#vermont

"The 59th rule of Fight Club is, we cant park in the lot on Vermont anymore - The owner is being a jerk. Just find street parking. 60th..."

Since when? A local mechanic was telling a story to his brother, his father, two garage customers and a game warden. His story was about shooting and killing a Blue Jay. The game warden says immediately, you know, it's illegal to kill a Blue Jay in Vermont. The mechanics replies, ""No, I didn't know that. Since when?"". The game warden says ""Since 1986"". The mechanic says, ""Oh, I did it in 1985"". ( I don't know if this joke works, it's actually a true story and I thought I'd give it a shot)

Vermont's 4 seasons Vermont has 5 seasons: Almost winter Winter Still winter Mud season Road construction

Vermont Winters Government surveyors knocked on the door of a man who lived in Vermont near the border between Vermont and New Hampshire and asked if they could enter his land to survey the border. He said no problem. They came back later that day and said ""Sir, we've got some interesting news. You don't live in Vermont- you actually live in New Hampshire!"" The man breathed a huge sigh of relief, and said ""That is fantastic! I was getting sick of those long Vermont winters!""

In Vermont an old man is sitting in his rocking chair on his porch, quietly smoking a pipe. A tourist who is staying at a nearby B&B passes by every day for a week, and whenever he passes, the man is just sitting there in his rocking chair quietly smoking his pipe. One day the tourist cannot refrain from asking the old man: ""Say, have you been sitting here all your life, doing nothing but smoking your pipe?"" Says the old man: ""Not yet!""

A man is lost in the back roads of Vermont when he collides with a local at the intersection... He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders. ""Well, don't look like much,"" observed the local. ""Why don't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves."" He grabbed the jug from his battered pickup, removed the stopper and handed it to the tourist. After taking a good slug, the tourist handed the jug back to the local, who banged the stopper and set the jug back in his truck. ""Aren't…

Lost on back roads in Vermont, a tourist collided with a local man at an intersection... He and the local got out to examine their bent fenders. ""Well, don't look like much,"" observed the local. ""Why don't we just take a little pull to steady our nerves."" He grabbed the jug from his battered pickup, removed the stopper and handed it to the tourist. After taking a good slug, the tourist handed the jug back to the local, who banged the stopper and set the jug back in his truck. ""Aren't you go…

""Vermont Senator James Jeffords is being called a hero today after he chased down a teenager who stole a wallet from his daughter-in-law on Capitol Hill. How fat are our kids getting when they're being run down by 68-year-old senators. ... At one point Jeffords yelled out 'Stop thief' and two hundred congressmen froze."" - Jay Leno ""Some scholars have argued [that] the Constitution clearly states only Congress can declare war, and they are not allowed to simply delegate that authority to the p…

In high school, I was dared to play “gay chicken”... ...which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay and the first one to chicken out loses... The other guy and I are really stubborn, and neither of us wanted to lose. We’ve been married 14 years and run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn’t chicken out soon, I’m going to start to suspect he is actually gay.

A little joke from my family's dinner table. My family was talking a few weeks ago, and somehow I brought up the fact that every state in New England has a town or city in it called "Warren". I said that there's a Warren, Vermont, a Warren, Maine, a Warren, Rhode Island. And my brother chimed in "There's also a Warren Ukraine!" I shook my head back and forth, then quietly admitted that I would have been so proud if I came up with that myself

I came up with this joke myself. One person laughed. What do you think? I work with a guy who moved to Vermont from Hawaii. He likes to start with people but also has people who like him. Those people always ask about him..."How is he?", "Does he still work here?" My joke is in response to those two questions. (His name) is the reason Japan attacked Pearl Harbor. Evidently they missed. Yeah, he likes to create things like world wars. I'm not racist, I just don't like him.

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the world. So he bought a planeticket and took a trip to china. On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read “$10,000 per call”. The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what the telephone was used for. The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God. The American tha…