I stuck a "Baby On Board" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap.

It doesn't matter if I go to church or the gym as long as I can act superior later, right?

"Uh-oh!" - My toddler, looking me dead in the eye while he feeds his dinner to the dog

angel: they seem to be doing well God: give them more diseases angel: is that really necess- God: and social anxiety and kill a gorilla