#santa

What did Rudolph the reindeer say before launching into his comedy routine? This will sleigh you.

A Short Christmas Story When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards crac…

Little Johnny A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, ""Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?"" ""No,"" said Little Johnny knowledgeably. ""It's just like with Santa Claus. I know it's really my dad.""

What did Santa Claus say when Mrs. Claus asked him for the weather? It's rain, dear!

One night, a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window.. ...when he to his wife ""It's going to rain"" His wife asked ""How do you know?"". To which he replied, ""Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear"".

What do you call one of Santa's helpers who bosses around the reindeer? Rude-elf. ----------------- When he found out, Santa shouldn't have gotten mad, he only had his elf to blame. Now Santa won't forgive him until elf freezes over.

Always trust the soviet weather man. A couple were visiting an art gallery in soviet St. Petersburg when they looked out of the window and saw the weather starting to look quite cloudy. The wife turned to her husband and said ""We should get back to the hotel,I think its going to snow!"" Before her husband could reply their tour guide leaned over and said ""Don't worry, it will only rain, definitely no snow!"" So they continued on their tour. At the next window they came to the wife looked outsi…

Santa Clause and a Jew [NSFW] Whats the difference between Santa Clause and a Jew? Santa Clause comes down the Chimney.

Santa's Flight Readiness Review It is a little known fact that even Santa must keep his pilot's license current in order to make his deliveries every year. And so, the old man wasn't too surprised when he got a letter from the FAA informing him that an examiner would be appearing shortly to run him through the usual re-certification drill. Santa immediately dispatched a detail of elves to wash and polish the sleigh, another group was assigned to inspect, service, and repair all the tack, and a t…

The main reason Santa Claus is so jolly is because... he knows where all the bad girls live. :3

Person X ""will go down in history"", I immediately think of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer....... And Jenny from school who would also go down in history..... class. Or so rumor had it. Well Glen said she did, but Glen was so full of it, even his eyes were brown.

What do you call a chicken at the north pole? Lost.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a bassist? Santa Claus has gifts

A Russian couple was walking down the streets of Saint Petersburg on Christmas Eve And they felt a slight precipitation on their heads. ""I think its raining"" says the man ""No its snowing"" says the woman ""How about we ask this communist officer here? He is always right!"" The man exclaims. ""Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"" ""Definitely raining"" he said before walking away. The man turns to his wife and says with a smile. ""See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!""

What's the pedophiles favorite holiday? Christmas. Because you can dress up like Santa Claus, and get free lap dances for a whole week.

{Long} Santa's Past A white man enters a hotel asking for a room for the night. The person at the front desk says, ""We have one room left but it's haunted."" ""I don't believe in ghosts."" The white man replies and goes up to the room. He unlocks the door enters and hears, ""I'm the ghost of Mable fable cut off your balls and lay em on the table."" The white man quickly runs out the room and leaves. A black man enters the same hotel a bit later and approaches the front desk. ""I'd like a room f…

A Couple is Walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve... A couple is walking in East Berlin on Christmas Eve. They feel a slight precipitation. ""I think it's raining,"" says the man. ""No, it's snowing,"" replies the woman. ""How about we ask this Communist officer here? He is always right!"" exclaims the main. ""Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing? ""Definitely raining,"" Officer Rudolph replies before walking off. The man turns to his wife with a smile. ""See? Rudolph the Red knows rain, …

""Dad can you tell me 5 animals that live in the North Pole?"" "" yes son , 3 polar bears and 2 seals. Anything else?"" ___ ""No dad thanks""___ ""No problem son""

Ever hear of Henry, Santa's brown nosed reindeer? He is just as fast as Rodolph but couldn't stop as quickly.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three HOs.

My husband is like Santa Claus He's old, fat, and comes once in a year.

Why doesn't Santa Claus have any kids? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it's down a chimney.

Have You Heard of the Arabic Santa Clause? No? Me either. It's because he's on the No-Fly list.

What's the difference between Santa Clause and a Pedophile? Nothing, they both like to unload their sacks while pleasuring children.

What's the difference between a Jew and Santa Claus? Santa Claus goes *down* the chimney.