#susan

One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, ""Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, ""Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot."" ""Susan i…

Attorney to witness: ""What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?"" Witness: ""Where am I Cathy?"" Attorney: ""And why did that upset you?"" Witness: ""Because my name is Susan.""

Larry's barn burned down and Susan his wife called the insurance company ... Susan: We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money. Agent: Whoa there just a minute Susan; it doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth. Susan after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

Wanna hear about the time I got kicked out of school? Everyone knows that kindergarteners are very curious. So back in the day I was peeing at a urinal, and Timmy comes up to me and says, "Whoa, your wiener is huge!" I thought nothing of it at the time. But when we got back to class, Timmy started telling everyone. Within the hour they wanted to see it, so I went to the door to check if any adults were coming, then I whipped it out for everyone to see. Eventually Susan ratted me out, and that's…

A very experienced man... A man visits a house of ill-repute. He tells the woman, "I've seen everything and done it all. I need an experience I've never had before." The madam summons a rather plain looking young woman and says, "This is Susan. She's for you." The man seems unimpressed but resigns himself to the choice. She takes him to her room, sits him down on the bed, and begins to fondle his manly bits. After his interest is fully aroused, she pops out a glass eye, and uses her empty eye s…

When the US elects President Susan Goldfarb ... The year is 2032 and the United States has elected the first woman President, Susan Goldfarb. She calls up her mother a few weeks after Election Day and says, 'So, Mom, I assume you'll be coming to my inauguration?' 'I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.' 'Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine…

George Falls in Love One Sunday morning George burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Susan. After dinner, George's dad took him aside, "Son, I have to talk with you. Look at your mother, George. She and I have been married 30 years, she's a wonderful wife and mother, but, she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with wome…

One, day little Johnny asks his father, "Daddy where do i come from?" The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time. "Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very much..." After explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child, "Well son, does that answer your question?" "Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy."

Jake was on his deathbed His wife, Susan, was maintaining a vigil by his side. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling Susan," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest. Don't talk." He was insistent. "Susan," he said in his tired voice. "I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Susan. "Everything's all right, go to sleep." "No, no. I must die in peace, Susan. I slept with your sister, your best friend, and …

Ms. Johnson asks her junior high class what body part grows 6 times its size when it gets excited She calls on Susan who says "Ms. Johnson that is a very inappropriate question to ask girls in this class. My parents will hear about this." She then calls on Jennifer who says "the pupil of the eye in dark conditions." "Correct," Ms. Johnson answers. "And Susan I have 3 things to say to you. First, you clearly didn't read your homework assigment. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third you are …

Who's Your Daddy One Sunday morning, William burst into the living room and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away, and her name is Susan." After dinner, William's dad took him aside. "Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married for thirty years. She's a wonderful wife, but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Susan i…

Johnny is at it again. Johnny's teacher is giving a lesson on Nutrition, and she decides to ask her students what they had for Breakfast. To add a Spelling Component, she asks the students to also spell their answers. Susan puts up her hand and says she had an Egg, 'E-G-G' 'Very good', says the teacher. Peter says he had Toast, 'T-O-A-S-T? 'Excellent.' Johnny has his hand up and the teacher reluctantly calls on him: 'I had Feck All', he says, ' F-E-C-K-A-L-L'. The tea…

My friend Susan identifies as a man and changed his name yesterday. Susan be Anthony.

Her Him Her: I'm Susan

Susan and Jack both work at a small company that sells widgets. Monday morning

Women are like hurricanes. They come into your life wet and wild and then leave wiTH THE FURNITURE WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SUSAN YOU BITCH

All my life I was in love with one woman... Her name was Susan. She had the most beautiful eyes

Wife comes home late at night. Susan had been away on business all week

John receives a phone call. "Hello," he answers. The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago." John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?" Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a good sport." John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?" Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself." John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."