#julie

10 years later if Romeo and Juliet had lived: Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo? Sigh....trying to watch the game here Julie.

I used to give my co-workers nicknames based on their most dominant features, like 'Loves Abortions Brenda' or 'Eats Her Feelings Julie'.

My friend texts "ur" instead of "you're" but puts extra letters in "so" because she's "soooo happy." This is why everyone hates you, Julie.

A Blonde Jokes Two blondes (let's call them Tina and Julie) are talking. Tina: Did you know this New Year is on friday? Julie: OMG, I hope it's not on the 13th.

Mom & the gravy ladle. John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, John volunteered, ""I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Julie and I are just roommates."" About a week later, Julie came to John and said, ""Ever sin…

Confessional booth Less common than we'd like to see in Northern Ireland: two young men, friends - one a Protestant, the other a Catholic, wander about the streets of a country village where they've decided to take the weekend off. And, fair to say, it's a bit boring. more than a bit boring, as they walk about the town. As they pass before a Catholic church, one friend tells the other: wait here a minute, I need to confess my sins. He walks into the church, steps into the confessional, and tells…

BEDSIDE CONFESSION Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time. Julie: ""I should warn you, Ted: I've got acute angina."" Ted: ""Your breasts aren't bad either.

Pair of Twins I've been shagging a pair of twins recently, and my friend asked me ""How do you tell the difference?"". I told him ""It's easy! Julie has long blonde hair..."" ""..and Derek has a moustache""

The Fruit Revolution So humanity progresses enough in technology to create super genetically modified fruit. These fruit are ten times larger than their natural counterparts and contain fifty times the nutrition. Obviously, this becomes a great success and scientists continue to make and improve the genetically modified fruit. Eventually they become so advanced that they develop faces and grow the ability to talk. The humans become intrigued by this and use them to recreate live action episodes …

Play around So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself ""Hi, I'm Julie"", Joe is so excited, all he can say ""I'…

Difference between men and women Julie didn't come home one night. When her husband Tom asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house. Tom was a bit suspicious so he called her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her. The following week Tom didn't come home one night. Julie asks him where he'd been. So Tom says he got a bit drunk at a friend's place and thought it was safer not to drive but crash out there. Julie thinks he's been ""fooling around"" s…

Julie: What time is it? Counsellor: Three o'clock. Julie: Ohno! Counsellor: What's the matter? Julie: I've been asking the time all day. And everybody gives me a different answer!

At the end of camp Julie won the prize for neatest trunk. Her mother was amazed. 'How did your trunk get so neat?' she asked her messy daughter. 'It was easy' said Julie. 'I just never unpacked!'

A middle-aged Jewish guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her fortieth birthday. He says ""So what would you like Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond necklace?"" She says ""Bernie I want a divorce."" He says ""I wasn't planning on spending that much.""

Julie had broken off her engagement. Her friend asked her what had happened. 'I thought it was love at first sight' said Julie. 'It was but it was the second and third sights that changed my mind.

All the single ladles Joe invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the course of said dinner his mother couldn't help but notice the staggering beauty of Joe's roommate. She had been long suspicious of a relationship between them, and her beauty combined with the banter she had seen them share only made her all the more curious. Joe noticed his mother's suspicion. "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you that Julie and I are just roommates." A week later, Julie came to…

Don't Lie To Momma John invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but noticing how beautiful John's room-mate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his room-mate, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between John and his room-mate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, John volunteered, "I know what …

A teacher asks children to name some drug names... Sally stands up and says ”Paracetamol, its for pain relief” Julie stands up and says “Aspirin , it helps you focus” Jimmy stands up and says “Viagra”! The teacher replies saying “Jimmy, how do you know that? What does that drug do?” Jimmy replies “ Viagra is for diarrhea relief” The teacher says “Who told you that?” “My mom gives my dad viagra every evening saying - take some of this and maybe that shit of yours might get harder”

A man visits a mental hospital. He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting ""Julie !! Julie !!"

All the children had been photographed in their school uniforms and the head teacher was persuading them all to buy the group picture. “Think about when you are older, you can look at it and reminisce. There's Julie, she's now a doctor or Look at James, and he’s an accountant now.” Carl at the back said, “And there's Miss, she's dead!”

"For Heaven's sake, Chris, why can't you talk to me once in a while?" Julie whined. "What?" Chris replied. "Look around!" Julie yelled, as she pointed around the room. "Look at all these books! You always have your head buried in a book! You don't even seem to know I'm alive!" "I'm sorry, honey," Chris said. "Sometimes I wish I were a book. Maybe then you'd at least look at me!" Julie exclaimed. "Hmmmm," Chris mumbled, "that's not such a bad idea. Then I could take you to the library every few d…

Two Blonds With Hammers... Lynn and Julie were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity house. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in. Julie, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?" Lynn explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them are defective and have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away." Julie got completel…

Edward walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches. "Can I help you, fella?", asks the cop. "Yesssh, ssshombody stol my car!" Edward replies. The cop asks, "Okay, where was your car the last time you saw it?" "It was at the end of this key", Edward replies. At this point the cop looks down to see that Edwards p*nis is hanging out of his trousers. The cop asks Edward , "Hey buddy, are you aware that you're exposing yourself? Edwar…