#monica

Billy was obsessed with tractors. He grew up on a farm and ever since the very first moment he laid eyes on a tractor he thought they were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. His parents would take him for rides through the fields on their tractor and started buying him toy tractors to play with. As he grew up he drew pictures of tractors all the time, and collected photos of rare tractors to put up in his bedroom. He bought tractor magazines and joined the Tractor Fanclub, and spent any s…

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite NFL player? Ha-Ha Clinton Dix

Did you Scratch the car ? Dad - Son, come in here, we need to talk. Son - What's up, Dad? D- There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it? S- I don't believe, if I understand the definition of ""scratch the car"", that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car. D- Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove the car last night, and no one else has driven it since. How can you explain the scratch? S- Well, as I've said before, I have no recollection of scratching the car. Whi…

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player? Clinton-Dix, HaHa!

What was Monica Lewinsky's high school yearbook superlative? Most likely to suck seed.

Bill Clinton One day in the future, Bill Clinton has a heart attack and dies, and of course goes straight to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. ""I don't know what to do here,"" says the devil. ""You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll be really nice, and even let you decide who leaves…

The Presidential Clock Bill: Do you want to see the Presidential Clock? Monica: Sure! Bill: Okay. (Unzips pants and pulls it out) Monica: That don't look like no clock I ever saw Sir. Bill: It will if you put a face and two hands on it.

I was at my best friend John's wedding the other day I looked over and saw the bride standing there. As the best man I needed to make a speech and not knowing what to say I wanted to keep it short and to the point, but still I was clueless and not to mention nervous. So I approached the bride and thought I would ask her, her thoughts of the day, how she was feeling and hope to get a story of love, hope, and happiness. So I asked her I said ""hey Monica what was it like getting out of that limo a…

(Q)...... What was the difference between Bill Clinton & Monica Lewinsky's dry-cleaners? (A)...... Clinton wouldn't come clean.

Obama goes to hell Barack Obama has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell, where the Devil is waiting for him. ""I'm not sure what to do."" says the Devil. ""You're on my list, but I have no room for you. As you definitely have to stay here, I'm going to have to let someone else go."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves!"" Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so he agrees…

President Obama is walking through the White House... ...when he passes former President Clinton. ""Bill!"" says Obama, ""what's going on? How is Hillary's head?"" ""Well,' says Bill, ""She's no Monica.""

Oh, Bill... A reporter asks Bill Clinton, ""How's Hillary's head?"" He answers, ""Well, she's no Monica!""

Students taking English Literature at a local college were assigned to read two books, 'Titanic' and 'My Life' by Bill Clinton. One student turned in the following report, with the proposition that they were nearly identical stories. He got an A+. Titanic: cost - $29.99 Clinton: cost - $29.99 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Titanic: Over 3 hours to read Clinton: Over 3 hours to read ---------------------------------------------------------------------…

Dry Cleaning Monica Lewinsky walks into her dry cleaning store and tells the guy, ""I've got another dress for you to clean."" Slightly hard of hearing, the clerk replies, ""Come again?"" ""No,"" says Monica. ""Mustard this time.""

Monica Lewinsky was walking on the beach when she found a lantern washed up on the shore. She started to rub it and out popped a genie. ""Oh goodie, now I will get three wishes!"" she exclaimed. ""No,"" said the genie, ""You have been very bad recently, and because of this, I can only give you one wish."" ""Let's see,"" says Monica, ""I don't need fame, because I have plenty of that due to all of the media coverage. And I don't need money, because after I write my book, and do all my interviews,…

Some time ago Mr. Clinton was hosting a state dinner when at the last minute his regular cook took ill and they had to get a replacement at short notice. The fellow arrived and turned out to be a very grubby looking man named Jon. The President voiced his concerns to his chief of staff but was told that this was the best they could do at such short notice. Just before the meal, the President noticed the cook sticking his fingers in the soup to taste it and again he complained to the chief of sta…

George Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the devil is waiting for him. ""I don't know what to do here, "" says the devil. "" You are on my list. . . but I have no room for you."" ""You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do."" ""I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you, I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves. George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil …

""Hillary Clinton's 506-page memoirs has come out. So much of her personality shines through, that in the end, you, too, will want to sleep with an intern."" - Craig Kilborn ""In Hillary Clinton's new book 'Living History,' Hillary details what it was like meeting Bill Clinton, falling in love with him, getting married, and living a passionate, wonderful life as husband and wife. Then on page two, the trouble starts."" - Jay Leno ""In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair,…

Love Handles One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out. "Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since you have released me, I will grant you one wish." "Well," Monica replied, "I'm going to be on television alot for a while, and I want to look my best. I wish you would get rid of these love ha…

Obama died, and, as usual for any president, he was lead to the hell. Satan looked at him “ Mmmm, I can see that you have been elected twice as President. Also, you are one of a kind. So, I am giving you a rare opportunity. You can see the other inmates in hell and select your eternal fate. If you chose their fate, they will be sent to heaven”. With nothing to lose, Obama agreed instantly. Now, Satan himself took Obama to show the inmates. The first exhibit was Reagan. It was burning hot and…

Why Indian students are disliked abroad It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Teacher :- Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?" She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: Chandrasekhar :- 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said. 'Very good! Teacher :- Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, for th…

Bill and the Genie Bill Clinton was driving past the White House when he accidentally ran over the Obama's new puppy, Sunny, crushing it flat as a fritter. He climbed out of his Rolls and sat down on the grass totally distraught. He knew Michele would go absolutely ballistic. Then he noticed a lamp half-buried in the ground. He dug it up, brushed it off and immediately a Genie popped out. "You have freed me from thousands of years of imprisonment," said the Genie "As a reward I shall grant yo…

Billy was obsessed with tractors. Billy was obsessed with tractors. He grew up on a farm and ever since the very first moment he laid eyes on a tractor he thought they were the most beautiful things he'd ever seen. His parents would take him for rides through the fields on their tractor and started buying him toy tractors to play with. As he grew up he drew pictures of tractors all the time, and collected photos of rare tractors to put up in his bedroom. He bought tractor magazines and joined t…

As USA gets closer to the 2016 election year, US citizens must remember that they cannot trust Hillary Clinton to create American jobs. The last time Hilary had a meaningful job, she outsourced it to Monica Lewinsky... And Monica blew it.

Giving the devil his due One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Obama…