#hitler

"Sir, we're mining too many useless minerals." Hitler: "Mine less then" *Grammar Nazi bursts in* "MINE FEWER." *Hitler looks over* "Yes?" [EDIT](http://www.reddit.com/r/AntiJokes/comments/2dmxah/sir_were_mining_too_many_useless_minerals/)

A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin... A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler and Stalin sitting at a table. He walks up to them and asks what they are doing. Hitler says were planning WW3. The man asks what's going to happen this time. Hitler says this time were going to kill 15 million Jews and a bicycle repair man. The man asks why a bicycle repair man. Hitler turns to Stalin and says see I told you know one would care about the 15 million Jews.

What do you call Hitler in the water? Adolfin. Stolen from /u/NightRedditor423

Some historic anti-Nazi jokes from Germany Hey there. I thought, I'll take the time and translate you some of the so-called "Flüsterwitze"(whisper jokes) from nazi Germany. * The old code of law seems to complicated, so it has to be changed. From now on, there are only three laws: 1. If you do something, or fail to do something, you are punished. 2. The penalty is determined by the peoples emotion*. 3.What the peoples emotions is dictated by the Gauleiter(governor). (1934/35) (original: "gesu…

So I saw Hitler walking down the street. I asked him, "So Hitler,what have you been doing recently?" He said, " Well you see, this time I'm going to kill six million Jews and two clowns." So I asked "Why the two clowns?" He replied "See, no one cares about the jews!"

Hitler wasn't such a bad guy. After all, he did kill Hitler.

In 1941, a German boy named Hans was listening to the radio. Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States. "Father, where's the United States?" asked Hans. His father pointed on a map to the continental nation in North America. "And I'm told we're already at war with Russia," the curious lad continued. "Where is Russia?" His father pointed to where Soviet Russia lay in all its time zone-hogging glory. "And we're also at war with the British Empire…

Hitler is speaking to his advisers... He was surrounded by all of the lead managers and advisers of his entire Reich. His main adviser told him how amazing and efficient Germany was. "All of ze industries are over performing and creating enough resources for ze new world. Except perhaps ze mining industry, sir. Zey are performing so vell, ve have TOO much ore! Should ve cut ze number of ores ve mine?" Hitler thinks for a bit and agrees with "Yes, then ve shall mine less ore," Just then, an…

Hitler and his men are having a meeting. Hitler: We will kill 6 million Jews and 1 clown. Men: Why the clown? Hitler: See! I told you nobody cares about the Jews!

List of the most offensive jokes I know. What are some of the most offensive jokes you guys know? * Whats better then winning silver at the special olympics? Not being retarded * Whats better then winning silver at the paralympics? Walking * Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they * Why are black people so good at basketball? They can run shoot and steal * What do you call a group of black men running down a hill? A prision break * So Hellen Keller …

Hitler and Stalin meet in hell... and are standing in a massive pile of shit.How deep they are standing in it depends on how bad they were before they got into hell.Hitler already has the shit to his mouth and looks over to Stalin. He is surprised to see that he only has the shit to his ankles and asks him why.Stalin looks over to him and says:"Let me tell you a secret. "What is it" responds Hitler. Stalin:"I am standing on a priest".

Mao Zedong, Stalin, Hitler, and Ellen Pao walk into a bar... (user was banned for this post)

Hitler, Mussolini and Stalin are all sitting in a restaurant discussing their plans for World War 3. A waitress approaches the table and listens to their talk. Hitler opens by saying: "Okay guys, I've got a great idea. I already talked to Stalin about it, but I figure I should get your input. He didn't believe me." Mussolini responds "believe you about what?" "Okay this time, the plan is to kill ten million jews and one mexican." The waitress at this point is intrigued and confused, deci…

Obama and Putin are walking on the beach. Obama says "We have got great submarines, they can stay under water for 6 weeks". Putin replies "That's nothing, our submarines can stay under water for 10 weeks". Suddenly, a submarine emerges and a man sticks his head out and yells "Heil Hitler! Do you have diesel?"

What's the difference between Donald Trump and Hitler Hitler had supporters.

A man walks into a bar A man walks into a bar and sees Hitler. He asks if he can sit with him and ask him some questions, Hitler obliges. After a while the man works up the courage to ask more serious questions. "How many people did you kill?" asks the man. "Six million jews and one birthday clown" Hitler answers. The man's eyes widen. "Why the clown?" the man asked, after a long period of silence. Hitler laughs. "I was only joking. See, nobody cares about the Jews!"

Three war veterans were having a beer at a port They all had other nationalities; one was British, one was American and there was a German. They were having a chat in at a bar just close to the harbour 5 years after the war. The Brit was telling about how good their motorcycles were. *we could drive almost 100 miles on one tank!*, said the Brit full of enthusiasm. *That's nothing*, said the American. *Our Jeeps could drive 200 miles on one tank!* The German was laughing out loud. *Why are you …

Hitler walks into a bar. The owner, surprised to see the German leader at his bar, asks if he’d like his top-notch bourbon on the house. “No thanks,” Hitler replies. “I’ll just take a screwdriver.” One screwdriver turned into 10 before Adolf called it quits and headed home. The next night, Hitler returned to the bar, but this time takes up the owner’s offer on the bourbon. “Even the best vodka can make a man sick if he’s had too many,” says the owner. “It wasn’t the vodka,” Hitler replies. “I…

Hitler says... "I order the execution of 6 million Jews and 1 clown!" His officer responds with "Why the clown?" To which Hitler replies with "See! No one cares about the Jews!"

Best Hitler Joke That I've Heard Me: "Hitler Killed 5 million Jews and a Penguin." Friend: "What? A Penguin?" Me: "See, no one wants to know about the Jews."

Few days ago an US Marine and a Russian General were talking at the beach The Marine says to the General: "we have the greatest submarines on earth. We can last under water for several weeks." The Russian interrupts:"no way our latest submarines last for 6 months without seeing any daylight." The both stop talking as they are surprised by a submarine approaching the beach. A soldier jumps out raising his arm straight in the sky, yelling:"Hail Hitler we need Diesel!"

Actual joke told during WW II according to comedian & historian David Schneider A Jew is walking along a farm road and Hitler comes along driving a car. He sees the Jew and points a gun at him, ordering him to eat some cow shit in the field. So the Jew gets down on all fours and eats the cow shit. Hitler laughs so hard he drops the gun. The Jew grabs the gun and points it at Hitler "Now *you* eat some cow shit!" And Hitler gets down on all fours and eats cow shit. The Jew laughs so hard t…

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast EDIT: Holy shit guys, 2700?!

Dark jokes 1. Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is 2. What's the worst part about breaking up with a japanese person? You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message 3. What did kermit the frog say at Jim henson's funeral? Nothing 4. What's white on top and black on the bottom? Society 5. What's the difference between john wayne and jack daniels? Jack daniels is still killing indians 6. Penn State moved the Jerry Sandusky statue to the library. When yo…

My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years. edit: FYI I never had a joke removed, I just said that because otherwise I didn't really have much of a joke, I thought it was implicit that the mods didn't remove any jokes because they generally only do that if you attack another redditor directly or just don't make any attempt at humour. Also, don't actually think Trump and H…