#food

I think we can all agree that "Phillybuster" would be a great name for a cheese steak restaurant in Washington DC

I have a condition preventing my going on a successful diet. There's a medical term for it, but in plain language, it's hunger.

How about a really bad food court where planes land? Pitch for every airport

IF U WANNA BE MY LOVER you gotta get me a large three topping pizza with stuffed crust

My son just handed me a duck & a pig from his puzzle & smiled as if that made us "even" for all the food/clothing I've given him.

what idiot named them diet pills instead of girth control

Should I buy a new pair of sunglasses or just leave $60 in a restaurant?

Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?

I need to get my shit together. It's in little piles in my kitchen & then there's some more in my wife's closet.

Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*

If you don't want to be there today, just say "I'm just here for the food and hopefully some good commercials. Also congrats on the wedding"

"Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.

The Karate Kid grew up to be The Karate Man and now he's the Pizza Hut delivery guy with a ponytail who tries to talk to you about swords.

FRIEND: Wow you have bought A LOT of frozen food ME: I like to plan ahead FRIEND: But you haven't got a freezer ME: I'm a terrible planner

After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"

Idea: Pepperoni staples for when the cheese keeps sliding off your pizza

the only thing getting in the way of my diet is food

Every single person on a reality TV series is the kind of person you don't want to sit next to in a restaurant.

"Is that old Chinese food in the trash? There's Q-tips in there too? AND a bag of my poop? This is gonna be so good!" --dogs

Friend: Don't come on too strong is my dating tip. [At the restaurant] Her: Can you pass the salt, please? Me: Sorry, it's too heavy.

Txt from wife: where r u Me:kitchen Wife:can u feed cat M: I mean garage W:bring in laundry M:bathroom W:clean toilet M: Idaho W:get potatos

I don't use extra virgin olive oil cause I want my food to have some experience

My diet plan is just watching my 400 pound coworker lick her lips and sweat as she describes her dinner from last night.

Any size pizza can be a personal pizza if you're depressed enough.

i order a pizza online and under special requests i write: "tell me the meaning of life". when the door bell rings there's only an empty box