#facebook

Someone on Facebook posted "Having the BEST DAY EVER!!" So I posted the Sarah Mclachlan animal cruelty video in the comments

It's been the "longest week ever" for Janet on facebook, a woman that I know for a fact works 40 hours has been on facebook for 37 of them

Stranger adds me to facebook *has a panic attack* Creepy as hell stranger follows on twitter *does victory dance*

I won't believe the Groundhog saw his shadow until he updates his Facebook status.

Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first.

finally got to see someone in my facebook feed react to an onion article as if it were real news. today was a big day.

My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.

Don't hate the game, hate the player who keeps sending you Facebook invites to play the game.

"I don't care how much you hate this person, I REALLY suggest you two be friends." -Facebook

I could care less about you but I'm still going to go through your entire wedding & 1st born childs photo album on Facebook. I hate myself

I think we should find time today to send a friend request to Myspace Tom on Facebook; he was there for us when we didn't have any friends.

My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.

Hey, man. You used no capital letters and only one exclamation point to wish me happy birthday on Facebook. Is everything okay at home?

If Osama Bin Laden really wanted to cripple America he'd attack Facebook

Just found a new app that that tells you which one of your friends are boring. It's called Facebook.

- "Did you know you can make a pizza crust out of cauliflower?" - "I'm going to reactivate my Facebook so I can unfriend you there too"

Facebook is the biggest whistle-blower of them all, telling people I saw their messages.

Choose your facebook profile pic carefully. It'll be the one they use when you go missing.

MySpace got old. Facebook got old. Now Twitter is getting old. What next? Damn. I guess we'll have talk to people in real life.

If the only way you say "Happy Birthday" to someone is via their Facebook wall, they're not your friend.

If you don't have a Facebook account, all your high school friends just assume you died.

According to facebook it is my wife's birthday.

Operator: 911 what's your emergency? Me: PEOPLE ARE TAGGING ME IN PICTURES ON FACEBOOK AND I'M NOT EVEN IN THEM!

Posted a photo of my clean house on Facebook and it was flagged as fake news.

*dad bursts into my room and puts me in a headlock* "Why didn't you 'Like' the Grumpy Cat meme I posted on Facebook, you son of a bitch?"