#home-depot

When Miley Cyrus licks a sledgehammer, it's called ""art"" and ""music. When I do it, I'm ""drunk"" and ""have to leave Home Depot"".

My blind friend went to Home Depot... he picked up a hammer and saw!

Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream ""Prejudice"" these days.... ""Nationality Bias"" A customer asked, ""In what aisle can I find the Polish sausage?"" The clerk asks, ""Are you Polish? The guy, clearly offended, says, ""Yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had a…

Today's PSA Today's Public Service Announcement! WARNING TO ALL MEN. ** BEWARE** Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shop…

what did lowes say when home depot kickcked him in the crotch ouch menards (my nards). lolz

Today, I took a shower You have no idea how hard it was to get it out of Home Depot.

Home Depot. long but worth it I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to poop yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off.. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morn…

Taking advantage of older men (scam) Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Si…

There was a counter top on layaway at Home Depot. They said it was for the Packers' punt returner, Hyde. It was for Micah.

A large robot animal attacked The Home Depot on Friday. Shoppers were frightened at the sight of the Stihl Behr.

the three little pigs and 100 bricks Three little pigs want to build a house out of bricks, so they go to home depot and buy some bricks. They only sell in packs of 100 so they buy that. when they are done building the house they have one brick left. They dont know what to do with it, they keep thinking and thinking but they dont know what to do with it, so... they throw it up in the sky.

Most tough men eat nails for breakfast. chuck Norris does all of his grocery shopping at Home Depot.

A man goes into a store and asks the clerk for some ""Polish Sausage."" The clerk looked at him and asked ""Are you Polish?"" The guy, clearly offended, says ""Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, hu…

Dear Internal Revenue Service: Enclosed you will find my 2006 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article from the USA Today newspaper dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat. I am enclosing for (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400.) and six (6) hammers (valued @ $1,029.) which I secured at Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please ap…

This guy is shopping, see, and he approaches the clerk and asks him.. .."Excuse me, where is the Polish sausage?" "Oh," says the clerk, "Are you Polish?" "Whaat?" says the guy, indignantly."Are you serious? If I asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? If I asked for bagels, would you assume I was Jewish? Jeez!" "No, I certainly would not. " said the clerk. "Then why'd you ask if I was Polish?" "Because, Sir," says the clerk, "This is Home Depot."

Taking advantage of older men (scam) Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping…

Which aisle is the Ukrainian sausage in? A customer asks, "In what aisle will I find the Ukrainian sausage?" The clerk asks, "Are you Ukrainian?" The guy says, "Yes I am. But if I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for some Irish whiskey, would yo…

HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS HOW TO GET RID OF ANTS My buddy from Atlanta Georgia swears this works. Go to Home Depot or Walmart and buy a can of black spray paint. Stir up each ant mound as you go and the area around them with a stick. The ants will emerge by the hundreds to defend the mounds. Spray each mound and the surrounding area, making sure you get plenty of paint on the ants as well. Once the ants realize they live in a black neighborhood, they quit working and start k…

Older Men Scam Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quit…

Pinocchio [NSFW] Pinocchio is making love to his human girlfriend, when she cries, "Stop, Pinocchio, please stop!" Pinocchio asks, "What's wrong, baby?" "You're too rough." Pinocchio thinks for a moment, then says, "I'm sorry, I'll try to be a little more gentle..." She responds, "No, you don't understand. You're too *rough*. I'm getting splinters down there." The next day, he's telling this to Geppeto. "You really gotta help me fix this..." Geppeto replies, "Head down to the …

I was walking through Home Depot yesterday when I tripped and knocked an industrial vacuum cleaner onto a bunch of carpentry tools. It sucked on so many levels...

An American, a Japanese man, and a Cuban are all at Home Depot — shopping in the millwork and doors section. The American finds an employee and asks, “Which of these doors is the toughest?” The employee responds, “Why do you need a tough door?” The American became passionate about his reasoning, “I’m going on a vacation and I don’t want a burglar kicking my door down!” The employee finds him a steel core door and sends him on his way. The Japanese man asks the employee, “Which of these …

A guy goes into a store and tells the clerk, "I’d like some Polish sausage." The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, “"Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a taco would you ask if I was Mexican? Would ya, huh? W…

This year, Home Depot is selling Christmas decorations in the second aisle of the housewares section. Aisle B, Home for Christmas.

You may live in Canada . If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don't work there, You may live in Canada . If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada . If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada . If 'Vacation' means going anywhere South of Kelowna for the weekend, You may live in Canada . If you measure distance in hours, You may live in Canada . If you kn…