#isaac

Hutterites and the Bridge *This joke was sent to me in the traditional FWD: FWD: FWD: format from my grandpa.* Two Hutterites, Jacob and John, purchase some budgies from a pet shop and drive over to a bridge. From the top of the bridge, John looks down at the 200-foot drop and says, 'Dis looks like a grand place.' He takes the two birds, puts them on his shoulders and jumps off the bridge. Jacob watches as John falls all the way to the bottom. Looking down at the remains of his best pal, Jacob s…

Isaac Newton hears his parents screaming at each other one afternoon Mrs. Newton: ""I've had enough of this. I want a divorce!"" Mr. Newton: ""But why?"" Mrs. Newton: ""Do you think I don't know about the other women? How stupid are you? I can see the tramp's lipstick on your cheek."" Mr. Newton touches his cheek, a perplexed look on his face. Isaac, saddened by their fighting, runs out the door. He's soon sitting in an orchard, taking shelter beneath an apple tree. He thinks he's finally found …

Isaac Newton's theory. Isaac Newton was outside trying to explains the forces of the world and then it hit him.

The father's code On his deathbed, the father gave his son a piece of paper, Ben quickly grab the paper and reads it. ""3.70 =13.20"" exclaimed the young man, ""what is this father?"", knowing that his father spends his time discovering the secrets on earth, he quickly assume that this is a code of his last discovery. After his father dies, Ben spent most of his life solving the equation. He becomes a great mathemathician, historian and a well-known archeologist but in spite of his success in li…

Isaac Newton's friend was 16 minutes late the first time they met. At their second meeting, the friend was 8 minutes late. At this rate, said Newton, ""you'll never be on time.""

An apple didn't fall on Isaac Newton's head. He missed the gravity of the situation.

Old man Finklestein is dying. He was diagnosed with cancer a month ago, and had told no one but his dear wife, Sadie. It is a week before the doctors told him he would kick the bucket, and he had straightened out his will and finances, so he decided to tell his best friend, Mr. Ginsberg. When Mr. Ginsberg received the news, he was shocked. ""Jake,"" he says. ""You always seemed so healthy! Oy vey! Why do bad things happen to good people!"" ""I don't know, Moishe, but I have everything in order f…

Another: Isaac Asimov's ""Death of a Foy"" It was extremely unusual for a Foy to be dying on Earth. They were the highest social class on their planet (with a name which was pronounced -- as nearly as Earthly throats could make the sounds -- Sortibackenstrete) and were virtually immortal. Every Foy, of course, came to voluntary death eventually, and this one had given up because of an ill-starred love affair, if you can call it a love affair where five individuals, in order to reproduce, must in…

All anti-semites Young Isaac knocks on his boss's door. Boss: "come in!, yes Isaac what can i do for you?" Isaac: "I can't work here anymore! I quit! Everyone who work here is anti-semite!" Boss: "What? What are you talking about? I guess there might be one or two, but everyone? come on, it's ridiculous!" Isaac " I am telling you! They are! I asked all of them one question, and they all gave me the same answer." Boss: "But... what was that question?" Isaac: " I asked waht would they think if we…

An old Jewish man is on his deathbed... An old Jewish man is on his deathbed, and his family is gathered around him. He's too weak to lift his head or even open his eyes, but he can talk to his family. "Rachel, my beloved wife of fifty-seven years. The love of my life, my soulmate, the woman God created me to be with, are you here?" She replies "yes, my wonderful husband. I'm here, just like I swore I would be all those years ago at our wedding. I'm here." The old man smiles. "David, my eld…

Einstein, Newton, and Pascal play hide-and-seek Einstein decides to be the seeker and begins counting. Pascal immediately runs to a closet and hides inside. Newton doesn't run or try to hide. Instead he takes some tape, makes a box on the ground, and steps inside. Einstein finishes counting and turns around to see Newton standing like an idiot. "I found you Isaac, great hiding spot," says Einstein. "You didn't find me," Newton replies. "You found one Newton per square meter. You found Pascal!…

Abraham’s (from the Bible) computer Abraham decided that he needed a computer to track his large herds of sheep and goats. So he went to the computer store and bought all the hardware and peripherals and high-end software, brought it back to his tent, and hooked it all up. He was so proud and wanted to show it off so he called in his son Isaac. “Issac, come see our new computer. Now Issac, being of the younger generation, immediately sat down and started exploring the set up. But as he did, a…