#lesson

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out all his savings?"

Help me remember! I heard a joke a long time ago about a pastor parking his car in a woman’s driveway overnight to teach her a lesson about gossiping. Essentially, the pastor had visited a woman in her home, but when he completed the visit, his car wouldn’t start, so he had to leave it there overnight and have it towed the next morning. Another woman in the church saw the car there and started gossiping about the pastor spending the night with the woman he visited. To teach her a lesson, he …

A math teacher welcomed a new French exchange student into her class and then started teaching a lesson on fractions. The French exchange student raised his hand and said, "Excuse me Madam, but I don't know how to say fractions. How do you say those?" "Easy," said the teacher, "you just say the top number and then the bottom number is read as an ordinal number. For example, 2/3 is 'two-thirds', 3/4 is 'three-fourths', and 2/5 is 'two-fifths'." "Thanks, I understand, "said the exchange student…

The Rabbi’s Final Lesson One afternoon, a synagogue’s Senior Rabbi invited the Assistant Rabbi in for a chat. “Nu? As you know, 53 years I’ve led this Holy Congregation. Next week, I’ll retiring. Before I move to Florida and you never hear from me again, do you have any last questions? Are there any great words of wisdom or final lessons that I can impart on you?” The Assistant Rabbi squirmed in his seat nervously before answering. “Um, yeah. It’s kinda embarrassing but there’s one thing.…

Life lesson A sales rep, an admin clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” “Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone. “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and t…

Johnny is at it again. Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast. To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G' 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T? 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: 'I had Feck All', he says, ' F-E-C-K-A-L-L'. The tea…

A teacher asks her class, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he sai…

Little Johnny went for breakfast and learned a valuable lesson…. Little Johnny was working on the family farm when his mother yelled “breakfast!” Mother watched from the window as he made his way through the corral to the house. As he walked through the pig pen his mother saw him kick one of the hogs, then as he walked by the milk cow he slapped the cow on the rear, and then as he walked near the chicken coop he threw rock at a chicken. When he got inside he sat down for breakfast and mother …

Today I taught my son a valuable life lesson by eating his homework. Tomorrow he will learn that many people will not believe you, even when you tell the truth.

The womanizer, the drunk, and the pot head There was a womanizer, a drunk and a pot head that got into a car accident and died. When they arrived in hell the devil told them "welcome to hell, as a punishment you will have to spend 1000 years in your own personal rooms with punishments specific to your sins and if you learn your lesson you get to go back to your old life". First he brings the womanizer to his room, it's full of beautiful women as far as the eye can see. The guys says "thanks dev…

Two brothers are knights, and one is kidnapped by a foul witch The older brother goes to rescue his brother from the clenches of the awful witch. When he arrives, he points his sword at her and demands that she let his brother go. "You cannot kill me with that sword, pitiful knight," she says, "for I am far too powerful. You must offer me something in exchange for your brother." "Whatever it is you want, witch, state it." "I want you to marry me, to make me your bride, from now until death…

There was this man in Russia who drove trains for a living. He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and caused a crash. He made it out, but one person died. He went to court over this incident. He was found guilty, and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of the execution came, he requested a single banana as his last meal. After eati…

A mother superior called 3 nuns and asked them to do a sin or something wrong... The nuns were hesitant because they didn't want to, but the superior said it would be a lesson in confession. Then a little later, one came back and was crying "Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior "I picked flowers in the garden." "Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water." The nun did as told, then another nun came, she was also crying "Why? What did you do?" "I stole a candy from a k…

So there was this man in Bulgaria who drove trains for a living..... He loved his job. Driving a train had been his dream ever since he was a child. He loved to make the train go as fast as possible. Unfortunately, one day he was a little too reckless and he caused a crash. He made it out, but one person died. Needless to say, he went to court over this incident. He was found guilty and was sentenced to death by electrocution. When the day of his execution came, he requested a single banana as …

A fifteen year old kid gets an upright bass and starts to take lessons. After his first lesson, his dad asks him, "what did you learn today?" "I learned to play the A note." After his second lesson his dad asks again, and he responds "I learned to play the D note." After his third lesson his dad asks again and he responds, "I learned to play the E note." After the fourth lesson his dad asks, and the kid responds, "I don't need lessons anymore. I've got a gig with a bluegrass band."

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV... He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!" The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse. "Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started." "There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse." "Not to worry," the man says. "We h…

A teacher asks her class "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Johnny says "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day". The teacher, shocked and not knowing how to respond to this, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the …

Be first A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake. I can wait." Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus."

Two Minute Management Course Lesson One ...

Manner lesson A teacher trying to teach good manners

Wrong E-Mail Address A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!

Lesson in Marriage A son goes to tell his father that he is going to marry his girlfriend.

During a lesson on proper grammar the teacher asked the class for who could use the word ""beautiful"" in the same sentence twice.

Lesson 3 of 6: The Priest A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs

Lesson 4 of 6: The Crow and the Rabbit A crow was sitting on a tree