#santa

Why is Santa Clause always so Jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

The Perfect Couple Once upon a time there were 2 perfect people born. A perfect boy and a perfect girl. They grow up with perfect perfect parents, perfect toys, perfect grades, and perfect teeth. They have perfect graduations from their respective perfect schools and then go on to meet at the perfect college. They have a perfect courtship and, inevitably, a perfect marriage ceremony. On the way to their perfect honeymoon in their perfect car, they come across an accident in the road. Its santa a…

Knock knock Who's there? Olaf. Olaf who? Olaf the other reindeer.

Heard this one over Christmas, I can only apologise. Back in the pre-glasnost days a Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. ""I think it's raining"", he said to his wife. ""No, that felt more like snow to me"", she replied. ""No, I'm sure it was just rain"" he said. Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a Communist Party official walking toward them. ""L…

A long way to go for a bad pun In Russia in the early 1800's, there was a weather man named Rudolph. He was very good at his job, but he was particularly famous for predicting rain. One morning, it was bright and sunny outside, without a cloud in the sky. However, Rudolph predicted that there would be a huge rain storm, bigger than anyone had ever seen. People laughed and thought it was ridiculous, but sure enough, that night it rained more than anyone in Russia had ever seen. In only 3 hours, i…

I know one more duck joke! Santa Clause to the snow man: give me the carrot or I am going to blow dry you! (Ok, this one doesn't work in english)

A couple are walking down the street... ...when they feel some precipitation. ""I think it's rain,"" said the man. ""I believe it's actually snow,"" the woman said. ""Let's ask the Communist Officer. He's always right."" Said the man. They find him across the street and approach him. ""Officer Rudolph, is it snowing or raining?"" The man asked. Officer Rudolph thinks for a moment. ""It's raining."" ""See,"" the man said. ""Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.""

Santa's sack is on the sleigh... Q.-Why is Santa Claus's sack so big and heavy ? A.-Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it is down a chimney!

A couple is walking in St. Petersburg Square on Christmas eve They feel a slight precipitation. ""It's raining"" says the man ""No, it's snowing"" the wife replies ""How about we ask this Communist officer over here? He is always right,"" exclaims the man ""Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"" ""Definitely raining"" the officer replies before walking off The man turns to his wife and says ""See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear""

Is Santa Clause real? Because the zero's on my bank statement are.

""Shoot it down."" ""But, Mr. Putin... it's clearly a sleigh... pulled by Reindeer."" ""Shoot. It. Down.""

Santa isn't coming this year! Someone shot his Rudolph!

A North Pole story of Christmas traditions It was not shaping up to be a Merry Christmas at the North Pole. Mr. Claus was buttoning his suspenders when an angel popped in out of nowhere, yelling ""HEY SANTA!"". That caused his fingers to lose grip, and the whole thing snapped him in the eye. When he got out to the elves, they were all grumbling because of the stickers they had to put on. A Chinese expedition had come in and claimed sovereignty of his little magic island on the pole, and he'd all…

How the angel got on top of the Christmas tree It had been a horrible Christmas season...Santa was crazy busy...then on Christmas eve the elves went on strike...Santa had to load all the gifts on his sleigh by himself...he climbed aboard and yelled out ""on Dasher & Prancer, Comet & Blizzen"" only to have his team take off without him...without the elves, no one had harnessed the reindeer to his sleigh..so Santa had to chase them over the globe...it was almost dawn when he had all of the…

Why can Saint Nicolas never be prosecuted? Because of the Santa Clause

I made up a Christmas joke today! Santa and his reindeer crash and land in the mountains, they are starting to starve and decide they have to resort to cannibalism. Who do they eat first? Answer: Donner!

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Kim Jong-Un? One is an overweight dictator who condones slave labor while claiming to be a spiritual leader of those who believe in him and the other will actually visit Seth Rogen's house this year.

santa claus visits everyone Q: What did Santa Clause say when he came down Lindsay Lohan's chimney and found her spending Christmas Eve with her pals Miley Cyrus and Paris Hilton? A: Ho, ho, ho!

Whats the difference between Santa Clause and me ? Santa Only Cums Once A Year

Santa was having a really bad day.... Everything was going wrong. The elves were looking for a raise, Rudolph was sick, Mrs Clause was in a foul mood. So the Angel arrived at the door dragging a Christmas tree he asked Santa, ""what will I do with the tree""? And that is why you will always find an Angel sitting on top of the Christmas tree.

The 10th Reindeer Can you name all 10 Reindeer? No? There is Dasher (1), Dancer (2), Prancer (3), and Vixen (4). Comet (5), Cupid (6), Donner(7), and Blitzen(8). You can't forget Rudolf (9), He has a whole song about his name. So the 10th reindeer must be Olive(10). You Don't remember Olive from the song? He was a huge jerk. You know... Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names.

A Christmas Wish Little Johnny wrote a letter to Santa, Dear Santa Claus Please send me a sister for Christmas Santa wrote back, Dear Little Johnny Please send me your mother

Bill Cosby is like Santa Claus He comes while you're asleep.

Did hipster polar bears like the North Pole... before it was cool?

What street in France do reindeer live on? Rue Dolph