#ethel

Me elderly couple joke An elderly couple are sitting out on their porch. Norman says to his lovely wife, ""Ethel, I have to come clean with you. In all the years we were married, I was unfaithful to you one time. I'm sorry my dear, I love you forever, can you forgive me?"" Ethel goes into the house and quickly comes back with an old shoe box. Norman opens the box to find three ears of corn and a wad of $5,000 dollars cash. ""Every time I was unfaithful to you I saved an ear of corn.."" ""Well I …

Stick It Two elderly women were having in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, ""Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?"" Mabel answered, ""I have? suppository?"" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, ""Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is.

The Night Light A 90 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results. The doctor says, ""George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"" George replies, ""God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."" ""Wow, that's incredible,"" the doctor says. A litt…

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their Golden Wedding Anniversary. ""Let's have a big party, Homer,"" she suggested. ""You'll need to kill a pig."" The farmer scratched his grizzled head. ""Gee, Ethel,"" he finally answered, ""I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago.""

A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels. When he got to the first one, he asked the Madame, ""Is this a union house?"" ""No, I'm sorry, it isn't,"" said the Madame. ""Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"" he asked. ""The house gets $80 and the girl gets $20."" Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop. At the second one, he asked the Madame, ""Is t…

Three spinsters went on safari... and they came upon a huge gorilla. The gorilla grabs one of the women and runs off into the jungle. The other two patiently track the gorilla for three days, until they come to his lair. Ethel, the victim, is horribly bruised and scratched, without a stitch of clothing. Wilma and Blanche quickly cover her with a blanket and make their way to a hospital. After a week, Ethel is still crying and carrying on. Wilma says "Ethel, you've just *got* to pull you…

Berta and Ethel are two older ladies who were outside smoking cigarettes when it starts rain. Berta reaches into her purse and pulls out a condom with the tip cut off. She slides the condom over the cigarette and resumes smoking. "What are you doing?" asks Ethel. "Oh, this?" replies Berta, "I always carry a condom to put on my cigarettes when it starts to rain." Thinking this is a terrific idea, the next day Ethel goes to her pharmacy to buy condoms. Realizing that she'd never done this …

An old man and his wife go to the fair... *Sorry for long post, but it's worth it* They come across a stunt helicopter ride. The old man watches in awe as this helicopter does flips and various other tricks. "I'd love to go do that!" Says the man. "But dear," says his wife "it's $50 and I want our retirement money to last" "You're right honey." And the man leaves. They go the the fair again the following year. Again, the helicopter ride is there. The old man looks at his wife with longing in …

Helicopter Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.” Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, “Ethel, you know I’m 87 years old now. If I don’t ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance.” Once again Ethel replied, “W…

Tourists in Australia George and Ethel retired

Henry and Ethel attended the same small-town church, where every week Ethel taught Sunday school. After admiring her from afar for years, Henry finally plucked up the courage to ask Ethel out to dinner. To his delight, she accepted and he booked them a table at his favourite restaurant. At the restaurant he asked her: "Would you like some wine with dinner?" "Oh no, Henry," said Ethel. "What would I tell my Sunday school class?" Henry was taken aback and didn't say much more until the end of the …

Two sisters were still virgins at the age of eighty-six. Finally in frustration one of them, Ethel, announced: "I'm damned if I'm going to die a virgin. So tonight I'm going out on the town and I'm not coming home until I've been laid!" Shocked by the outburst, her sister, Betty, warned: "Well, don't be too late. There are some strange people in town on a Saturday night." All evening Betty waited anxiously to hear the key in the door. At last – at half past one in the morning – Ethel returned an…

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary. "Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig." The farmer scratched his grizzled head. "Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

Every year, Fred and Ethel would spend a day at the State Fair. Every year, Fred would say, "Ethel, I'd like to ride in that airplane." And every year, Ethel would say, "I know, Fred, but that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year, while they were at the fair, Fred said, "Ethel, I'm 74 years old. If I don't have a ride in that airplane this year, I may never get another chance." "Fred, that airplane ride cost ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars," Ethel…