*shaves 'I Dogs' into my chest hair for the Westminster Dog Show but just as I take my shirt off a car full of cats rolls up*

Twitter takes me places I've never been before. Take oncoming traffic for example.

First they came for the Fight Club members, but I said nothing, because...you know...rules.

Avoid cars that have a sign saying 'baby on board'. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal.