#hitler

NSFW, What did Hitler say to the black Jew? GET TO THE BACK OF THE OVEN!

Hitler gave his orders ...and his army set off. They spent all day attacking and capturing the Jews. After 4 camps were filled, they returned to Hitler's base. He closed the door and completely went off on his officers. ""Damnit!"" he roared. ""I said I wanted concentrated juice, not concentrated Jews!""

Klondike bars, Hitler did it for one

The day after Stalin's death... ...the Soviet nation decided to get rid of him once and for all and bury him as far away as possible. They set up a special commission. The commission turned to the British government with the request that they make available a plot in a British cemetery. ""Well,"" replies the British government, ""we do already have Karl Marx in England ... Two such great masters in the one cemetery . . . That would be overdoing it a bit..."" So they tried the Germans. ""Well, we…

The number of ""followers"" you have does not make you better than anyone else. Hitler had millions, Jesus had 12.

How do you know it's time to go to bed? Hitler is raping you!

How did Hitler tie his shoelaces? In cute little knotsies!

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the Histoy channel.

Q: How does Hitler tie his shoes? A: With little Nazis.

PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER ASTRONOMER: When you rearrange the letters: MOON STARER THE EYES: When you rearrange the letters: THEY SEE THE MORSE CODE : When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY ELECTION RESULTS: When you rearrange the letters: LIES - LET'S RECOUNT SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S A DECIMAL POI…

Margaret Thatcher has only been in hell for half a day... ...but she's already sorted out Satan's budget deficit, busted up the demons' union and made Hitler cry during a debate.

Best Read with a German Accent (Warning: Holocaust Joke) One day during the war, Hitler gathered his top advisers to hold a top secret meeting. He said "Ok, tomorrow ve vill kill 1,000 Jews and three hamsters". His advisors looked at one another, and one said, "But Hitler, vhy ze three hamsters". Hitler smiled at his advisers and replied, "You see, no one cares about ze jews!"

A guy walks into a bar... A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer. As he is sitting there he catches sight of the guy sitting next to him and notices the man looks exactly like Adolf Hitler. The man ignores this at first and quietly drinks his beer. After some time his curiosity gets the better of him, so he turns to the man and says, "Has anyone ever told you that you look just like Hitler?" To the guy's surprise, the man turns right to him and says in a thick German accent, "T…

A woman and a Rabbi So, an old woman goes to her Rabbi and says "I just won a hundred million dollars in the lottery!" Her Rabbi Replies "That is wonderful, what are you going to do with all that money?" "First, I'm going to donate twenty five million dollars to charity." "You will do so much good with that money" The Rabbi says "Then, I will keep twenty five million for myself." To which the Rabbi says "You deserve the money, you have done so much good in your life." "The rest of the mon…

Hitler and Stalin walk together in the afterlife ... they stop next two people and Hitler tells Stalin: "Let me tell you of my plan: I am going to kill six million Jews and a mechanic. one of the two people hear this and asks Hitler "Why kill the mechanic?" Hitler turns to Stalin and says: "see? I told you nobody cares about the Jews"

Hitler asked his portrait "What's going to happen to me when the war is over?" Hitler asked "We're going to switch places" replied the portrait. "How so?" "They're going to take me down and hang you up."

The best situation set-up I've ever heard in real life.. My army platoon was training a decade ago when this happened, I still laugh about it today. I'll not use names, just ranks. We had just finished a mission and field maintenance and had about an hour of down-time before our next briefing, so the whole platoon was in a tent sitting on cots in a circle just bullshitting. One of the sergeants, a particularly vulgar guy, starts telling some nasty and offensive jokes which starts the whole pl…

What do you call a website that steals all of Reddit's Hitler jokes? Nein Gag.

A World War II Pun A German child was playing outside. Eventully, he was so exhausted that he went inside and asked his mother for a drink. She brings him a cup of water. After a sip, he asks "Mother, why can't I have something sweeter?" She replies, "I couldn't give you anything else because our Führer does not want us to have juice in our house." Edit: If that didn't work so well for you try this revised one. Hitler was going to breakfast with his advisors. After they ordered, the waiter ca…

Hitler captures 5 Jews In a concentration camp Hitler catches 5 Jews and asks the first one : ~ How many meters high can you jump? ~ 1 meter, he answered as he was trembling. Hitler gives him one loaf of bread and asks the same question to the second Jew. ~ 2 meters...replies the second Jew. Hitler gives two loaves of bread and asks the same question to the third Jew. ~ 3 meters! responds quickly the third Jew. Hitler draws his gun and blows his minds in air. Now the Jews concerned ask …

Hitler in a bar A.man walks into a bar and sees Hitler there. He goes up to Hitler and asks "So how many people have you killed?" Hitler says "I have killed 6 million Jews and 2 clowns " The man replies "Why did you kill 2 clowns?" Hitler replies "See nobody cares about the Jews"

A Russian captain and an American captain debate which country builds the best submarines... They are standing at a harbor and they've been arguing for hours. The American says "Our subs have such efficient air filter systems that they can stay underwater for months at a time". The Russian replies:"A few months? Laughsble. Our Russian subs have such advanced air filters that they can stay submerged for up to a year" As the American opens his mouth to voice his reply, he's suddenly interrupte…

Why didn't Hitler drive a stick shift? Because he hated Stalin

So theres this ship... This ship is carrying Hitler, his Nazi soldiers, and several Jewish prisoners. The ship sinks however, and the only survivors are Hitler, two soldiers, and one Jewish prisoner. Hitler says "this raft can only support three people. I'm gonna ask you a series of questions. If you get them right, you can stay." Hitler goes up to the first Nazi soldier and asks, "What was the worst nautical disaster to ever happen?" He says the Titanic. Hitler says "Alright you can stay". …

White babies So there was this white guy, a black guy, a german guy and this jewish guy. They all had white wives and they all had white babies on the same day. The doctor forgets to tag them. The white guy says, "I can figure out who's baby is who's." So he goes into the nursery. He comes out. The black guy asks, "Did you figure it out?" "No... I couldn't." So the black guy says, "I can do this." Goes in, comes out. "Did you figure it out?" "No." The jewish guy goes in, comes out, and fails. T…