#israel

An old lady goes to the Airport with her dog in a pet carrier. She says to the ticket agent, “I am going to Israel with my dog and I want to make sure nothing happens to him. He is very important to me. Please take good care of him and I will reward you with $10,000”. The ticket agent says no problem and takes the pet carrier. She goes to the baggage handlers and tells them what the old lady said and offers to split the money with them if they make sure nothing happens to the dog. They say OK a…

Who's your favorite artist? UN: "Who's your favorite artist?" Israel: "Netta!" UK: "Dua Lipa!" Zimbabwe: "Fifty trillion Zimbabwean Dollars!" UN: "What?" Zimbabwe: "I'm sorry! 50 Cent, for you!"

A man and his wife went on vacation to Israel, his mother-in-law decided to go, too. One night on the trip, the mother-in-law died of a heart attack. The couple visited a local undertaker who said that it would cost $1500 to take the woman's body back to the US. "However," said the undertaker, "We could have the funeral and bury her here in the Holy Land for only $150." The man insisted, though, that they ship her back home. Again, the undertaker tried to convince them to bury her in Israel,…

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel... and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's…

Tattoo A man wanted to get a tattoo. The only issue was, the tattoo was an devilishly intricate design. He went to his local tattoo parlor, only to get turned away as the artist was not skilled enough. He tried again in a busy parlor in the middle of a nearby city, only to be told it was too difficult once again. Dejected, the man set out on a quest to find a tattoo artist skilled enough to make his tattoo for him. He searched all across the United States, to no avail. He moved to the UK, then…

A young tourist sees an old Jewish person praying in Western Wall They approach him and ask "how long have you been praying here?" the old man folds his Talit and answer "every day since my Bar Mitzvah so about 40 years". "so what do you pray for?" they asked. "for solidarity between jews around the world" he continues " for peace between muslims and jews, love and empathy between Israel and Palestine" " and how do you feel about praying for these things for half a century?" "like arguing with …

God the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are going on vacation... God the Father says "Let's vacation in Israel". God the Son, Jesus, says "Too many bad memories there. Let's vacation in Berkeley." God the Father says "I'm not into the Mother God, hippy vibe." The Holy Spirit says "I know, let's go to Rome and visit The Vatican" God the Father and Son ask - "Why?" The Holy Spirit shrugs and replies "I've just never been there."

The geography of a woman as she ages: (from a friend) Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa . Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful! Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value. Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty. Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit. Between 41 and 50, a …

A Jew is being held in prison in the Soviet Union for trying to emigrate to Israel The Jew was studying Hebrew in his cell when the guard sneered at him

Benjamin Netanyahu the prime minister of Israel

Donald Trump dies in Israel After too much effort during a state visit in Israel

A Jewish businessman in Chicago sent his son to Israel for a year to absorb the culture. When the son returned

Though some people may tell you that the holy land is fake... ... it Israel

A reporter worked in Israel. Every day she'd see the same Jewish man go to the religious ""West Wall"" three times a day and pray. He didn't miss a prayer in 20 years. A reporter worked in Israel. Every day she'd see the same Jewish man go to the religious ""West Wall"" three times a day and pray. He didn't miss a prayer in 20 years.

A customs agent stopped Sam an elderly Jewish man who had just immigrated to Israel and asked him to open his two suitcases.

How do you start a rave in Israel? You stick a quarter to the ceiling

I'm starting to think this country really is run by Jews But it's still only my first week in Israel.

A Jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while eventually the son returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

The Holy Land isn't a fake place Israel

A husband and wife of many years travels to Israel.. [Long] The wife is an extreme nagger that cannot stop nagging all through out their trip until suddenly she dies of a heart attack. The government official that assists the grieving husband says to him

A jew is moving from USSR to Israel A jew is moving from USSR to Israel and in his luggage he has a sculpture of Lenin . At the Russian border he is asked:

A jewish man sends his son to Israel to live there for a while... Eventually he returns home and he is now a Christian. The man finds this to be odd and mentions it to his friend.

A Jewish man Sent his son on a trip to Israel When his son returned

Unemployment at its best! An Israeli doctor says: ""In Israel

An Israeli doctor... An Israeli doctor says: ""In Israel