#maine

The difference between my "Maine lobster" and my "main lobster" is boiling water or a high five.

Did you know that in Maine they will give you five-cents for a soda can, but they won't give you ANYTHING for a baby?

So I walked by a restaurant in Maine! It had a sign up "" Happy hour special: Lobster tail and beer!"" I said to myself. Jesus, my three favorite things!

What state did the programmer start her road trip in? Maine

I'm directing a film... ... And starring in it, as a shaggy groundskeeper from Northern New England who leads midnight raids on the estate's garden. I'm the main character, mane caretaker, Maine carrot-taker.

Manyard Begley, a wealthy patent lawyer, had a lovely summer house in rural maine. Each year, he invited a different friend to spend a week or two with him. One year, he decided to invite a friend from the Czech Republic. The two friends had an amazing time together, rising early and going hiking in the great outdoors. Early one morning, the lawyer and his Czech friend went out to pick berries for their breakfast. As they went around the berry patch, they came across two enormous bears-- a male …

The Police Academy Exchange Student Juan, a rookie cop from Mexico, goes to a police academy in Maine for a month in an exchange program. One day, he rides along with a highway patrol officer named Burt. ""Are you finding policing very different in the States?"" Burt asks. ""Not really,"" says Juan. ""A lot of Mexican laws are based on American ones. Our laws are better organized, though."" The officer chuckles and swiftly pulls over his first catch of the day--a young man in a Chevy, going ten …

George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.

Do you know you can't hang a man with a wooden leg in Maine? You have to use a rope.

From deep in Maine, two woodpeckers are sitting in a tree and are casually talking about the sweetest trees they've had the pleasure to peck. Looking around, their attention focuses on one specific tree in front of them... ""Man, that's one fine looking beech."" The first one said. ""No way, that's just a dope ass birch."" The other replied. And back and forth it went. ""You crazy! That's a beech."" ""No! That's a birch!"" ""I know a beech when I see one, that fine thing is just a beech."" ""And…

Old Lenny lived far out in the western mountains of Maine. He had spent all of his 80 years living on the family homestead. One morning, two land surveyors appeared at his doorstep. The first one spoke: ""Now Lenny, we know you is a proud Mainer, but it seems you ain't in Maine at all. We jist finished surveyin' this whole township, and your house is actually on the New Hampshire side of the state line."" ""Wicked decent,"" says old Lenny, ""I'd had enough of them Maine winters anyhow.""

good old family racism what do you call the leader of the black panthers movement? the maine coon

New Car Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. ""I wonder if the car has seat warmers,"" Ruth wondered. ""It sure does,"" said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. ""Here it is... rear defrosters.""

Places I'd Rather Not Live - Paradox, New York - Crapo, Maryland - Boogertown, North Carolina - Spasticville, Kansas - Hellhole, Idaho - Purgatory, Maine - Girdletree, Maryland - Rabbithash, Kentucky

A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer he would invite one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two. One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The friend happy to get anything free from a lawyer eagerly agreed. When the time came they spent a wonderful time getting up early every morning and enjoying the great outdoors. One morning as the lawyer and his Czechoslovakian friend we…

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year... ... at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer, he would invite friends to come to visit him. One summer he invited a lawyer from the Czech Republic to visit. The friend, eager to see how a wealthy American vacationed, gratefully agreed. They had a wonderful vacation, and spent a great deal of time exploring the woods and enjoying the natural setting. One morning, as the lawyer and his Czech friend were walking t…

The cattle rancher and the potato farmer. A wealthy Texas cattle rancher goes to Maine to visit his cousin who is a humble potato farmer. The Texas rancher sees his cousin's small plot and says with a boastful, mocking drawl, "Back in Texas, mah ranch is so big, it takes me all day just to drive acrosst it." The humble farmer replies in his flinty, downeast accent, " Ayuh, I once had a cah like that."

A joke I came up with that I told people in a dream this morning... A ship belonging to a seafood company from Italy accidentally drops tons upon tons of live lobsters overboard off the coast of Maine. Upon hearing this news, a lobster-catcher from Maine down on his luck jumps on his boat to catch as many of the lobsters as he can and sell them before the Italian company can get them back. As he doesn't know quite where the lobsters had fallen into the water, he casts his net out and tries to …

A little joke from my family's dinner table. My family was talking a few weeks ago, and somehow I brought up the fact that every state in New England has a town or city in it called "Warren". I said that there's a Warren, Vermont, a Warren, Maine, a Warren, Rhode Island. And my brother chimed in "There's also a Warren Ukraine!" I shook my head back and forth, then quietly admitted that I would have been so proud if I came up with that myself

200 Dead Crows Found In Maine.... From local news in Maine 200 Dead Crows Found In Maine.... Researchers for the Maine Turnpike Authority found over 200 dead crows near Bangor, Maine recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. They had a Bird Pathologist examine the remains of all the crows, and to everyone's relief, he confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. However, he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with trucks, and only 2…

A state surveyor visits a Maine farm. He tells the old farmer that it's been discovered that his farm may actually be in New Hampshire, and not Maine. After several days of surveying, checking and rechecking, the surveyor tells the old farmer "Yep, I was right, your farm is in New Hampshire, not Maine." "Good thing," says the old farmer, "Couldn't take another one of those Maine winters."

A very wealthy lawyer vacationed for several weeks each year... ... at his summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Each summer

Why didn't the hipster want to see the Saint John River and the Penobscot River? They're two Maine streams.

Where was the male lion's favorite vacation spot? Maine

What does a cat call its black best friend? Its Maine Coon.