sneaking up behind one of your bros and slipping an extra pair of pants on over his pants

Teenage son gets academic honors every year in school, yet he can't cut a straight line with a lawnmower. I believe I am being played......

If I could really LMAO, I could get into these jeans my mom has saved for me since high school.

The biggest thing I've learned at art school is the art of disappointing my father.

My grandpa use to tell us about walking 10 miles to school. I tell my grandchildren about walking across the room to change channels!

watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college

[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"

In school it be like 2+2=4. Homework: 2x8+3=19. Then the test: Juan has 4 apples, his train is 7 minutes early, calculate the suns mass. Wtf

I was inept with girls in high school. Once I tried to unhook a bra strap and accidentally made a macrame plant hanger.

I root against my college football team. That place put me $80,000 in debt. It'd be like rooting for the bank that holds your mortgage.

[High School Reunion] Him: I started my own Law Firm last year Me: It took 2 months, but I convinced my wife Space Jam was a true story