#michael

Michael died while working at the clock factory. None of his friends were sad about it, they all said his time had come.

Boating accident Paddy and Mary divorced a year ago. Paddy was boating with his son Michael when a storm came up and they both drowned. Officer Murphy had to tell Mary the news. ""Well, Mary I have good news and bad news."" ""Give me the bad news first."" ""Your ex has drowned in a boating accident."" ""He was a miserable son of a bitch, but at least he made the child support payments on time."" ""Well the good news is you won't be needing the child support anymore."" Disclaimer: this is a repos…

I can tell you how to view NSFW content while at your desk. Get to work, Michael! You're not getting paid to watch models who have ""MAGA"" tattooed on their breasts.

The failed airport parking business After seeing the success of Park 'N Fly, Park 'N Go, and Park 'N Ticket, Michael decided he and his boy ought to get into the airport parking business. Unfortunately the two got off to a bit of a *shaky* start, and Park 'N Son's just wasn't able to get back on their feet.

I was born with blonde hair and blue eyes My parents named me Michael but I totally looked like a Ryan

Politically incorrect What's long and black? The unemployment line What's the difference between Michael phelps and hitler? Phelps could finish a race What's the difference between money and Jews? Id give a shit if I lost 6 millions Jews

Two Christians are lost in a desert David and Michael were going on a safari where they got lost and their car stopped working, they started wondering throughout the desert. With food and water supply almost ending and no reception anywhere they were desperately looking for help. After a very long time in the heat of the desert and almost dying from thirst they finally see a mosque far away. They start discussing among each other. David: I'll pretend I am a Muslim so they will give me food and w…

Michael J. Fox was in a car crash... ...a bystander ran up to check if he was ok. ""Yeah..."" Michael said ""I'm just a little shaken up""

Roid sage Paddy says to Mick... ""Them steroids are nasty things Michael - in fact I heard only last week that they can have some odd side effects - from severe headaches to actually growing an extra willy! Would you believe that - an extra willy!"" ""Anabolic?"" asks Mick ""No"" said Paddy ""Just a willy....

On a scale of 1-10 How old was Michael Jackson's boyfriend?

Michael, the kid with no hands What did Michael get for his birthday? Gloves ... Just kidding, he hasn't opened it yet Knock, knock Who is it? Not Michael

A young man was interning at a hospital His friend called in to see him but he wasn't around. A passing nurse stopped and asked if she could help the man. ""Yes, I'm looking for my friend, Michael. Is he around?"" ""Can you describe him?"" the nurse asks. After the friend describes him, the nurse replies uneasily. ""Oh yes him. I'm a little nervous about him actually"" ""Oh really, and why is that?"" asks the friend. ""Well, yesterday I told him to give Mr Johnson his medicine. 2 tablets at 1 o'…

Buying Brains This joke takes place in the very distant future, so distant that shops exist where ordinary people can walk in and buy the brains of famous people from the past. Three guys walk into one such shop and begin to look around. The first guy spots Michael Jackson's brain on the shelf, so he asks the cashier ""Hey, I see Michael Jackson's brain up here. How much do you want for it?"" The cashier says ""How about 25 thousand?"" The guy pays accordingly and walks out with Michael Jackson'…

Northerners Once upon a time, in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day resting. He enquired of God, 'Where have you been?' God pointed downwards through the clouds. Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, 'What is it?' 'It's a planet,' replied God, 'and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance.' 'Balance?' inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing dow…

High School Jocks Attend W. Virginia Prom Together Two high school jocks made news last weekend by going to the prom as a couple, reports Outsports. Musselman High School student and West Virginia all-state athlete, Michael Martin, knew who he wanted to take to the prom Saturday: his boyfriend, Logan Westrope, a student at neighboring Hedgesville High. ""I asked Logan to the prom after his work,"" Martin said. ""I gave him a bag with a chicken sandwich inside and asked, 'Are you a chicken or wil…

Hillary Clinton goes jogging [long] Hillary Clinton was out jogging one morning along the parkway when she tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before anyone else could get to her, 3 kids who were fishing pulled her out of the water. She was so grateful she offered the kids whatever they wanted. The first kid says, ""I want to go to Disneyland."" Hilary says, ""No problem, I'll take you there on my campaign airplane"". The second kid says, ""I want a new pair of N…

How do you tell Michael Jackson's age? You put a color scale next to his face.

All blondes go to war to prove they are not stupid. They some how get a lot of guns and doing major damage. Hiding behind bushes and coming out and shooting people. Military came up with a strategy to get them out in the open. Since majority of blondes are named ""Matthew"" they would start yelling Matthew where ever the suspect it. Military yells Matthew and blonde man says ""what"" and he gets shot down. It worked every time. Soon they start loosing a lot of their men Blondes thought that ther…

Paddy and Michael are out walking when Paddy falls down a well.... Michael shouts down ""Paddy! have you broken anything???"" Paddy replies ""No! there's nothing down here to break!""

A guy named Michael was rushed to the emergency room one night and had to have heart surgery.. I guess you could say it was open Mike night.

Michael Jackson's latest autopsy report states that he didn't actually die at home. He died in the hospital - he was found in the children's ward having a stroke.

Since Michael Jackson's death hundreds of children have gathered at the gates of Neverland. Police have said that they will let them out once they find a locksmith. - http://ww.key-n-lock.com

Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new album? It's called Invincible! *Sent using Microsoft Internet Explorer 6*

Good manners During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: ""Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"" Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite' What about you Sherman, how would you say it?' Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be …

Johnny in school At school, the children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. ""Just think how nice it will be to look at the picture when you're all grown up and can say, 'There's Jennifer... she's a lawyer,' or 'There's Michael... he's a doctor' or..."" Suddenly, Little Johnny spoke out ""And there's the teacher... she's dead."" *edit: formatting